Half Life
by Ring Red
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?
1. Half Life Prologue

Title: Half Life - Prologue  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 1/10/07  
Rating: T/PG-13 for now  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up if I continue this fic. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: I really did not want to write this fic. I wanted to wait out the end of the season or maybe get that spark of inspiration to finish another unfinished fic I've been working on. But this fic just would not leave me alone. The current spoiler speculation surrounding Starbuck is driving me crazy.

Am I worried they'll really kill off Starbuck for good? Not really. I hope they're not that stupid and if they do then I'll just stop watching the show. Period.

My biggest concern, my worst nightmare, is that the whole Fleet will think Starbuck is dead and then they'll just sweep it under the rug and move on. My worst fear is that Lee and Sam and the Admiral will just go on with their lives and it will be like Starbuck never existed.

That is where this idea came from. What if the Fleet thought Starbuck was dead and they grieved and moved on with their lives? What if Starbuck came back but she didn't really have a place anymore? Dee stood by Lee while he grieved for Kara and they are still married five years later. Jean comforted Sam and they ended up falling in love and getting married. There's a new Top Gun and most of the pilots don't even know who Starbuck is. Would she be able to find herself a place in this new version of Galactica?

This fic looks to be darker than anything I've written before. I'm extremely unsure of it. I am usually die-hard Lee/Kara but in this fic I have no idea who Kara will end up with if anyone. She could end up with Lee, she could end up with Hotdog, she could end up with an original character, or she could just be working toward finding inner peace and not end up with anyone.

I'm really not sure if I should continue working with this idea or not. I would appreciate any feedback that you could send my way. Should I keep this going? Please let me know what you think.

* * *

Here goes…

* * *

Five years, two months, six days… 

She knew it was time. She had foreseen the path before her. She withstood the trial and the tempest. The lost daughter, the chosen one, would return to the pilgrims. The false ones would stand denied and the gods would rejoice as their plans bore fruit. So say we all.

"We will not allow this!" Seven, the trickster, both cunning and wise. He swam through the streams of destiny and yet fought against the current. He saw much and yet could not see. His quest had been doomed to failure from the very beginning. It was not his place to question the will of the gods.

"It has been decided." Six, the mistress, torn by love and loyalty. A heart left torn and bleeding turns cold and bitter with time. She clung to faith for it was all that remained. "It is god's will that we find Earth. The Eye is the key. We were foolish to let it slip through our fingers years ago. We cannot let this opportunity pass us by again. We will offer them their lost daughter in exchange for the Eye."

"She is the chosen one! She sees the Five!"

"She sees nothing. She says nothing." Eleven, the realist, who worships facts and logic. "You Sevens have had the human for five years and she's told you nothing. You broke her time and again. If the information were there she would have given it. No human can withstand such relentless determination. They are weak and selfish beings by nature. She would have sold her soul by now to gain relief from her plight."

"It is her destiny!"

"She is not the one. We were misled. Accept our mistake and move on, Seven." Five, the worker, steady and reliable. "Your objection is noted. You are outvoted and overruled. The proposal will be made."

The voices faded and the corner of her lips tilted up. Momma was right. Suffering was good for the soul.

* * *

End of Prologue, but Chapter One should be next door!

* * *

Note: For anyone who got confused Model 7 is Leoben, Model 5 is Doral, Model 11 is Cavil, and Model 6 is, of course, Six. 


	2. Half Life One

Title: Half Life – 1/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 1/10/07  
Rating: T/PG-13 for now  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up if I continue this fic. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…1552  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

Location: The Admiral's Quarters  
Battlestar Galactica 

When the Cylons wanted to talk it was never a good thing. For one thing it meant that the Cylons knew where they were. It meant that they quite possibly had at least one more Cylon sleeper agent hidden in the Fleet. After five years without such a meeting, Admiral William Adama had been hoping that was no longer the case. He should have known better.

An hour ago, a single heavy raider had jumped into the system the Colonial Fleet was currently searching for resources. Before the alert fighters could even be launched a message was broadcast to Galactica. The Cylons onboard the heavy raider wanted to talk.

After consulting with the three-time President of the Twelve Colonies, Admiral Adama reluctantly allowed the heavy raider to land. The Fleet was placed on immediate standby for jump in case the Cylons tried anything. Marines were in position with orders to destroy the heavy raider at the first sign of trouble.

Half an hour ago, the Cylon representatives including the Cylon heroes Caprica Six and Boomer Eight were escorted into the Admiral's quarters. Now he stared across at them in stark disbelief. "Lies. You're feeding us lies. It's not possible."

"Lies would accomplish nothing," Eleven told him calmly. "If we couldn't produce the human, then you wouldn't hand over the Eye. Pointless lying is something your species excels at, not ours."

The President tensed and glared at the Cylon once believed to be a priest. "You cannot honestly expect us to hand over the Eye for any reason. Even if your outrageous claims were true…"

"There was a battle some five years past," Caprica spoke up. "The human's ship was damaged and she was near death. She activated her transponder, but you only arrived in time to see a heavy raider destroy the ship."

"Starbuck wasn't in the viper," Boomer told them. "She had already been removed before the viper was destroyed. We believed she had a destiny to fulfill that was connected to our own. We were wrong."

The Eleven made a sound of disgust. "The Sevens were obsessed with the human. Do you honestly believe they would have allowed her to be killed so easily? We would've never heard the end of it."

Admiral Adama's eyes narrowed. "And yet you would give her up now?"

"Five years have passed. The Sevens have made no progress on fulfilling this destiny," the Five spoke. "We have come to accept that our faith in this human was misplaced. She is not the one. The Sevens have been overruled. We no longer have any use for the human."

"Aww…this is a load of crap!" Colonel Saul Tigh growled from beside the Admiral. "No way do you have Starbuck. You're just getting desperate. Even if you did have her, you know we'll never willingly give you the way to Earth. That's the last thing Starbuck would want. I knew that stubborn bitch just about as well as anyone before she died. She'd want us to tell you frakkin' over-grown toasters to go straight to hell."

Adama knew his XO was right. Starbuck would never allow them to jeopardize the thirteenth colony for her. Starbuck was a soldier. If their claims were somehow true…if Kara…he couldn't bear to even think it. But he also had no choice. He could not compromise Earth and possibly billions of innocent humans. The Cylons were the creation of the Twelve Colonies; they were the responsibility of the Twelve Colonies. Earth had to be protected at all costs.

"…have had ample time to study the Eye and gain any information from it that you can. We simply want the same opportunity," Eleven was speaking again.

"No," Adama's voice was firm with resolve. His answer was final. "No." The Cylons turned to stare at him as one. He glared into the eyes of the Eight that he knew emptied two rounds into his chest. "You could have Kara in this room begging on her hands and knees and the answer would still be no. Under no circumstances will I bring the Cylon plague down upon Earth. They are innocent of our sins and I will not visit them upon them. The answer is no."

The Eleven shrugged. "Well, it was worth a try. The Sevens will be pleased."

Adama looked to the marine guards holding weapons on the Cylon party. "Escort our guests back to their ship. They've overstayed their welcome." He felt Laura Roslin's hand grip his arm in support and he was grateful. Even firm with resolve he couldn't help but wonder if he had just sentenced his daughter to a living Tartarus.

Three of the Cylon representatives turned toward the door. The fourth, Boomer, turned to stare into the eyes of Lieutenant Sharon 'Athena' Agathon. Adama watched confused as Boomer seemed to communicate silently with her fellow Eight. She gave a sharp nod. Lieutenant Agathon then pulled her sidearm and fired two rounds with inhuman speed and accuracy.

The Colonials stared in stunned disbelief as the Eleven and the Five slumped to the floor dead. Lieutenant Agathon then turned her weapon upon Caprica but held her fire. The marine guards followed suit.

Caprica's betrayed eyes burned into Boomer. "What have you done?"

Boomer met the hard gaze without fear, guilt, or regret. "What had to be done. They'll download. So will you if that's your choice."

Caprica's eyes widened in horror. "What do you mean if that's my choice? What choice? What have you done?"

"Admiral Adama," Boomer continued to hold Caprica's eyes, "I would like to officially request asylum with the Colonial Fleet. I no longer feel I can continue my current existence with the rest of my race. My beliefs and those of the rest of the Cylons do not coincide."

Caprica's lips curled in disgust. "You can't be serious."

"I am," Boomer said, "and I suggest you do the same." She saw Caprica's immediate rejection of the idea. Her face softened with sympathy. "What are you going to do now, Caprica? Go back to our people and continue on as you have for the last five years? You're miserable. We've both been miserable. We may be the Cylon heroes, but we're outsiders. We are Cylons who have known human love and we can't forget it. No other Cylon can begin to understand us. We have experienced humanity and we can't just turn those emotions back off."

"Love betrayed me." Tears filled Caprica's eyes shocking the watching Colonials. "I loved a human and he betrayed me."

Boomer nodded. "He did. Humans are not perfect and neither is love. Love is messy and painful and it can die or be broken. But love is also precious and unique and you will never find it again if you remain with our people. Our people do not know love." She paused and held out her hand to Caprica. "You have to make your choice now, Caprica. You have to decide."

The two Cylons stood locked in a battle of wills for a long tense pause. Finally Caprica hesitantly held out her hand and placed it in Boomer's. She nodded. "Admiral Adama, I would like to officially request asylum with the Colonial Fleet. I no longer feel I can continue my current existence with the rest of my race. My beliefs and those of the rest of the Cylons do not coincide."

President Roslin regained her voice before the Admiral did. "Why should we believe you? How are we supposed to know this isn't just another Cylon trick to steal the Eye?"

Realization dawned and Caprica's expression showed her surprise and respect for Boomer. Boomer smiled and nodded for Caprica to speak. Caprica turned her head and looked into the President's eyes. "We ask only for a chance…the same chance you gave our sister." She motioned to Athena. "We know that it will not be easy and we will have to earn your trust. It will take time and patience, but we're willing to make that sacrifice. In exchange we offer the return of your lost daughter."

President Roslin's eyes narrowed and her hand tightened on Admiral Adama's arm. "The return of our lost daughter?"

"Yes," Boomer said. She looked at the Admiral, the man she had both loved as a father and almost slain against her will. "We brought her back. Starbuck's in the heavy raider."

* * *

**End of Chapter One!**

* * *

Well? What did you think? Should I continue? 

Elise/Ringred


	3. Half Life Two

Title: Half Life – 2/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 1/12/07  
Rating: T/PG-13 for now  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up if I continue this fic. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: WOW! I can't believe how many great reviews I got. Thank you so much! I love you all. I wasn't really sure if I should reply to everyone or not. I would gladly send each and every one a personal reply, but I didn't want to bug you if you didn't want to get an email from me…lol. So for the moment I'll just say that you inspired me to get my butt back to writing and knock out the next chapter.

I hope you all continue to enjoy it! Feedback is VERY welcome…cause this is still a new type of story for me and I'm still nervous as hell about it.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Location: In Route to Hanger Deck  
Battlestar Galactica 

"You'll have to allow myself and Caprica to enter the heavy raider first," Boomer argued with the Admiral as the group of Colonials and the two Cylons made their way through the halls of Galactica toward the hanger deck.

"No," the Admiral told her, "the marines go in first."

"Then you'll lose Starbuck," Boomer insisted, "and possibly several marines."

The Admiral stopped and turned to stare hard into his former pilot's eyes. "Explain."

"There's a Two inside the heavy raider," Caprica spoke up. "We left him to guard the prisoner. If any humans attempt to board the ship first his orders are to execute the prisoner."

Admiral Adama clenched his hands into fists. He heard his XO cussing beside him.

President Roslin turned to look at Lieutenant Sharon Agathon. "A Two?"

It was a sign of just how much the Colonials had come to trust the Cylon over the years. Boomer shot Caprica a meaningful look. It was possible for a Cylon to find a place among the humans.

Athena was not about to lose that place. "A Simon, Madam President."

Adama's eyes hardened. "The model that held her on Caprica?"

An ironic smile curved Caprica's lips. "The Twos are the least of her problems."

The Admiral did not appreciate her dark humor. Boomer tried to mediate the situation. She held up her hands as a sign of openness. "Caprica means no offense but she's telling the truth, Sir. The Two is not the same version that held Starbuck on Caprica. He's simply acting as her guard. Starbuck shows no more aversion to the Model Twos than she does to most other Cylon models."

"Most other?" Roslin questioned.

"The Sevens," Boomer and Caprica answered together.

The President once again turned to Athena. "Leoben," Athena confirmed.

Roslin nodded her thanks before turning to frown at Boomer and Caprica. "I still don't understand why your people would risk bringing Captain Thrace back onboard. Why not keep her on the basestar until the proposal was accepted?"

Caprica's expression was rueful. "For that you can thank Boomer."

Boomer nodded. "I convinced the other models that if Starbuck was left on the basestar the Sevens might make a move to take her or to sabotage the exchange. The Sevens were adamantly opposed to this proposal. They're obsessed with Starbuck and their belief that she's the chosen one."

"Boomer's arguments were sound and the other models agreed with her," Caprica said. "Though I see now that she manipulated the situation to suit her needs."

The Admiral lifted his hand and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "To suit what needs? How did you manipulate the situation?"

Boomer smiled. "I know you, Admiral. I knew you would never accept the proposal, that you would never compromise Earth. But this was a chance for me to finally stand before you and tell you face to face that I am more the young human raptor pilot who served you and this Fleet and protected those innocent civilians than I am the Cylon assassin that my people placed within your ranks. This was my chance to come home."

The Admiral still didn't look convinced. Caprica smirked. "Starbuck was her way of ensuring she got that chance…that you gave us a chance." She looked at Athena. "The Eights are much more cunning than I gave them credit for."

The President looked to Athena for an explanation. Athena rolled her eyes. "The Sixes and the Eights notoriously don't get along."

Saul Tigh scoffed in disgust. "Now the damn toasters can't even get along with each other?"

Caprica threw him a challenging look. "It appears we take after our creators in that respect."

The Colonel glared back at her but held his tongue.

"While this is all very interesting, it brings us no closer to solving the dilemma of allowing you to enter that heavy raider," President Roslin drew them back to the point.

Boomer took a deep breath and tried to convince the President of her sincerity. "You were willing to allow us to leave after refusing the proposal. You had no idea Starbuck was here. We will not betray you."

"If we are going to earn your trust it has to start somewhere," Caprica said. "Let it be here and now."

Boomer saw the reluctant acceptance on their faces. She gave a sigh of relief. "Caprica and I will enter the heavy raider first. We will inform the Two that the proposal is still being negotiated, but you want proof of Starbuck's survival. We'll then move Starbuck out of the Two's range and take him out." Boomer's eyes glowed with purpose. "Once the Two's out of play, we'll give you the signal and you can send in the marines."

The Admiral and the President shared a long look. Roslin took a step closer to Adama visually giving him her complete support. Finally Adama turned back to his former pilot. "You get one chance," his voice was gruff with emotion, "don't frak it up."

----------

When the group reached the hanger deck the atmosphere was full of apprehension. A line of marines stood ready to fire on the heavy raider if provocation or the order was given. The Admiral stepped up to the marine in charge and quietly explained the situation.

Sergeant Jack Richards couldn't keep the concern from his expression but he was a loyal soldier to the bone. He grabbed three of his best men and pulled them aside to explain the change of plans. Less than three minutes later the marines were ready to move and Boomer and Caprica started their walk to the heavy raider.

"Admiral, Madam President, what's the situation?" Major Lee 'Apollo' Adama's voice sounded from the Admiral's left. Adama fought a jump of surprise. He hadn't heard his son's approach. Lee noticed and frowned, but kept his comment centered on the situation. "Where are the other Cylon representatives?"

"Athena sent the frakkers to download city," Colonel Tigh answered for the Admiral who couldn't seem to find his voice.

President Roslin curled her arm through Admiral Adama's for support. She knew that the father had no idea what to tell his son. What if Starbuck wasn't alive? What if she was? What if Boomer's plan failed and they were left with nothing to show for this entire ordeal but Starbuck's corpse to jettison? It would have been better for all concerned if Major Apollo had been kept far away from the hanger deck until this situation was resolved.

Reading the faces of the people before him, Lee was starting to get concerned…concerned and afraid. "What's going on, dad? What happened?"

A loud mechanical buzz filled the air and all heads turned back to the front to watch as Boomer and Caprica waited for the heavy raider to open.

"Dad?" Lee asked again.

"Not now Major," Colonel Tigh barked. "Explanations will have to wait."

Boomer and Caprica were too far away to hear the tense exchange. When the buzzing finally stopped and the ramp was secure they calmly walked up and into the heavy raider. Any suspicious actions might tip the Two off and they couldn't afford to lose Starbuck. Starbuck was their key to a new life.

The smell hit them first. Boomer froze. Something was very wrong. Her stomach churned with real fear. They couldn't afford for anything to go wrong. She quickly moved forward and took in the scene before her. A gasp stuck in her throat.

"My god," Caprica stepped up beside her. She raised a shaky hand to cover her mouth. Her eyes were filled with dread as they came to rest on Boomer. "How are we going to explain this?"

A shudder wracked Boomer's body. That was a very good question.

* * *

End of Chapter Two.

* * *

Hope you liked it!

Elise/Ringred


	4. Half Life Three

Title: Half Life – 3/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 1/15/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…1882  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Thanks to everyone who sent me feedback! I really appreciate it. This chapter was much harder to write than I thought it would be and it ended up going a little differently than I had planned, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I'm trying very hard to keep everyone in character, so please let me know what you think!

Here goes…

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Three**

**

* * *

**

Boomer finally tore her eyes away from the corpse on the floor. She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself, but the pungent smell of blood made her gag. She wondered idly if it was her implanted human memories that caused the reflex. Caprica didn't seem to be similarly affected.

The blonde Cylon in question had turned her attention to the living occupant of the cabin. The prisoner, Captain Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace, sat calmly humming to herself less than three feet from her victim. Her hands were still secured and resting in her lap. Those hands, along with most of her forearms, were covered in Cylon blood.

Sensing the attention of her audience, Starbuck lifted her eyes from her painted hands and locked them on Caprica. She tilted her head to the side as Caprica watched and a happy smile curved her lips. She blew the Cylon a kiss.

Caprica's expression was sardonic as she spoke to Boomer. "Why do they want her back?"

"We did this to her. She wasn't always like this," Boomer frowned and examined the scene more closely. She didn't see any visible weapons. How had Starbuck gotten the jump on the Two? What did she use to kill him? They needed to know if Starbuck still had the weapon. They couldn't risk Starbuck attacking the marines by mistake.

The corpse was lying facedown in a pool of blood. Boomer approached it slowly. She kept her eyes carefully averted from Starbuck's. Bending her knees and leaning forward she turned the Two over. Boomer wasn't really surprised to see the throat ripped out. Starbuck was partial to the neck.

The gore turned Boomer's stomach, but she tried to hold a neutral expression. She moved carefully back a few steps from the corpse and finally lifted her eyes to Starbuck's face. The former viper pilot stared back at her. "Where's the weapon Kara? What did you use?"

A mocking smile curved Starbuck's lips. She remained silent. Boomer heard Caprica give a frustrated sigh behind her.

Boomer tried to reason with Starbuck again. "We're on the Galactica, Kara. We brought you home. The Admiral wants to send a team of marines onboard, but I can't risk you attacking them. Where's the weapon?"

Keeping her eyes locked with Boomer's, Starbuck started humming loudly from the beginning of her song. She watched as Boomer's expression fell in defeat. Her smile still in place, Starbuck looked back down at her painted hands.

Boomer backed away until she once again stood even with Caprica.

Caprica crossed her arms over her chest. She turned her head to look at Boomer. "This is your show, Eight. What are we going to do now?"

Boomer unconsciously lifted her hand and started to massage her neck and shoulder as she considered their options. Coming to a decision she nodded to herself. "We'll just have to keep a close eye on her. I don't think she'll attack a human, but we can't be certain. We'll warn the marines to keep their distance and we'll watch her."

Caprica looked at the dead Two doubtfully. "Wasn't that what he was doing?"

- - - - - - - - - -

After long silent minutes of waiting, Boomer reappeared and walked down the ramp and through the marines to reach Admiral Adama and President Roslin. Boomer noted the addition of Major Adama to the party and altered her words accordingly. She addressed herself directly to the Admiral. "The Two's been removed from play and the prisoner is unharmed, but we've had some complications."

"What complications?" The Admiral questioned.

"What prisoner?" Major Adama spoke up.

Admiral Adama tensed at his son's question. Boomer's eyes jumped from father to son and back again. She nodded slightly at the Admiral to let him know that she understood the situation. Apollo was far too calm to be fully informed.

Boomer ignored the Major's question and answered the Admiral. "You can send in the marines, but I wanted to prepare you. It's not pretty in there. There's a lot of blood." As she saw the Admiral's eyes narrow in suspicion she hurried to reassure him. "The blood is not the prisoner's. The prisoner is unharmed."

"What prisoner?" Apollo repeated.

"That's need to know, Major," Colonel Tigh told the CAG gruffly, "and right now you don't need to know." He glared at Boomer through his good eye and lifted his hand to rub his chin. "Where's the blonde?"

Boomer reached behind her and gripped her left wrist with her right hand as she met her former XO's stare. She unconsciously straightened her posture and cleared her expression of emotion. "Caprica is watching the prisoner, sir."

The President noted Boomer's change of stance with dark humor. It seemed the Cylon had not forgotten how to be a soldier. Roslin cleared her throat to draw the Cylon's attention to her. "In what condition will we find the prisoner? Is she lucid? Can she understand what's going on? Can she speak and follow instructions?"

Roslin read the flash of relief in Boomer's eyes and realized the Cylon had been struggling with how to broach that topic. Unease fill the President. How lucid could one woman be after five years of unrelenting torture and torment? Would she even be recognizable at all?

"She is somewhat lucid," Boomer told them carefully. "She can speak and follow instructions if she wants to, but she's been known to exhibit violent behavior without any known provocation." Boomer paused to let them digest that information before continuing. "I'm not sure if she understands her current situation or not. You have to remember that she's been a prisoner of war for over five years. I don't know how much of her actions and responses have been real and how much have been for our benefit. The Sevens believe her to be completely lucid and in control of her actions, but the Sevens' logic in these matters might be flawed."

The blood drained from Admiral Adama's face and Roslin found herself holding onto him more tightly. She heard Colonel Tigh cussing from the Admiral's other side and couldn't help but agree with his sentiment. Major Adama's hands were clenched into fists and Roslin knew he wanted desperately to demand an answer to his earlier question. The President felt a pang of sympathy for both Adamas.

Roslin took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking. "What do the other Cylons believe? What do you believe? Has she lost her purchase on reality?"

Boomer's expression was a mixture of regret and sympathy. "Many of the other Cylons, including many of my model, believe that her mind has been damaged irreparably. They believe that she fights hallucinations and reacts on the most basic level of instinct to survive." She paused. "I believe that she falls somewhere in between. I believe she has lucid moments and lost moments. I believe that she is damaged but not broken. She may never again be who she was, but I do believe she can be helped and she can learn to function as a human being again."

Colonel Tigh took an angry step forward and glared into the Cylon's face. "She wouldn't need to learn if you sick motherfrakkers hadn't frakked her up to begin with!"

Boomer took his abuse. She met his furious gaze with her own. "I know. But whether you believe me or not, I did what I could and I got her out when I saw the chance."

Colonel Tigh sneered. "You got her out to save your own skin, toaster, and don't for one moment think I'll ever forget it."

Boomer opened her mouth to reply, but Roslin cleared her throat again. "This is getting us nowhere. The Cylon's motives don't matter at present." The President's eyes darted to Major Adama before going back to Boomer. "The prisoner has been returned and we will do everything in our power to help her. Should we have medical personnel on standby?"

Boomer frowned. "It wouldn't hurt. Physically she's in perfect health, but mentally…" she let her words trail off.

The Admiral turned to look at his son. "Contact Cottle and tell him to get a team here immediately."

His face a picture of reluctant acceptance, Major Adama nodded. "Yes, sir." He moved off.

The Admiral spent a few minutes updating the marines before looking back to Boomer. "Is there anything else we need to know?" His expression made it clear that holding anything back would be a very bad idea.

"She reacts violently to touch of any kind," Boomer said, "and the marines will need to keep their distance. I don't believe she'll attack a human, but I can't be certain. Caprica and I will do everything we can to ensure that neither the marines nor Starbuck is harmed."

A loud crack sounded and the group turned to see Major Adama staring at them his mouth agape and his eyes wide and stunned. A battered two-way radio lay at his feet. Lee looked down at his hand and forced the shaking fingers closed before turning devastated eyes upon his father. "Major Cottle wants to speak to you, Admiral."

The Admiral's heart ached as he looked at his only living son. He took a step forward and pulled Lee up against his side. He wrapped his arm around his son's back and turned them both to face the rest of the group and the heavy raider. Adama nodded to his XO. "Saul, deal with Cottle." He nodded to Sergeant Jack Richards. "Do as Boomer says. Secure the ship, but keep your distance from Captain Thrace." He locked his eyes back on Boomer and hoped she understood the gravity of his words. "Don't frak this up."

"Sir?" Athena stepped forward to stand before the Admiral. "I'd like to request to join the marines in case they find any surprises on board."

Adama nodded his approval. "Granted." He scanned the group with his eyes. "Let's get this done." Everyone moved into action.

**

* * *

**

**End of Chapter Three**

* * *

Well? What did you think? 

Elise/Ringred


	5. Half Life Four

Title: Half Life – 4/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 2/4/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2492  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: I am extremely sorry for the long break between chapters. I came down with the flu. I'm still feeling pretty crappy, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Thankfully my muse hasn't abandoned me and I've written not only this chapter, but about half of the next chapter as well. It is pretty sad when you're laying in bed wishing you would just die already, but passing the time by working out the plot for the next few chapters of your fanfic.

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm thrilled that people seem to be enjoying my story so far. PLEASE let me know what you think. I love feedback.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Four**

* * *

She silently stared at nothing as the toy soldiers walked around her issuing and following orders. Not even by a twitch did she acknowledge their presence, but she knew. She knew their location, their motives, and their thoughts. She saw and understood. They were no threat if she played nice. She could play nice.

The false one, the mistress, was nearby. She carefully kept her distance and that was good. The temptation might be too great. The toy soldiers wouldn't understand the call of the blood. They couldn't see as she could.

"We're clear," the lead soldier spoke to the lost Eight. She nodded at his words but her eyes never left the prisoner. Horror rolled off her in waves as she took in the condition of the woman she once called friend.

Athena didn't know what she'd been expecting when she entered the heavy raider, but it wasn't this. She wasn't prepared for the woman to look so very familiar...and yet almost unrecognizable at the same time. The woman once known as Starbuck was not scarred. Her face and visible skin were unmarred. She was not disfigured. Athena saw no evidence of beatings or torture or starvation. She could detect no lingering signs of physical abuse.

The woman sat up straight in her seat and stared passively at the wall opposite her. Her long blonde hair was secured behind her in a neat ponytail. It was shiny and healthy. She wore a simple white tank and white sweatpants. Were it not for the violent contrast of the bright blood against her white ensemble, the woman would resemble nothing so much as an overgrown well-cared-for doll.

Physically she looked almost exactly as Athena remembered her, but that was where the similarities ended. Everything that was or made up Starbuck appeared to be missing. Starbuck had always carried with her an energy, an attitude that could not be ignored. That indefinable spark had seemed to demand that while you might not like her or approve of her you would acknowledge her. Starbuck was a force of nature. The spark was gone. This woman was not Starbuck. This woman was a hollow well-groomed shell.

"My god," Athena spoke softly, "what have you done to her?"

Caprica's brows lifted and her voice was mocking. "You? Don't you mean we?"

Athena turned to glare at the blonde beauty. Her distaste was written clearly across her face. "I know where my loyalties lie, Six. I had no part in this." She took a menacing step toward the taller Cylon. "I, along with everyone in MY fleet, believed that Starbuck was dead. Had I known otherwise I would have done everything in my power to make sure this didn't happen. This woman," she pointed toward the prisoner, "was my friend. She was my husband's BEST friend. Does that mean anything to you? Do you even understand what a friend is?"

"No," Boomer answered from the doorway. She stepped into the cabin and placed herself between Caprica and Athena. She met her fellow Eight's eyes. "She doesn't know what a friend is. You know that. She'll have to learn just like you did."

Athena didn't back down. "And you?"

Shadows of old pain filled Boomer's eyes. "I was a sleeper agent. I know what it is to be human." She turned to find the prisoner's attention locked on her. She nodded. "She was my friend long before she was yours, Athena."

"And yet you let this happen?"

"Let?" Caprica gave a bitter laugh. "Since when does one Cylon let anything happen? Boomer was one voice among many. She had no power. She didn't let this happen. There was nothing she could've done to stop it. She would've been overruled, overpowered, and boxed. What good would she have been to your precious friend then?"

"I did what I could, Athena," Boomer told the other Eight. "I saw my chance and I got her out."

Athena's eyes narrowed. She looked over both Boomer and Caprica. They were saying all the right words, making all the right gestures, but could they truly be trusted? Athena knew it was up to her to find out. She was the only Cylon member of the Colonial Fleet. She would make it her personal responsibility to watch these two, to determine if their motives were genuine, and to take them out if necessary. She would not put her family at risk.

"Let's hope it wasn't too little, too late," Athena finally told them. She turned her attention to Sergeant Jack Richards. "Update the Admiral and get our next orders." He nodded and left.

Boomer frowned and reached up one hand to massage her neck. "He's going to want to get Starbuck off the heavy raider and that could be tricky."

Athena took a deep breath and prayed for patience. She fought to control this unexplainable anger she felt toward the other Cylons. "How tricky?"

Caprica tilted her head to the side and smirked. "We still don't know what she used to kill the Two."

----------

"Report," Admiral Adama ordered as Sergeant Richards reached the group of leaders.

"The heavy raider is secure. The guard's dead. The prisoner is alive with no visible injuries."

Both Adamas tensed at the news. It seemed too good to be true. They were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The President smiled reassuringly at the marine before speaking. "In what condition did you find the prisoner, Sergeant? Is she conscious? Is she lucid?"

Now the sergeant frowned and his eyes darted from the President to the Admiral and back again. "Conscious? Yes. Lucid? Unknown. She didn't respond in any way to our presence, Madam President. I haven't seen her move or speak." He paused as if considering whether or not he should continue.

"Sergeant?" The President prompted.

His eyes darted once again to his Admiral. "It appears that the guard's fatal wound was inflicted by the prisoner. Her hands and arms are coated in the skinjob's blood."

Colonel Tigh snorted and reached up to rub his chin. "And do you blame her, Sergeant?"

"No sir," the marine quickly shook his head and explained, "but the prisoner's hands are bound. I just don't know how she managed to overpower a skinjob by herself, much less with bound hands."

Colonel Tigh gave a husky laugh. "Never underestimate Kara Thrace, Sergeant. If she wants you dead, she'll find a way to make it happen."

"Is there anything else?" The President asked.

Sergeant Richards thought before answering. "The blonde skinjob seems to be keeping a careful distance from the prisoner. I don't think this is the first time the prisoner's killed one of them."

Admiral Adama's eyes narrowed on the marine. "They had her for over five years, Sergeant."

"She probably killed as many of the frakkers as she could get her hands on," Colonel Tigh agreed.

"Of course, sir."

The marine snapped his mouth closed and stood at attention but President Roslin could tell that he was still holding something back. She was quickly losing patience. "What aren't you telling us, Sergeant? What is it?"

The sergeant took a deep breath. "I don't have any proof, Madam President, but I believe that Captain Thrace is aware of what's going on. She never so much as looked in our direction but I could feel her watching our every move."

"But she never reacted? She never spoke?" The President frowned.

"No, ma'am," the marine shook his head, "it was like we weren't worth acknowledging; like she knew we were there but she had no reason to react to us."

"Thank you, Sergeant," President Roslin said. "If you could give us a few moments?"

"Yes, ma'am," the sergeant stepped away.

The President turned to look at Admiral Adama. "What now, Bill?"

His eyes were hard and determined. "I'm going in. I want to see her."

"So am I," Major Adama said.

"No," the Admiral and the President answered at once. The son opened his mouth to argue, but his father cut him off with a glare. "You will remain here or I will order you detained until the situation is resolved to my satisfaction, Major. Am I understood?"

"Yes, sir," Apollo hissed through gritted teeth. He took a step away from his father and snapped to attention.

The Admiral didn't have time to deal with his son's attitude. He turned back to the President. "I have to see her. I know it isn't wise and I know you want to object, but this is something that I have to do."

The President sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyes were filled with concern. "I don't suppose I should bother to warn you that you could be walking into a trap? We have no verification that this prisoner is, in fact, Captain Thrace. She could be a very convincing Cylon ploy. You will be walking into a Cylon vessel with three known Cylons inside."

The Admiral's resolve didn't waver. "I have to do this."

The President nodded resigned. "That's what I thought."

----------

The marines along with Boomer and Athena snapped to attention as Admiral Adama stepped into the cabin of the heavy raider. Caprica watched the display with amusement.

"Sir," Athena spoke up first. She placed herself between the Admiral and the prisoner. "Is this wise?"

"No," the Admiral's voice was husky with emotion. He met the raptor pilot's stare. "But it's necessary. Step aside, Lieutenant." Athena reluctantly moved and Admiral Adama got his first good look at what was left of the woman he'd once considered a daughter. He suddenly felt very empty and very old. "Kara?"

The woman showed no response to the sound of her name. Shortly after Sergeant Richards had left the heavy raider she'd returned to amusing herself by humming and rocking back and forth.

For long silent moments the marines and the Cylons watched as the commanding officer of the Colonial Fleet fought to control his devastated response to seeing his daughter in such a condition. One by one they tore their eyes away ashamed to witness such a raw private battle.

It was Caprica who first realized that something had changed. She frowned. The humming had stopped. Caprica looked back to the prisoner. The woman once again sat up straight in her seat, but her eyes were far from vacant and dull. They were locked on the Admiral and they seemed to hold such vast knowledge and secrets that for the first time Caprica began to believe that the Sevens might not have been so very wrong. What if Kara Thrace really was the chosen one?

"Kara, can you hear me?" The Admiral tried again. The prisoner still gave no response but her gaze was clear and true. The Admiral pushed his battered emotions to the back of his mind and forced strength and authority into his expression. He took a deep breath to steady himself and then addressed the prisoner again. "Captain Thrace, I don't know if you remember me or not, but I am Admiral William Adama. I'm your commanding officer. I am not a Cylon and I mean you no harm. But I do need you to listen to me now and to follow my orders so that neither you nor anyone else here gets hurt. Do you understand me?"

The prisoner gave no response. Caprica watched the exchange doubtfully. She prepared to intervene should the unpredictable human attempt to attack the Admiral.

The Admiral gave a short nod as though the prisoner had somehow agreed to his terms. He rested his arms on his waist. "Captain Thrace, I need you to stand up."

Caprica's eyes widened in surprise as the violent blond calmly followed the human's order. Her eyes remained locked with the Admiral's.

The Admiral nodded again. "Good. Now I need you to slowly follow me and we're going to exit this ship. Do not make any moves that could be considered threatening. These soldiers are sworn to protect me and they take their job very seriously." He turned and slowly began walking toward the door.

The prisoner calmly followed after him. The other occupants of the room all seemed to give a simultaneous sigh of relief. As if sensing the release of tension, the prisoner stopped. She turned her head to the side and stared directly into Caprica's eyes. It was only then that the blond Cylon realized she'd allowed herself to become to distracted by the Admiral's presence. She was now easily within the prisoner's reach. Caprica froze.

The prisoner smiled.

"Captain Thrace?" The Admiral turned back to see what had stopped their progress. He took a deep breath and willed the prisoner to obey him. "Captain Thrace, follow me."

The prisoner stared at Caprica with acute longing for one more prolonged moment. Then she relaxed slightly and stuck out her lower lip in an obvious pout. She turned her head back to face the front and took another step forward.

Caprica ground her teeth together. A shudder wracked her frame. She turned her head to look at Boomer. "I hate that woman."

But Boomer's eyes were on something else. Caprica followed her gaze to see something resting on the prisoner's now-vacant seat. It was a bloody and slightly warped fork.

Caprica rolled her eyes and growled in disgust. "The Sevens will never learn."

* * *

**End of Chapter Four**

* * *


	6. Half Life Five

Title: Half Life – 5/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 2/9/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2292  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! You helped me keep my muse in line. Sorry about the wait. I had hoped to post this chapter a few days ago, but it refused to end. I finally ended up doing some slight editing and making it into two chapters. Here's the first one. PLEASE let me know what you think. Feedback is always welcome!

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Five**

* * *

The Admiral exited the heavy raider alone. President Roslin wasn't certain if that was a good sign or a bad one. As soon as his feet hit the deck he headed for the marines and started issuing orders. The marines moved into action and began clearing the hanger deck of all personnel except the waiting medical team supervised by Major Cottle and the trio of the President, Colonel Tigh, and Major Adama. The Admiral moved to join the latter. He nodded in answer to their unspoken question. "It's her. It's Kara." 

Roslin was surprised how relieved she felt at the news but she couldn't dismiss her earlier concerns. "That will need to be verified, Bill."

"Of course. We'll have Cottle run a DNA comparison with Kara's sample on file when he examines her." He locked his eyes with Roslin's and she could see the emotional battle he was trying to hide. "But I know it's her. It's Kara."

"Where is she, Bill?" Colonel Tigh asked gruffly. "Why didn't you bring her out with you? Can't she walk?"

The Admiral's expression became more guarded. "Captain Thrace is waiting for my order to exit the heavy raider. I wanted to clear the hanger deck before bringing her out. Captain Thrace," his tormented eyes flickered briefly to his son and his lips tightened, "she's…not well."

Roslin felt a knot form in her stomach as her fears were confirmed. What condition had this man found his lost daughter in? For years Laura Roslin had watched Admiral William Adama face crisis after crisis and disappointment after disappointment with a professional strength and dignity that she couldn't help but admire. She could count on one hand the number of times that strength and dignity had wavered. William Adama believed that emotional displays were reserved for the privacy of his quarters. But he was struggling now and Laura wanted nothing so much as to comfort him and help him through this emotional blow.

"What do you mean she's not well?" Major Adama demanded. He took an angry step toward his father. "Is she hurt? Did they…did they hurt her?"

"Well that's a damn stupid question, Apollo," Colonel Tigh answered before the Admiral had a chance. "Of course they hurt her. They had her for five frakkin' years. But that's not the real problem here, is it Bill?"

Saul's expression was knowing as it settled on his best friend and commanding officer. "We all heard what Boomer said. They had five years to frak with Starbuck's head and the bitch wasn't all there to begin with. I saw what they did with four months on New Caprica." He paused and shook his head as dark memories threatened to overtake him. His voice was low and filled with pain when he continued. "After five years…is there any coming back for her? Is she even still there?"

For just an instant the Admiral's carefully maintained mask slipped away and Laura realized that was his greatest fear. He was afraid there would be no coming back for Kara. He was afraid his daughter was already gone.

"She's Starbuck. She'll be fine," Major Adama glared at the Colonel as though daring him to disagree, but Tigh refused to give Lee the fight he obviously wanted. The Major turned back to his father. "I want to see her. I have to see her."

"No Lee," the Admiral pulled himself together and met his son's defiant glare. "She's in no condition to deal with you at the moment, son. She's…not well. She's not the Kara we knew. You'll only upset her and yourself. I think I made a little progress with her in the heavy raider. I can't risk letting you destroy that."

Lee's defiant façade crumbled as the reality of Kara's possible mental state struck home. Laura found she couldn't bear the pain in his eyes. She looked down only to see his hands shaking as he tried to grip the material of his flight suit to steady them. "Does she…does she recognize you?"

The Admiral's tone was bleak. "I don't know, son. I'd like to believe she does but I just don't know." He took a deep breath and Laura could see him calling on all his inner strength and forcing it into his expression. He was an admiral and he was a father. Right now he needed to be strong for his crew and his children. "What's important right now is that I do believe she trusts me. She held my eyes and she's following my orders. She wanted to attack the blonde Cylon but I managed to talk her down. She listened to me. I think I've managed to reach her and that's a start."

"It certainly is," Roslin spoke with more optimism than she felt. She knew that both Adamas desperately needed hope and support at the moment. "What are our plans from this point, Admiral?"

Admiral Adama tried to give her a grateful smile but his lips wouldn't seem to cooperate. He nodded an acknowledgement of her support instead. Roslin returned the gesture and watched him with concerned eyes.

Taking another deep breath, the Admiral outlined his plan for getting Kara off the heavy raider and down to the Life Station. He emphasized that under no circumstances was Kara to be approached. His eyes lingered on Lee and his son reluctantly nodded his acceptance of the order.

There was one object of concern. Saul frowned at his best friend doubtfully. "You're going to order her to let Cottle sedate her? I don't know if I'd want to go at a sane Starbuck with a needle, Bill."

"She trusts me, Saul," Adama said. "I can't risk losing that trust through lies or omission. I have to tell her."

The Colonel shook his head. "It's your decision, Bill, but you might want to have that medical team prepared to treat Cottle."

That brought a reluctant smile to the Admiral's lips. "It might do the Major good to let her rough him up a little." He started the walk across the hanger deck to speak with the Major in question.

"Dad?"

The Admiral turned back to look at his son. He watched Lee struggle to find the right words. He willed Lee to trust him. "She's home, Lee. That's all that matters. Kara's home and we'll do whatever it takes to help her. We won't lose her again."

----------

She walked slowly down the ramp step by step. No threatening moves. Nothing fast or jerky. She took slow deep breaths and kept her eyes glued to the man walking before her. She didn't look to the right or the left. She couldn't. It was too much…too bright…too intense. Her head wanted to spin but she fought to focus on the man. He was the Admiral. She knew him. The father awaiting the return of the lost daughter. Dreams, visions, memories…she had seen.

"Kara!"

Noise and waves of emotion from the left but still she focused on the man. She saw only him. He was her guide, her leader, her father. He would show her the way. He would lead her through the blinding brightness and confusion. She would follow him. She would not fail him.

Admiral Adama ignored his son's outburst and calmly led the prisoner to the waiting medical team. He couldn't afford to spook her. He only prayed that the President and his XO could keep his son under control.

He turned to face Kara. Her eyes locked with his and he felt the strong connection formed inside the heavy raider return. She seemed to see deep inside him and somehow he believed he could reach her. It was time to put it to the test. "Captain Thrace, I need you to climb onto the stretcher."

Kara moved to obey. Using her bound hands as little as possible, she awkwardly maneuvered herself onto the stretcher. Her legs hung down over the side and she placed her hands in her lap. Her eyes returned to the Admiral.

He nodded. "Good." Then he paused briefly before taking a step forward to stand directly in front of his daughter. "Captain Thrace, this is Major Cottle." He motioned to the doctor standing near the end of the stretcher.

Kara's eyes never left the Admiral. She waited for him to explain.

"The Major is going to examine you and run some tests. We need to know if the Cylons did anything to you and we need to compare your DNA to the sample on file." He stared into those knowing eyes. "It would be easier for everyone concerned if you weren't awake during the examination. I need you to allow Major Cottle to inject you with a sedative so that you can sleep."

Kara's head slowly turned in the Major's direction. Her eyes narrowed first on the syringe and then on the doctor holding it.

"Sir," Boomer spoke up for the first time since following the Admiral and Starbuck out of the heavy raider. She stood beside Caprica. Athena and three of the marines watched them both closely from behind while Sergeant Richards kept his weapon trained on Starbuck should she decide to turn on the Admiral. "Caprica and myself should be able to restrain Starbuck if necessary."

Caprica turned to glare at her fellow Cylon.

"No," Admiral Adama rejected the suggestion adamantly. He would not use Cylons to force Kara to do something she didn't want to do. "That is not acceptable, nor will it be necessary. Captain Thrace knows that I will not allow anything to happen to her. She will accept the sedative willingly."

Kara still glared at the doctor. She tilted her head to the side as if daring him to approach her.

Major Cottle stared back at her unimpressed. He thumped the syringe with his other hand and made sure to clear it of any air bubbles. "Don't even think about it, Captain. It didn't put up with your attitude then and I'm not putting up with it now."

Kara scowled.

"Captain Thrace," the Admiral tried again, "I am ordering you to allow Major Cottle to administer the sedative."

Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She turned her head back to face the front. When her eyes opened again they made it very clear that she was not happy with the latest order. Still, she didn't move or fight as Major Cottle stepped forward, cleaned the site, and injected her with the contents of the syringe.

As the doctor moved away and the sedative began to run through her bloodstream, the Admiral helped Kara turn and lay back on the stretcher. He couldn't resist reaching out to run his hand over her hair. His voice broke as he spoke to her softly. "Thank you, Kara. Thank you for trusting me. You're home now. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Kara blinked slowly as she fought the affects of the potent sedative. The Admiral's eyes were bright and she could feel his pain and his love. She wanted to reassure him. Kara forced herself to nod and speak softly. Her words were slow and slurred. "I know. I see." She let her eyes slide closed and welcomed oblivion.

The Admiral rubbed his hand over his aching chest and fought back the moisture in his eyes. She spoke. She trusted him. There was hope. He took a moment more to gather himself before turning to address Major Cottle. "I want the examination and the DNA comparison done as quickly as possible."

The normally cranky doctor nodded solemnly. "I'm on it."

The Admiral looked to Sergeant Richards. "Sergeant, you and your men are to escort Major Cottle and his team down to the Life Station. No one is to be allowed access to Captain Thrace except medical personnel or those authorized by myself."

"Yes, sir," Sergeant Richards motioned to his marines and they moved to join the medical team.

Admiral Adama locked his eyes with Boomer's. "How long do we have before the others download?"

"Not long enough to hang around," Boomer answered.

The Admiral nodded in acknowledgement of her honesty. He finally turned to look at the shell-shocked trio of the President, Colonel Tigh, and his son. His eyes settled on his XO. "Set the Fleet to jump immediately. The frakkers are not getting her back."

Tigh nodded. "Damn right, they're not." He headed for the nearest comm.

* * *

**End of Chapter**

* * *

Well? What did you think? Feedback? Pretty please? 

Elise/Ringred


	7. Half Life Six

Title: Half Life – 6/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 2/16/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2200  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Well, I ended up doing a major rewrite on this chapter and it turned out a lot more 'explanation time' than I'd planned. But I had to get this stuff out of the way sometime. Hopefully it still comes across as interesting. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please let me know what you think! I want to make sure that everything makes sense and that everyone stays in character. There should be more action and less talking in the coming chapters…and we'll see some other characters show up such as Helo and Sam. Oh, and thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You help me stay determined to keep writing.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Six**

* * *

Five hours ago the order had been given for the Colonial Fleet to make a series of four FTL jumps. The Admiral wanted as much distance between themselves and the Cylon Fleet as possible. According to the information provided by Boomer Eight and Caprica Six the Cylon Fleet did not, in fact, have any more sleeper agents hidden within the Fleet. They claimed to have stumbled upon the Colonial Fleet several days ago completely by accident.

"Are we really supposed to believe that bullshit?" Colonel Tigh growled upon first hearing the news. "We still haven't been able to identify five of your skinjob models. Do you actually expect us to believe that not a one of them is running around on our ships?"

The group from the hanger deck were now located in the Life Station. They were impatiently waiting for news regarding the DNA comparison and Captain Thrace's physical condition. The Admiral was seated against the wall between the President and Colonel Tigh. Caprica Six and Boomer Eight stood opposite them answering questions. Lieutenant Agathon stood slightly away from the two cylons but close enough to try to intervene should they attempt to attack the three leaders. Major Adama alternated between pacing and glaring at the cylons and sitting next to President Roslin and glaring at the cylons. Currently he was seated.

Boomer calmly met the XO's glare. "I expect you to believe nothing of the kind. I assumed that our sister had informed you about the Final Five years ago." She looked at Athena.

Athena stared back at Boomer defiantly but remained silent.

"Lieutenant Agathon explained that your seven known Cylon models claim to have no knowledge of the identity of these Final Five," the President spoke up instead. "You'll excuse us if we find that theory somewhat unbelievable. Even if Lieutenant Agathon had no access to that information," she turned briefly to look at Athena, "which we have come to accept over the years," she looked back to Boomer; "we find it unlikely that no cylon possesses the information. It's simply not logical. What use are they if neither your Significant Seven, nor indeed these Final Five themselves, know who they are. Someone must be able to identify them."

"Someone can," Caprica smirked and her eyes moved to the closed curtain behind which the medical team was currently examining Captain Kara Thrace.

"The chosen one," Athena said. All eyes turned to the raptor pilot. It was clear from the expression on her face that she had not meant to speak the words aloud.

"Lieutenant?" Admiral Adama prompted an explanation.

Athena took a deep breath and reluctantly began to speak. "Just as humanity has a distinct theology and belief system, so do the Cylons. Humans have scrolls filled with ancient prophecies. The Cylons have prophecies as well. Though religious fervor varies among the different models, most generally believe in the one Cylon god. They believe that their purpose is to fulfill god's plan and that all their actions are a manifestation of god's will."

"They blame everything they do on their god?" Major Adama's voice and eyes were filled with venom. "How convenient."

The President frowned at Major Adama for his interruption. She turned her attention back to Athena and tried to look encouraging. "And what does this have to do with the chosen one? I, along with our religious leaders, have been studying references to the chosen one in our scriptures for years."

Athena shrugged. "You'd be surprised how often Colonial theology and Cylon theology overlap."

"On the contrary," the President smirked, "it's not really surprising at all, Lieutenant. We created the Cylons. One could only expect their new religion to have been heavily influenced by the most prevalent religion they came into contact with."

Caprica did not like that sentiment. She glared at the President. "Our god is not based on any of your false gods. Our god is the one true god. It was through his will that the Cylons were given freedom. All that has been or will be is through god's will."

Major Adama stood up and stepped between the President and the cylon. His lips curled up in disgust. "If it was your god's will that you kill billions of innocent people, most of which had never even seen a functioning cylon, then he is one sick frak."

Caprica's expression clouded over as her own doubts and guilt rose to the surface. Her voice was lower and less certain when she spoke again. "It is possible that the attacks on the Twelve Colonies were due to a misinterpretation of god's will."

Boomer reached over and took one of Caprica's hands in her own.

Caprica gladly accepted the show of support. She stared back at Major Adama defiantly. "God is love. I have come to believe that the devastation wrought on your people by my own was not god's will."

Lee stared at her in disbelief. "Is that supposed to be an 'oops, we're sorry'? You've spent the last eight years trying to decimate our race!"

"This is getting us nowhere!" The President interrupted before either Caprica or Boomer could respond. "Major, this is not the time for pointing fingers or religious debates. Please retake your seat and remain silent." She waited until Lee reluctantly obeyed before looking back to Athena. "You were saying, Lieutenant?"

Athena, who had been staring rather stunned at Caprica after her latest statements, snapped back to attention and faced the President. "Um…one figure prominent in the prophecies of both theologies is that of the chosen one. In Colonial theology, as you know, the chosen one holds the key to the universe. In Cylon theology the chosen one alone has the ability to unveil the identity of the Final Five. The Cylons believe that the chosen one is the key to true enlightenment."

Admiral Adama frowned. "And the Cylons believed that Kara was this chosen one?"

"We were open to the possibility," Caprica confirmed.

"The Sevens are convinced," Boomer said. "They're obsessed with the idea of guiding Starbuck to her destiny. They claim a closer connection to god and a greater understanding of the universe. They believe that Starbuck is their destiny…their purpose."

"So you can imagine how unhappy they are at the moment," Caprica said.

The President frowned. "They will continue to pursue Captain Thrace."

Boomer and Caprica shared a look. Boomer spoke. "The Cylon Fleet will no doubt continue their pursuit, but the Sevens may not get the chance." That got everyone's attention. Boomer straightened her posture and clasped her hands behind her. "The other models have grown increasingly displeased with the Sevens of late. There's been talk of boxing the entire series."

Athena gasped and stared at the other two cylons stunned. "They wouldn't. They couldn't."

Caprica frowned. "They can. It is by no means a desirable solution, but it wouldn't be the first time such a decision has been carried out. The Threes were boxed over five years ago."

Athena shuddered. "My god. They've sunk so far as to execute their own?"

Caprica smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Perhaps now you can better understand why Boomer and myself no longer wish to remain with the Cylon Fleet. The Cylons have lost their way. I believe," she looked to Boomer and the Eight nodded her agreement, "we believe that the Cylons no longer follow god's plan."

Colonial Tigh gave a husky laugh. "Well, I have to say that's the best news I've heard all day. Maybe the frakkers will all box each other and save us the trouble."

Caprica glared at the XO but held her tongue.

"But the other models are now convinced that Captain Thrace is not the chosen one?" President Roslin directed her question to Boomer. "They will have no reason to pursue Captain Thrace specifically?"

Boomer's expression was guarded. "That's correct. They no longer have any use for Starbuck. They will, however, continue to pursue your fleet and perhaps specifically Caprica and myself for our betrayal."

Roslin's answering smile was rueful. "The Cylons will always pursue us, Boomer. We never expected anything else."

Admiral Adama nodded. "We'll deal with that problem when we get to it. We always have in the past."

Caprica looked mystified by their attitude. "You humans do show amazing resilience at times. I fail to understand how you maintain hope in the face of such a futile battle."

"Sometimes hope is all we have," President Roslin answered Caprica, but her eyes were still on Boomer's face. The cylon was holding something back. Roslin was certain of it. "What aren't you telling us, Boomer? If you truly wish to gain our trust then start today with absolute honesty. What are you holding back about Captain Thrace?"

The President watched the internal struggle on Boomer's face before the cylon finally sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I believe the other models are wrong. I believe that Starbuck may very well be the chosen one spoken of in both the Colonial and Cylon prophecies."

Stunned silence met that pronouncement. Athena was the first to find her voice. She stared at her fellow Eight confused. "And you still brought her back to the Fleet?"

Boomer smirked. "Whether or not Starbuck is the chosen one has no bearing on my desire to return home. I no longer desire Cylon enlightenment and the only reason I wish for the Final Five to be identified is so that the Fleet can be protected from them should they come to pose a threat." Boomer paused and shook her head. "Frankly it doesn't matter if Starbuck is the Cylon chosen one or not. She'll never help the Cylons in any way after the treatment she received at their hands. The Sevens are delusional to believe otherwise."

Caprica nodded. "I tend to agree. That reasoning played a large part in my vote to support the proposal of a trade. The prisoner has showed herself to be violent, irrational, and extremely dangerous to any and all cylons. I could never quite envision a future where she lived with us in harmony."

"Starbuck has a hard enough time living in harmony with people she likes," Boomer said.

Colonel Tigh laughed. "There are people Starbuck likes?"

Major Adama leaned forward to glare at the Colonel.

Admiral Adama ignored his XO and his son. He pierced Boomer with a sharp stare. "What are your reasons for believing Kara might be this chosen one?"

Boomer snapped to attention and opened her mouth to respond, but the screeching sound of a curtain being pulled filled the air. Every head turned in the direction of the sound. Major Cottle stepped through the curtain and then yanked it back closed before the waiting crowd could see anything useful. He took a deep breath and slowly walked forward to meet them.

"Report," Admiral Adama demanded impatiently.

Major Cottle nodded to the Admiral but took his time. He pulled a cigar out of the pocket of his lab coat and stuck it in his mouth. He pulled out a lighter and lit the end. After taking two deep draws off the cigar the doctor finally spoke. "I've finished the DNA comparison and the preliminary examination. I'll need to run some more tests and I'm still waiting for some of the bloodwork to come back."

The Admiral clenched his hands into fists. The President noticed this. She took a step closer to Adama and placed her hand on his back. She tried to hasten the doctor. "What can you tell us, Major?"

Doc Cottle squinted and looked from the Admiral to the President and back again. He finally shrugged. "What do you want first? The good news or the bad news?"

* * *

**End of Chapter**

* * *

Well? What did you think? Feedback? Pretty Please?

Elise/Ringred


	8. Half Life Seven

Title: Half Life – 7/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 2/26/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…1814  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Sorry about the wait, but life and evil spoilers were killing me. I finally managed to exorcise my depresso demons and finish this chapter. I didn't get quite as far as I hoped. I wanted to actually get Sam and Helo in here, but I promise they will be showing up in the first part of next chapter. The chapter just seemed to end better where it is.

I hope people are still reading and that you enjoy the chapter. If you do then please let me know. I can use all the encouragement I can get. Juggling all these characters is pretty darn hard. I usually focus on one or two characters. Trying to keep up with so many has me worried that I'll lose someone or have them drop out of character.

Please let me know what you think!

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

"It's Thrace." 

The group exhaled in relief. The Admiral slumped slightly. President Roslin wound her arm through the Admiral's and stayed firmly at his side. Major Adama staggered over to retake his seat against the wall. He buried his face in his hands and tried to hold it together.

After giving everyone a moment to digest his announcement, Major Cottle continued. "The DNA confirmed it, but I went ahead and ordered some x-rays just to be on the safe side." He took another deep draw off his cigar to buy some time. They weren't going to like the next part. "Captain Thrace has quite the colorful history of fractures. The Cylons would have one hell of a time trying to duplicate them. The evidence shown on the x-rays matches Captain Thrace's medical records almost perfectly."

"Almost?" The Admiral's voice was gruff with emotion.

Major Cottle threw Caprica and Boomer a disdainful look. "A new fracture on both femurs, three ribs, and her right clavicle."

Boomer tried to explain. "The clavicle…"

The Adamas reacted at once. The Major's head snapped up and a snarl curved his lips. The Admiral jerked and took a step toward his former pilot.

President Roslin hurried to intervene. She stepped between Captain Thrace's enraged family and the cylons. She glared hard at Boomer. "You will be fully debriefed at an appropriate time, Miss Valerii. Now is not that time."

Boomer's eyes were filled with pain and frustration. "But I…"

Major Adama pushed to his feet. Athena's eyes widened in alarm as she took in Apollo's expression. "Boomer, shut up."

But Boomer was looking at the Admiral. She wanted to explain. She didn't want him to look at her that way. Her eyes burned with frustrated tears.

The President took a deep breath and reached out to lay her hand on Boomer's forearm. The former raptor pilot's eyes snapped back to Roslin. The President tried to push her own feelings of anger and distaste away and understand the cylon's apparent pain. She forced a sympathetic expression onto her face. "Not now, Miss Valerii."

Boomer's eyes flickered one more time to the Admiral, but she reluctantly nodded. "Of course, Madam President."

Major Cottle cleared his throat to draw their attention back to him. He wanted to get this over with. "Her preliminary bloodwork came up clean. I can't find any drugs to explain her altered mental state." He shrugged. "I'm not really surprised, but I checked anyway. I also found no evidence of sexual assault and little real evidence of recent physical abuse. She's got a few bruises but nothing serious. Physically, at least, she's healthy."

"Is there anything else?" the Admiral demanded.

Cottle frowned. He held his cigar away from his face and rubbed his jaw with his thumb. "Don't expect Thrace to be in the best mood when she wakes up. She regained consciousness during…an unfortunate portion of her exam. I had to sedate her again." The Major smirked. "I don't think she's very happy with me."

President Roslin fought an inappropriate smile. That man never changed. "Thank you, doctor."

Major Cottle nodded, "Madame President." He turned and disappeared back behind the curtain.

For a few moments no one moved, then Admiral Adama seemed to snap back to life. He looked to President Roslin. "She'll need a psyche evaluation. We need to find out exactly what's going on inside her head."

Roslin nodded. "I know there are several practicing psychiatrists in the Fleet. Therapy has become much more common since New Caprica. I'll contact Tory and we'll find the best we have to offer."

The Admiral took her hand in his. "Thank you." His eyes were filled with gratitude and affection. Her support meant a great deal to him.

Roslin sent him a reassuring smile.

The Admiral turned to his XO. "I need these two," he motioned to Boomer and Caprica, "fully debriefed. Start with anything and everything they know regarding Kara. I want to know how she was taken. How was she treated? What methods did they use to interrogate, manipulate, or subdue her? How did she get those fractures? I want to know everything."

Colonel Tigh nodded. "Yes, sir. Where would you like these debriefs to take place?"

The Admiral smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "Show them Lieutenant Agathon's former quarters."

Caprica sighed and rolled her eyes. "Why does that not sound encouraging?"

"I don't have time to be accommodating at the moment," the Admiral said. "I have to find out everything your people did to my daughter and what we can do to help her. That is my top priority. Your cooperation and any information you can provide us will go a long way toward improving your circumstances."

Caprica opened her mouth to respond, but Boomer lifted her hand and caught the other woman's attention. She looked into the beautiful blonde's eyes. "We knew this would take time." Caprica's lips drew together in a mutinous line but she held her tongue.

Boomer cleared her expression of emotion and met the Admiral's stare. "We understand this is a difficult situation and you have to take care of Starbuck. We will cooperate and we'll try to be patient."

"Your cooperation will be appreciated," President Roslin answered when the Admiral couldn't seem to find the words.

Boomer nodded and both she and Caprica stepped toward Colonel Tigh.

The Colonel ignored the two cylons for the moment and frowned at his commanding officer thoughtfully. "I understand we needed to keep this quiet, Bill, but Cottle's confirmation changes things. Someone has to let Samuel Anders know that his first wife's alive."

"You're right," the Admiral agreed, "I'll have Sam brought to the Life Station immediately. I'll break the news myself."

"Yes, sir," the Colonel nodded. He turned his attention to the cylons. A sneer curved his lips. "You two get to come with me. Make sure to open up the folders marked 'Starbuck' in those hard drives you call brains." He led Boomer and Caprica away.

The Admiral reached up to rub his eyes. "We need to find Sam."

"He's probably in the break room," Lee came to stand before his father. His eyes were conflicted, but he took a deep breath and forced the words past his lips. "I'll find him and bring him here."

The Admiral frowned at his son concerned. He couldn't imagine Lee willingly leaving the Life Station before seeing Kara. "I can send a marine to escort him, Lee."

Lee shook his head. "I'm his CAG and his friend. I'll do it." He had to do something. He couldn't just stand here waiting anymore. If that meant finding Kara's raptor pilot husband and dragging him down to the Life Station then so be it.

"Alright, son," the Admiral said, "but don't mention Kara. This is going to be hard enough for him to process without an audience."

Lee stared at his father. He did have a little more tact than that. But seeing the conflict of emotions in the Admiral's eyes, Lee sighed. "I know that dad." He squeezed his father's shoulder and nodded to the President as he left.

"Sir," Athena stepped forward to address the Admiral, "I'd like to request permission to inform my husband of the situation. He and Starbuck were very close and I know he would want to be here."

"Permission granted, Lieutenant," the Admiral said. "I believe he's currently pulling a shift in CIC?"

"Yes, sir," she answered.

The Admiral's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Tell Lieutenant Gaeta I'm putting him in charge for the time being, but I want to be notified immediately if anything comes up. Captain Agathon can join us here."

"Thank you, sir," Athena turned to go.

"And Lieutenant?" President Roslin called after her.

Athena looked back. "Yes, Madam President?"

The President thought about the crewmembers that worked in CIC and one woman in particular. Things were about to get very complicated. She tried to convey her meaning with her eyes. "Be discreet."

It only took Athena a moment to pick up the President's message. She nodded. "Yes, Madam President."

Once they were alone, Laura squeezed her dear friend's hand. "I'll contact Tory over ship-to-ship while we're waiting, Bill. Knowing my very efficient aide, we'll have a list of credited psychiatrists within the hour."

Bill ran his thumb back and forth over her fingers. "Thank you, Laura." His voice was gruff with emotion. "I know you've had your reservations about this whole situation. Thank you for standing beside me, beside us, anyway. I appreciate your support."

Laura smiled. "We've weathered many storms together, you and I."

He nodded. "Yes we have."

She lifted her other hand and placed it on top of their joined grip. "We'll make it through this one, Bill. We have Kara back now. We will help her."

Bill took a deep breath and nodded again. "Yes we will."

Her reassuring smile still in place, Laura tilted her head to the side. "I'll go contact Tory."

Bill's eyes were drawn to the curtain blocking Kara from their view. "I'm going to sit with my daughter."

Laura leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "Of course you are."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	9. Half Life Eight

Title: Half Life – 8/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 3/04/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. Spoiler speculation for future episodes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: I can honestly say I have no idea who the main pairing will end up. I'm up for suggestions. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2348  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Well, here goes my last chapter before the dreaded episode of doom! I'm hoping that I can keep my spirits up and keep writing no matter what happens in 'Maelstrom'. I am determined to watch BSG at least until the end of the season. So, feedback would be extremely appreciated. Feedback is good for keeping up hopes! LOL

Here goes... **  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

The air in CIC was thick with tension. No one knew exactly what had happened during the meeting with the Cylon representatives, but it was clear that something had happened. After four hasty FTL jumps and the order to hold their posts until further notice, they couldn't believe it was anything good. When the Cylons were involved, it never was. 

The appearance of Lt. Sharon 'Athena' Agathon did little to calm their nerves. Athena was one of them now. They trusted her and many called her friend, but for that first split second she appeared they saw the face of their enemy. Had not an Eight been among the group of Cylon representatives? What if this was not Athena?

Athena recognized the fear on her fellow soldiers' faces. It stung, but she understood. How could she blame them when she knew at this very moment there was another Eight on Galactica? She wished, not for the first time, that it had been any model other than Eight. Boomer was about to seriously complicate Athena's life.

Then Athena felt ashamed for her thoughts. She'd stolen Boomer's life, her friends, her calling. Even Karl's affection had begun with Boomer. She owed the other Eight more than she wanted to admit.

Athena stopped a few steps inside the doorway and kept her hands down at her sides. She cleared her throat. "Captain Agathon, I need to speak with you."

Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon turned from his position watching the DRADIS console and finally noticed his wife. A smiled curved his lips. "Captain Agathon? Finally decided to respect my rank, have you?" He waved her forward before turning his eyes back to DRADIS.

And somehow that smile made it all okay. Athena smiled back with obvious affection. The crew of CIC began to relax and a few even threw Athena hesitant smiles of their own. She shook her head and walked forward to join her husband. "I suppose I need to get a tattoo or something."

Helo smirked. "I've heard that nothing says 'I love you' like tattooing a man's name across your ass."

Athena lifted one brow. "You want me flashing my ass every time the Cylons show up?"

"I could name several crew members you would make very happy," Lt. Felix Gaeta said dryly.

Athena heard a few discreet snickers and chuckles from around them. She threw Gaeta a thankful smile. But the reality of the situation quickly moved back to the front of her mind. "Gaeta, the Admiral is placing you in charge of CIC for the time being. He said he wants to be notified immediately if anything comes up."

Gaeta nodded. "Of course, but what about Captain Agathon?"

"Captain Agathon will be accompanying me to the Life Station," Athena looked to her husband as she spoke.

Now Helo was concerned. "The Life Station? What happened?"

Athena could feel the eyes of their fellow crewmembers upon her. She lowered her voice and shook her head. "Not here. I can't tell you here." She saw Lt. Anastasia Adama stepping forward to join them. She avoided the other woman's eyes. "We're to report directly to the Life Station."

Sensing his wife's barely concealed agitation, Helo felt a wave of panic run through his body. He reached out to grab Sharon's hand. "Is it Hera?"

Athena's eyes widened at his immediate assumption. She could have kicked herself. Of course, he would think first of Hera. She placed her palm on top of their joined hands. "Hera's fine. She's still with the childcare center. This is something…" her eyes flickered to Dee, "something different."

Dee gripped the console in front of her. Her face paled. "It is Lee?"

Athena gritted her teeth at her own weakness. She couldn't just keep her damn eyes to herself. Taking a deep breath, she forced a reassuring smile. "No, Dee, Apollo's fine." That was a lie.

Dee didn't look fully convinced. "Then what…"

"The Admiral has classified the information for now, Dee," Athena interrupted. "I can't tell you. He's still dealing with the situation. Things are complicated. The only reason I'm in the know is because I was present at the meeting with the representatives. Things are unfolding very rapidly. I'm sure he'll prepare a statement for the crew when he feels he has the situation under control."

Frustration filled Dee's expression. Her lips drew together in an angry line. "But I'm not just any crewmember. I'm the Admiral's daughter-in-law. I'm the CAG's wife. I have a right to know what's going on."

Still Athena held firm. "I can assure you that neither the Admiral nor your husband is in any physical danger. The rest is classified."

Dee's eyes darkened with suspicion. Her voice was hard and bordered on disrespectful. "If the situation is classified, why would the Admiral give an order for your husband to be escorted to the Life Station?"

Athena fought a smile. "That's classified." It wasn't that she didn't like Dee. Dee was likable enough. It was, in fact, very hard not to like Dee. The problem was that Athena liked Starbuck more. Starbuck had accepted Athena long before most of the crew. Starbuck had given Athena her friendship and Athena was determined to return the favor. Dee was not a part of Starbuck's makeshift family. As far as Athena was concerned, Dee did not have the right to receive information regarding Starbuck's return or condition just because she happened to be married to Apollo.

Dee opened her mouth to give an angry reply, but Karl stepped in. "Whoa!" He held up his hands in a bid for peace. "Sharon's just following orders, Dee. If she says she can't tell you, she can't tell you. I'm sure Apollo will be here as soon as he can. He can tell you everything you need to know."

Dee reluctantly backed down. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned her eyes back to the DRADIS console. Bitterness colored her voice as she spoke. "If you see my husband, Helo, remind him I exist."

"Hey," Karl reached out a hand and squeezed Dee's shoulder, "I'm sure he doesn't need the reminder. Things are just crazy right now and Lee's the CAG. Don't forget he has to keep all those over-grown teenagers we call pilots in line." His smile was reassuring. "I'll let him know you want to see him, Dee."

"Thank you," Dee said.

Athena watched as her husband tried to comfort Dee. The other woman's eyes were suspiciously bright and she kept them glued to the DRADIS screen. Karl continued to assure her that everything would be okay. Athena couldn't be quite so optimistic. She shook her head and sighed. "We really have to go, Karl."

"Okay," he patted Dee's shoulder one last time and moved to join her. They both made their way out of CIC.

Athena set a direct path for the Life Station. Her mind was already going over how she would break the news to him. The day's revelations were devastating. It was both the best and worst news they'd had in years.

Then Karl grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty side corridor. He pinned her with his 'lie-detector' stare. "You lied to Dee. What happened to Apollo?"

It still amazed her sometimes how well he could read her now. She was created, programmed, to lie with ease and skill. But Karl could see through her every time. An affectionate smile curved her lips. "You really do know me, don't you? You didn't doubt for one second it was me standing inside that hatch."

Karl reached up a hand to stroke her cheek. "You're my wife." Then he tilted his head to the side and smirked. "And you're also not dodging the question. What happened to Apollo? Is he okay?"

Now Athena grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the main corridor. She shook her head and resumed their path toward the Life Station. "Apollo is physically fine. I wasn't completely lying."

"Then what happened?"

"I'm not telling you here, Karl," Athena said. "It's…complicated. We need privacy and the Admiral wants the information confined to the Life Station for the time being. Besides, you probably need to be sitting down."

Karl pulled her to a stop. His eyes were bleak. "It's that bad?"

Athena met his eyes. She nodded slowly. "And it's that good."

Helo was confused, but he took a deep breath and put his trust in his wife. Whatever it was, they would face it together. He wound their fingers together and forced a smile. "Let's go."

----------

The break room was filled with rowdy restless pilots. They were climbing the walls waiting for something to do, someone to fight. Pilots weren't known for being patient individuals on their good days. This was not a good day. This endless waiting was torture.

Lt. Samuel 'Hero' Anders had broken up three fights in the last hour. Now he was sitting at a table in the corner with his wife Jean, his ECO Lt. James 'Redneck' Harrison, Capt. Brendan 'Hotdog' Constanza, and a few more pilots trying to focus on a game of triad.

When he looked up and noticed the CAG entering the room, a genuine smile curved his lips. He'd never been so happy to see Lee Adama. Maybe Apollo had some news. Sam called out a greeting and waved his superior officer over. He looked back down at his cards and smirked. He was fixing to clean poor Hotdog out.

"Hey Apollo," he heard Hotdog say.

Sam laid down his cards and leaned back in his chair. He threw the cocky viper pilot a satisfied smile. He spoke to Lee while he waited for Hotdog's reaction. "Why don't you pull up a chair, Apollo? Or you could take Hotdog's. I think this hand just about finished him off."

"Frakkin' hell!" Hotdog cussed and tossed his cards down on the table. "He's right. I'm out." He glared at Sam as he stood up from his chair. "I should've known better than to play with you."

Sam just continued to smile. "I learned from the best."

Sam saw Apollo jerk at his comment. His eyes snapped to Lee's face. He watched as the other man fought for control. Lee swallowed hard and spoke. "Sam, I need you to follow me to the Life Station."

"Why?" "What's going on?" "What's up, Apollo?"

Several pilots jumped in with questions at the same time. Sam waved them all off. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Lee's face. There was only one person who could put that look on Lee Adama's face.

"Can I come with him?" Jean asked quietly from his side.

Sam looked at his wife and saw understanding. She knew that whatever this was, it had to do with Kara. She understood and she accepted that he had to go.

"I don't know if that would be wise," Apollo said.

"I'll stay out of the way," Jean said. "I won't interrupt or cause any problems, but I can't just stay here. I need to be with Sam."

Lee looked to Sam. Sam nodded. "She comes with me."

"Okay," Apollo said, "let's go."

The trip to the Life Station was made in silence. Jean held Sam's hand tightly and he was grateful for the support. He needed her to keep him grounded. He could feel the old consuming grief rising up inside him. Without Jean, he knew it would swallow him whole.

Apollo entered the Life Station first and led them to the waiting room. When Sam stepped up beside him, he saw Helo and Athena were already there. Helo was seated with his head bowed. Athena was kneeling in front of him with her arms on his knees and their hands clasped together. She was talking quietly and Helo was shaking his head at whatever she was saying.

Their arrival must have made some noise because Helo looked up. His eyes were red. "Apollo, Sam…"

He didn't get any further because the screech of a curtain being pulled filled the air. Every head snapped in the direction of the sound.

Sam saw the back of Doc Cottle as he stepped backward through the curtain still speaking to someone on the other side. "Five years of Cylon influence or not, she's still the most stubborn bitch I've ever met." Cottle paused and Sam heard the low gravelly voice of the Admiral. He couldn't make out the Admiral's words, but he saw Doc Cottle shake his head in frustration. "Fine, Admiral, do whatever you want. You can remove the restraints. I'll have a medic ready to sew you up after Thrace decides to stop playing nice and attacks."

Sam froze. His eyes immediately sought out Lee for confirmation. Lee gave a jerky nod, "Kara's alive," and Sam felt his world fall apart. **  
**

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	10. Half Life Nine

Title: Half Life – 9/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 3/30/07  
Rating: M or R (for violence)  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Violence, some language?  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara. But don't hold your breath. Sam/Jean for now, Lee/Dee for now, Helo/Athena, hints of Adama/Roslin…  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2916  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: I know. I suck! I'm sorry for the long wait. My emotions were just on a rollercoaster ride after Maelstrom. I pretty much stayed hopeful, but writing was impossible. I tried not to even think about BSG that much for those three weeks.

But…SHE'S BACK! All is right with the world. My muse didn't just wake up. It's on speed! I have a billion ideas for my story now. The story is officially WAY AU, but I could care less. I might work some of the revelations from the finale into the story or I might not.

As for this chapter: I finally finished the first section of the story. This chapter wraps up the "Kara's alive!" section of the story. The next chapter might cover some bits and pieces of the next few months (in the story), but we're skipping a bit ahead so Kara can get started on her recovery. Not that her recovery will be easy or quick, but I want to get her to a place where I can write from her point-of-view more. She'll still be really frakked up, but her thoughts will make more sense.

I hope I haven't lost all my readers. I do apologize sincerely for the wait, but Maelstrom ripped my heart out.

PLEASE let me know if you're still reading and if you enjoy the chapter. I love feedback and I love to answer questions. I hope to hear from some of you soon!

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

By the time Colonel Saul Tigh finally returned with the initial intel from his debrief of the two new cylon prisoners the group waiting in the Life Station were growing increasingly agitated. Two hours earlier Laura Roslin had returned with the best psychiatrist her aide Tory could locate. The psychiatrist in question, a beautiful dark skinned woman named Laney West who bore a surprising resemblance to Major Adama's wife Dee, was still evaluating Captain Thrace. 

As Colonel Tigh entered the waiting room, he saw Lt. Samuel Anders jump to his feet and glare into the Admiral's face. "I'm not waiting any longer, Admiral. I want to see my wife."

Tigh snorted. "Which one?" The expressions turned in his direction ranged from enraged to relieved. The XO ignored them all save the Admiral. He stepped up to face his commanding officer. "I started the debriefs. We've just scratched the surface, Bill, but I do have some interesting information."

The Admiral nodded, his expression carefully neutral. "Report."

Tigh sighed. "Well, if the toasters can be believed they didn't do anything mentally to Thrace. They claim Thrace was in an altered mental state from the moment they pulled her out of that viper. The Sevens believed she had communed with god and faced her destiny. They compared it to the mental state of a model of Cylon they call a hybrid. The hybrids are apparently half-humanoid/half-mechanical. They fly the basestars."

Admiral Adama turned to look at Athena. "Do you know anything about the hybrids?"

"Not that much is known," Athena said. "The Colonel's information is accurate. They are half-humanoid/half-mechanical and they do fly the basestars. They control FTL. They control the raiders. They control the centurions. They are not believed to be lucid. Most of the models believe the hybrids are insane, but the Sevens believe the hybrids exist on a higher plane. They believe the hybrids communicate directly with god."

Sam Anders shook his head. "Kara's not one of those hybrids and she wasn't insane! They're just trying to cover their asses."

Admiral Adama frowned. "Starbuck's viper received serious damage in the fight. We have no way of knowing what kind of head injury she might have received. If she was losing oxygen…"

"I ordered a CT head on Thrace, Bill," Doc Cottle interrupted. "It came up clean. If Thrace received any brain damage from that crash it isn't showing up now and the brain doesn't just fix itself."

The Admiral didn't know what to say to that. He hoped Dr. West could provide more answers. For the time being he looked back to his XO. "What else, Saul?"

A bitter smile curved Colonel Tigh's lips. "The toaster we knew as Boomer claims most adamantly that Thrace also received the broken clavicle and ribs during the fight. She has no explanation for the broken femurs."

Sam Anders' face turned a dark shade of red. "They broke her legs?"

Doc Cottle sent the angry husband an annoyed look. "You need to be more concerned with whether or not they broke her mind, son."

Anders opened his mouth to berate the doctor, but a cool hand landed on his elbow. He turned to see his second wife looking up at him concerned. "This isn't helping anyone, Sam. You're not helping Kara by raging at the other people who love her. Come on. Sit down." Jean laced her fingers through his and pulled him back to sit beside her against the wall.

Still Sam turned his head and glared at Lee Adama. "Why aren't you more upset? Did you know this?"

Major Adama refused to look at the other man. He stared at the floor. "She walked out of the heavy raider. Her legs were fine."

"But did you know they'd broken her legs?" Sam pushed.

Lee's head snapped up and his eyes locked with Sam's. "Yes, I knew that they'd broken her legs, Sam." His eyes burned with frustrated fury. Right now there was nothing he could do to help Kara and it was eating him alive. "I knew they'd broken her legs and I believed they'd broken her ribs and shoulder too." His eyes flashed to his father. His voice grew in volume and shook with emotion. "I STILL believe they broke her ribs and shoulder. I don't believe a frakkin' word out of those to frakkin' skinjobs' mouths. They are Cylon. They are programmed to lie, to destroy, and to cause pain. I want nothing more than to shove both of them out of the closest airlock." He jerked back to look at Sam. "Is that upset enough for you, Anders?"

"Yes," Sam told him, but there was no apology in the raptor pilot's voice. Kara deserved their anger on her behalf. She deserved for them to be outraged at what had been done to her. They were the two men who would do anything for that woman and if Lee Adama hadn't been mad enough to kill those frakkin' toasters for what they'd done then Sam would've kicked his ass. Lee understood that.

Their eyes held for a long moment of shared pain, then Apollo locked it all away and looked back down at the floor. This wasn't the time. He couldn't fall apart yet.

"What's taking so frakking long?" Captain Karl Agathon asked. He ran his hands through his hair. "That shrink's been in there almost two hours. What the frak is she doing in there?" He turned to look at Sam. "You know she hated shrinks, right? I tried to convince her to go see one. She said they're usually more frakked than their patients."

"I can assure you that Dr. West comes highly recommended, Captain Agathon," President Roslin spoke up.

Helo shook his head. "I'm not questioning your judgment, Madam President. I'm not even questioning Dr. West's ability, but Kara hates shrinks. If she's in bad shape then putting her in a room with one might just make things worse."

The Admiral met the raptor pilot's eyes. "Things can't get much worse, Helo. We need a professional evaluation of Kara's condition. We need to know what we're dealing with."

Helo's shoulders slumped. "Yes, sir." He didn't want to think about how bad Kara's condition might be. He almost didn't want to know. He wanted to believe he could walk through that curtain and see his best friend smirking at him from her bed and whining about how Cottle wouldn't give her any of the good stuff. He wanted to believe she was still Kara.

Helo felt Athena lean against his side. She laced her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder. She ran her hand up and down his forearm trying to comfort him. Helo took a deep breath and thanked the gods for what he did have. Then he thanked them for sending Kara back to them. He prayed they would be with her and take care of her. He made them a promise that he would stand beside Kara no matter what and he would never give up on her. It didn't matter what that shrink had to say. It didn't matter what anyone had to say. She was Kara, she was Starbuck, she was his best friend and he wouldn't let anyone take her away from him.

The group fell into an awkward silence that was only broken by the sound of the curtain being pulled back again. Dr. West finally walked out to meet them. She addressed her comments to the Admiral and the President. "First I have to say that Kara Thrace is one severely traumatized woman. At first glance she appears to be completely unaware of her surroundings and untouched by reality. She does not speak, not once did she give any indication that she noticed my presence or heard my voice, and she shows many signs of catatonia. Most doctors would write Kara Thrace off as a hopeless case and advise you to have her immediately institutionalized."

The group tensed at this cold verdict. Lee, Sam, Helo, and Athena pushed to their feet. Even Colonel Tigh sneered at the woman. The Admiral's eyes turned hard. "Kara Thrace is not a hopeless case. She spoke to me. She heard me and she understood me. Thank you for your opinion, Dr. West, but you can leave anytime." He turned to look at President Roslin. "Call Tory and find out who's number two on that list."

Dr. West held her hands up in front of her. "Please, Admiral, let me finish. I am not most doctors."

The Admiral reluctantly slid his eyes back to the offending woman. He clenched his jaw and considered her for a moment. Finally he gave a short nod. "Continue."

Dr. West took a deep breath and started to explain herself. "In a normal situation most doctors would write Kara Thrace off as a hopeless case. Some might even do so now. But we are not in a normal situation here, Admiral. Our lives are not normal. Normal doesn't exist anymore. There are less than forty thousand humans left in this Fleet. There may be less than forty thousand humans left in existence. We can't afford to write anyone off anymore. I will not write Kara Thrace off. She has suffered horribly and I believe she is still suffering. I will do everything in my power to help her. I give you my word."

"Why the dramatics then, Dr. West?" Colonel Tigh asked. "Why didn't you just say you were going to help her?"

Her eyes remained on the Admiral. They were filled with sympathy. "Because I'm not a miracle worker, Colonel, and I can't promise you results that you'll be satisfied with. I cannot wave my hand and bring the Kara Thrace you knew back to you. I can only work with what she is now."

The Admiral understood that she was trying to prepare him for the worst. "We can accept that, Dr. West. Just tell us where we go from here."

The tension faded from Dr. West's shoulders. "Very well. I'll give you what I have so far." She tilted her head to the side. "Keep in mind that I'm telling you what I believe and not what I can prove. I have already given you the facts of my evaluation. The rest is conjecture, sixth sense, and a large dose of gut feeling."

The Admiral's lips tilted up slightly at the sides. "I have a healthy respect for a good gut feeling, Dr. West."

She nodded. "You'll need it." Then she laid it all out for them. "I told you that at first glance I believed Captain Thrace to be completely unaware. What I left out is that I quickly altered that opinion. If anything, I believe Captain Thrace is hyper-aware. I believe that woman knows everything that is going on around her. She gave no proof to this theory, but I felt as though her eyes followed my every move."

"Sergeant Richards said something very similar," President Roslin noted.

Dr. West smiled ruefully. "It's a very unsettling sensation, Madam President, but it could be a cause for hope. If, as I believe, Captain Thrace is actually aware and simply masking that awareness then she might have developed this pretense as a protective measure against her captures. If my theory is correct and we can somehow gain Captain Thrace's trust, if we can make her feel safe, she might drop the pretense and allow us to reach her."

President Roslin looked at the Admiral. "That would make sense, Bill. You somehow reached her on the heavy raider. She felt safe with you, she trusted you, so she dropped the pretense and allowed you to see the real woman underneath."

"If that's true, Admiral," Dr. West said, "then you could be instrumental in Captain Thrace's recovery. With your permission, I would like to test this bond. I need to see if Captain Thrace will continue to respond to you."

Admiral Adama nodded. "Whatever you need, Dr. West. I'll do whatever it takes to help Kara."

"Thank you," she said. "I'll begin working with Captain Thrace tomorrow. We'll set up a time for you to join us."

Dr. West paused and looked around the group of serious faces. Somehow Laney didn't believe they would take the next part as well. "Now for some practical matters. As I said, I will begin working with Captain Thrace first thing tomorrow. Her treatment is going to require some special considerations that you might not like or agree with. Are you prepared to meet those requirements?"

The Admiral's eyes narrowed. "Just give it to us straight, Doctor. What do you want?"

Laney straightened her spine. She put on her best doctor face. "Captain Thrace will need space and privacy to focus on her treatment. She will need quarters located away from most of the ship's personnel. She will be spending a good portion of every day with me and she will not need large groups of visitors tramping in and out of her quarters all day long. Too many people might threaten her sense of safety. It could make her treatment more difficult or cause backsliding."

Sam Anders was the first to speak. "Are you saying we can't visit her?"

Laney took a deep breath. Nope, they weren't going to like this part. "I'm saying that you may only visit her one at a time, once a day. You will not push her to speak. You will not push her to acknowledge you or remember you. You will not touch her unless she initiates the contact. You will not tell her things she does not need to hear and you will leave at the first sign that your presence causes her any agitation or distress." She paused. "After a few months of treatment, I will make an assessment of Kara's progress and I'll reassess these conditions." She glared into Sam Anders' eyes. "Am I understood?"

He glared back at her. "She's my wife."

Laney gave a pointed look to the redhead currently standing at Anders' side. Then she met Sam's eyes again and lifted an unimpressed brow. "She's my patient. Her mental health is my only priority."

Her gaze snapped back to the Admiral. Anger and suspicion were clearly written across his face. Laney crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you want Kara Thrace mentally healthy or not?"

"We'll do it," Major Adama spoke up instead. His eyes pleaded with his father for support. "As the Admiral said, we'll do whatever it takes to help Kara. You help her and we'll follow your rules."

The Admiral finally nodded. "We'll follow your rules for now, Dr. West, but we won't follow them blindly. You will be watched and if you harm Kara in any way then I'll make your life a living hell."

Laney reached up to rub her throbbing temples. "I have no doubt, Admiral. You've made yourself very clear." What had she gotten herself into? A severely traumatized, possibly catatonic, POW with an aggressive overprotective makeshift military family? If she couldn't help this woman then the wrath of both the Admiral of the Fleet and the President of the Twelve Colonies would come crashing down on her head. She never should've gotten out of bed this morning.

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	11. Half Life Ten

Title: Half Life - 10/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 4/2/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2737  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost  
daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: I got this chapter written quick. I told you my muse is on speed. This chapter actually jumps a few months into the future and it has a different feel to it than the beginning of the fic. I hope you still enjoy it. Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think.

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

Admiral William Adama watched his surrogate daughter exercise on the screen before him. She was doing push-ups. She would move on to sit-ups next then squats. Kara did this routine of exercises every day. The Admiral didn't know if she understood the purpose of the exercises or if they had long ago become habit. Even after three months of daily therapy, he couldn't help feeling they knew very little about what went on inside Kara's mind. 

Tearing his eyes away from the screen, the Admiral looked at Kara's doctor. "You requested to see me?"

Dr. Laney West nodded. "If you remember, Admiral, I told you when I took up Kara's case that I would be making an assessment of her progress after a few months of treatment. I'm prepared to make that assessment now."

The Admiral's eyes were bleak. He turned back to the screen. "Are you giving up on her?"

A sympathetic smile curved Laney's lips. The fathers always took slow progress the hardest. "On the contrary, Admiral, I'm very pleased with Kara's progress thus far. I believe we've successfully completed the first phase of her treatment and we're ready to move on to the next."

The Admiral couldn't hide his surprise. "She's barely functioning, Dr. West. She rarely speaks. Half the time she's not even aware of her surroundings."

Laney reached up a hand and pushed her hair behind her ear. "I disagree. It's true enough that Kara rarely feels the desire to speak, but I fully believe she is aware of her surroundings at all times."

The Admiral's eyes narrowed. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Explain."

Laney bit her lip as she considered how to proceed. "You have to remember, Admiral, that Kara spent five years in a very hostile situation. She built up numerous walls and defense mechanisms to survive that situation. Many of the signs you believe to show lack of progress are, in fact, those walls and mechanisms. She's trying to protect herself. She's doing what she must to survive."

The Admiral's eyebrows drew together as he considered her words. "Her lack of speech?"

Laney nodded. "Kara trained herself not to speak. If she spoke, then she might say something she shouldn't or give them something they wanted. Kara began to view speaking as a sign of weakness and she trained herself to remove all weakness. She only speaks when she deems it absolutely necessary or when she cannot convey her message in some other way."

"She speaks to me," the Admiral noted. It was true. Kara usually spoke to him at least once every time he visited her.

"That's a sign of Kara's growing trust, Admiral," Laney explained. "She trusts you and therefore she makes the effort to lower that wall. I believe she can sense that her speaking pleases you. You have become very important to Kara whether she realizes it or not."

The Admiral's chest felt tight with emotion. He turned away to hide the burning in his eyes. He'd been important to Kara once. He would give anything to get that back.

After giving the Admiral a moment to collect himself, Laney continued. "Kara also spoke to Lieutenant Anders, I believe."

The Admiral gave a sad laugh. "If you can call it that. The poor man visited Kara every day for weeks and she stared through him like he wasn't even there. Sam finally snapped and yelled at her. Kara looked up and told him 'death parted us' then she looked back down and she hasn't acknowledged him since."

Laney shrugged. "I know that sounds harsh and discouraging, but Lieutenant Anders was warned not to push Kara. He's a very emotional man and he has a hard time controlling himself while he's visiting her. He can't seem to help himself. He asks her to remember him. He tells her she's his wife. I warned him repeatedly prior to the incident in question. I actually threatened to suspend his visiting rights, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Kara will never drop her walls if she feels pushed or threatened."

Something clicked into place in the Admiral's mind. His voice was gruff with emotion. "You believe her periods of unawareness are another wall?"

Laney smiled. He was finally beginning to understand. "Yes, I do. She clearly trusts you more than anyone else at this point, Admiral. She doesn't feel she must maintain her walls when you are present. When was the last time that Kara had one of her 'periods of unawareness' when you were present?"

The Admiral blinked slowly. She didn't. Kara didn't have lost moments when he was visiting her. She always met his eyes. She followed his orders. She spoke to him. "She's still trying to protect herself," he realized. "She feigns unawareness so that she doesn't have to deal with the situation." For the first time since this meeting began, the Admiral felt hope. "Kara played the Cylons. She's lucid."

Laney held up a hand in warning. "She is still one very traumatized woman, Admiral. There are layers to her trauma; depths that I haven't even begun to reach." She lowered her hand and frowned thoughtfully. "When I work with Kara, I keep getting a feeling that there is some deeper problem at work here. Some deeper problem we haven't even been able to see because of the massive trauma masking it. Now that we're slowly unwrapping the trauma and dealing with it, we might finally be able to see that deeper problem." She paused and locked her eyes with the Admiral's. "Kara's recovery has only just begun."

The Admiral accepted her words. He nodded. "But we're making progress."

Laney smiled softly and returned his nod. "But we're making progress."

And that was enough for now. The Admiral turned his attention back to the screen showing feed from Kara's quarters. He looked his daughter over with new eyes. She was just finishing up her workout. The sight didn't depress him as it had before. It didn't have to be a sign of how lost Kara was. Maybe Kara just wanted to stay in shape.

As the Admiral watched the screen he saw the hatch open and his son walk in. Kara continued the end of her workout apparently unaware or unconcerned by Lee's presence. That brought another question to the Admiral's mind. "Why doesn't she respond to Lee? They were very close before Kara was taken and Lee hasn't reacted like Sam. He sticks to the basics, only talks about daily ins and outs. He's followed your rules to the letter, but she has yet to acknowledge him."

Laney's smile was rueful as she watched Major Adama take a seat and begin talking to Kara. "Your son visits with his heart in his eyes, Admiral. He's pushing without even realizing he's doing it."

The Admiral looked at her surprised. "What do you mean? I thought Kara needed family now. I love Kara. She's my daughter. She doesn't hold that against me. She still responds to me. Why would she reject the same from Lee?"

Now Laney was surprised. "Are you telling me you don't see it?" At his confused expression, Laney shook her head in disbelief. Sometimes the closest to the situation were the last to know. "Your son doesn't just love Kara as family, Admiral. Your son is in love with Kara." The Admiral looked stunned, but Laney continued. "Kara does need and can accept familial love at this point. She needs to feel safe and cared for. But she's not ready to deal with romantic love. She can't handle it and she's not really capable of returning it. That is why Kara has yet to acknowledge your son. Major Adama is very bad at hiding his love for Kara. It's right there in his eyes for anyone to see."

The Admiral frowned. She couldn't be right. "Lee's married, Dr. West, so is Kara."

"Oh, I'm very aware of Major Adama's marital status," Laney smirked. "His wife has seen fit to remind me many times. She has concerns regarding her husband's dedication to visiting Kara. She wanted my assurance that these visits wouldn't interfere with Kara's progress."

"How could they?"

Laney tried to think of a tactful way to explain her suspicions. She couldn't find one. She finally shrugged. "I believe Lieutenant Adama was subtly trying to pressure me to suspend her husband's visiting rights. She resents the amount of time your son spends with Kara." Laney paused and looked back at the screen. Kara was now seated opposite Major Adama and staring directly over his shoulder. Laney's smirk grew. Major Adama certainly had her attention with whatever he was saying. "I'm afraid I could not comply. My patient's well being is my first priority. I believe your son's visits do Kara good."

The Admiral stared at his son. Kara and Lee had always been very close. They'd squabbled like siblings over the years…or like lovesick fools? Could he have misread their affection for each other? And if he had, could he handle a possible relationship between the two of them? They were his children. He loved them both. He wanted them to be happy. But they were both married to other people!

The Admiral pushed those thoughts aside. This wasn't the time to revaluate Kara and Lee's relationship. He could deal with these revelations later in private. But on one thing he was very clear. He met Dr. West's eyes. "I don't care how much Lieutenant Adama objects to her husband's visits. As long as Lee obeys your rules and you see no signs that his presence upsets Kara, you will not suspend his visitation rights."

He went on to explain. "I am not encouraging any type of romantic relationship between my son and Kara, but I will also not have them kept apart. No matter what else lies between them, Lee and Kara are family. They will always be family. I will not allow you, Dee, or anyone else to interfere with that."

Now Laney was full-out grinning. "I can handle your daughter-in-law, Admiral. She doesn't scare me." She leaned toward the Admiral and lowered her voice as if she wanted to tell him a secret. "I'm bigger than her."

The Admiral sent Dr. West a rueful expression. She knew exactly what he was thinking. Laney rolled her eyes. "And I don't care what anyone says, I don't see the resemblance."

A husky laugh rumbled from the Admiral's chest. He shook his head and returned his eyes to the screen. The Admiral had never actually watched one of Lee's visits before. Lee was still talking but Kara was making a dramatic display of staring at the ceiling. The Admiral thought he could make out a smirk on his son's lips.

Kara was responding to Lee in her own way, the Admiral realized. He'd watched several of Sam Anders' visits with his wife over the course of the last three months and she'd never shown so much as a hint she recognized the man's presence in the room. With Lee it was obvious that Kara was making a show of not looking at him. Lee had to recognize the difference. The Admiral wondered why his son had never mentioned this to him. He and Lee needed to have a talk.

"Other than to you, Admiral, Kara seems to respond best to Captain Agathon at this point," Laney said.

"Yes, I've spoken with Helo," the Admiral said. "Kara meets his eyes now."

Laney nodded. "She holds eye contact for most of their visits. I believe Kara feels that Captain Agathon is the only one who isn't pushing her for something. He ignores her silence and reads her expressions and gestures. Captain Agathon accepts what Kara is willing to give him and that's paid off."

The Admiral watched as Kara rolled her eyes and blew out a big breath. Lee reached up a hand to rub his mouth and the Admiral knew he was covering a smile. The Admiral's lips curved up in a smile of their own. "I wouldn't be surprised if Lee wins her over soon as well."

"He's certainly dedicated," Laney agreed.

The mention of Helo reminded the Admiral of a dilemma. "I need your opinion on something, Dr. West." He turned to make sure he had her attention.

Laney lifted a questioning brow.

"Captain Agathon's wife, Athena, was friends with Kara before she was taken," the Admiral started. "She feels a strong loyalty to Kara because Kara accepted her when many others wouldn't. Athena has requested several times to be added to Kara's visitor list. The problem is that Athena is a cylon. I don't want to cause Kara any distress and I definitely don't want her to attack Athena, but Athena is one of Kara's friends." He paused. "In your opinion, will Kara be able to separate Athena from the rest of her Cylon counterparts?"

Laney considered the question. She cocked her head to the side and bit her lip. Then she shrugged. "I honestly don't know, Admiral. We won't know until we try."

The Admiral's eyebrows shot up. "You suggest we try?"

"I don't see why not," Laney answered. "There is a degree of risk involved where Lieutenant Agathon is concerned, but we can do our best to minimize that risk. I would suggest possibly having Captain Agathon accompany his wife during the first visit. Perhaps seeing Captain Agathon with Lieutenant Agathon will help Kara to separate Lieutenant Agathon from the rest of her model. And Captain Agathon will be on hand to play peacekeeper should the need arise."

The Admiral nodded. That made sense. "I'll speak with Helo and Athena about the possibility of a joint visit and get back to you."

"Of course," Laney said.

"Was there anything else we needed to discuss, Dr. West?" the Admiral questioned. He was due for a shift in CIC pretty soon.

Laney started to say no, but then caught herself. "Oh…the next phase of Kara's treatment," she remembered.

"Of course," the Admiral said. "What will this next phase entail?"

Laney walked over to a nearby desk where she'd left her briefcase. She picked up the case, opened it, and pulled out a stack of papers. Returning to the Admiral, Laney handed him the papers and pointed to the top one. "This is a modified list of rules and an outline of the next phase of Kara's treatment. I made several copies so that one can be passed along to each of her regular visitors and anyone you believe might need it."

The Admiral skimmed the top paper. He couldn't hide his surprise. "Up to three visitors allowed at any time as long as the patient shows no signs of distress? Multiple visitations a day allowed within reason and as long as they do not interfere with her therapy sessions? A goal of convincing the patient to leave her quarters and to explore the unrestricted sections of the ship while accompanied by a visitor?" The Admiral took a deep breath and blew it out. "You don't procrastinate do you, doctor? Are you sure Kara's ready for this?"

Laney smiled but her eyes were filled with determination. "We're going to find out, Admiral. It's time to start building Kara's life back."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	12. Half Life Eleven

Title: Half Life - 11/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 4/6/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2274  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Note: Okay, this is definitely a lighter chapter. I hope you enjoy it because there are still plenty of dark times ahead. I would, as always, love to know what you think. Feedback makes my world go round. Please feel free to ask me questions or let me know if something doesn't make sense.

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon scanned the busy hanger deck with his eyes. He frowned when he couldn't find his goal and glanced down at his watch to check the time. Thankfully when he looked up Helo spotted Chief Petty Officer Galen Tyrol rounding a nearby viper. He lifted a hand in greeting. "Hey Chief! Has Sharon landed yet?" 

"Yes, sir," Chief nodded as he continued inspecting the viper, "she and Thor were the last ones in."

Crewman Specialist Cally Tyrol, the Chief's wife, rolled her eyes from a few feet away from her husband. She took pity on Helo. "She's still in her bird, sir. She's going over the last of the checklist with Thor."

Helo tossed her a charming smile. "Thanks, Cally, you're a pal. Sharon and I have an appointment and we can't be late."

Cally just rolled her eyes again. There was a time when hearing Helo call her pal would've been equivalent to driving a blunt screwdriver straight through Cally's heart. She'd had the biggest crush on him. Thankfully that time had passed. "That's what pals are for, sir. We help our pals locate the women they love."

Helo was distracted and the sarcasm went straight over his head. Chief, however, stopped his inspection and briefly turned to grin at his wife. Then he looked at Helo. "Are you and Athena going to visit the Captain?"

Helo nodded. "Yep. It's Sharon's first visit. Dr. West is supposed to observe from her office."

Cally's expression was rueful. "Is Dr. West sure that's a good idea?" She wanted to ask if there would be lots of marines nearby to save Helo and his Cylon wife when Starbuck tried to kill them.

"There's a certain risk involved," the group turned in the direction of the new voice as Lieutenant Sharon 'Athena' Agathon walked up to join them, "but I'm willing to take that risk." She leaned up to kiss her husband on the cheek as Helo wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in against his side. "Kara's my friend. She's one of my few true friends. I won't give that up." There was a challenge in her eyes as they rested on Cally.

Cally ignored the challenge and the woman. They may have worked together for years now but there was still bad blood between the cylon and the crew spec. There probably always would be. Instead, Cally focused her eyes back on Helo. "Send the Captain our love."

Helo nodded. "Will do." A smile curled his lips. "I'm sending so much love on my visits these days, I need to start making a list."

Athena smiled and rubbed her hand up and down her husband's back. "We need to hurry if I'm going to have time to change out of my flight suit before the visit."

"Sounds good," Helo said. He waved goodbye to Cally and Chief and turned toward the exit pulling Sharon along with him. "We might even have time to check in on Hera on the way there."

"Oh," Athena matched his pace, "that reminds me. Hera made Kara a picture in the childcare center yesterday. It's in our quarters. Don't let me forget it."

Helo paused. His eyebrows lifted in surprise as he looked at his wife. "She made Kara a picture? Hera's never met Kara, Sharon."

Athena grinned at him affectionately. "Hera grew up hearing amazing stories of the great Starbuck, Karl. Not to mention your daily visits with Kara since she's been back and how much we discuss those visits in front of our daughter. Hera can't wait to meet her Aunt Buck."

Helo's eyes were shadowed. "That might be quite a wait, Sharon. Kara's still in pretty bad shape."

Athena gave him a one-armed hug. She kissed the shoulder resting beside her cheek. "We've got time. Even Dr. West says Kara's making progress. We'll take our time and we'll find a way to get through to her. Failure is not an option."

Helo pulled his wife around to face him. He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead and hugged her close. "Thanks, baby, I needed that."

Athena nodded against his chest. "She's important to me too, Karl. This isn't some triad game that you fold because you got dealt a bad hand. We're not going to give up on her."

"Not a chance," Helo agreed, his voice rough with emotion. But then his eyes lit up and a smile curled his lips as something occurred to him. "You know what, baby? You just gave me a great idea. Let's go." He pulled Athena off down the hall.

- - - - - - - - - -

Apollo was sitting at the table in Kara's quarters and talking through the flight schedule with her as he filled it out when Helo's knock sounded from the hatch. Kara wanted to weep with relief. She didn't even know who most of the pilots were. Didn't he have an office?

Lee grinned at the expression on Kara's face. He'd break her sooner or later. She still stubbornly refused to meet his eyes, but she'd resorted to banging her fist against her head about twenty minutes ago. If she wanted to change the subject all she had to do was ask. Hell, he'd settle for having her eyes. But if she wanted to sit there and pretend she didn't know he was here then Lee didn't see any reason he couldn't fill out all his paperwork in here.

Kara jumped up eagerly from her bunk as the knock sounded again. Lee stifled a laugh as he moved to open the hatch. His smile only dimmed slightly when he found Helo and Athena on the other side. His gaze skimmed Athena. He hoped this visit wasn't a very bad idea. He nodded all the same. "Helo, Athena, I was just leaving." Lee's grin returned as he heard a loud huff of relief from behind him.

Helo smirked as Lee moved back and he noticed the pile of paperwork sitting on Kara's table. "Getting a little work done, Apollo?"

Lee turned to smile at Kara. She was glaring an inch or two over his shoulder. "Well, I do enjoy a little peace and quiet every once and a while. I'm always getting interrupted in my office. Kara's such a peaceful and accepting soul these days that I know I don't disturb her with my work."

Helo chuckled and shook his head. "Sure she is."

Lee moved to collect his paperwork from the table and Kara glared holes through the back of his head. Helo chuckled again. Lee spun around but Kara's eyes were now locked on her raptor pilot best friend. Lee's eyes narrowed. "I'll go and let you have your visit, Kara, but I'll be back tonight with dinner. Okay?"

Kara's gaze remained locked on Helo. She cocked her head to the side as if to ask the raptor pilot if he had spoken. Helo rolled his eyes.

An affectionate smile curved Lee's lips. "Yeah, I love you too, you stubborn pain in the ass. I'll see you later." He ignored Athena's gasp of surprise at his words and headed for the door.

Lee pulled the hatch closed behind him and Kara's eyes focused for the first time on Athena. She did not look pleased.

Helo cleared his throat and stepped between the two women. "Don't you even start, Buck. This is Athena. You know Athena. She isn't like the others. She's your friend and she's my wife. I love her and I expect my best friend to respect that."

Kara's posture relaxed slightly, but she crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her lip out in a pout. Unfortunately, Helo was right. She knew better than anyone that Athena was no typical model eight. Athena was the lost eight. She was wife, mother, officer, friend. But Kara didn't want to deal with that. She didn't want to deal with separating the good cylons from the bad cylons. Why were they pushing her?

"I brought you a present," Helo said by way of distraction. He lifted his hand and held it out to her. He was holding a sheet of paper.

Kara took the paper with a frown. She studied the childish drawing. She could feel the laughter and the love that went into its creation. Her eyes were confused as they returned to Helo.

He smiled proudly. "Hera drew it for you yesterday. She made Athena promise to give it to you. See? She's got your name across the top," he stepped forward and pointed to the childish scrawl that carefully spelled 'Buck' across the top of the paper. Then he pointed to the first semi-stick figure. "That's me," the next semi-stick figure, "that's Hera, " the last semi-stick figure, "that's Sharon," and the large rectangle shaped object, "and that's a raptor." He leaned in as if telling her a secret. "Because raptors are better."

Kara eyed him doubtfully and Helo laughed. "Okay, maybe she didn't say that last part, but CLEARLY she was thinking it."

Kara snorted and Athena chuckled from behind Helo. Helo took that as a good sign. He stepped out from between the two women, but kept a close eye on Kara.

Kara stared first at Helo, then Athena. She held the cylon's gaze silently for a long paused moment. Finally she nodded. Turning her back on both of her visitors, Kara walked over to her locker. She lifted the latch and pulled it open. Raising the picture in her hand, Kara carefully wedged the edges of the picture into the sides of the locker door until it stuck. She smiled as she smoothed the paper. Closing the locker door, Kara turned back to face the raptor pilots. Her brows lifted in an expression that clearly said 'what now?'.

Helo smirked. He motioned both Kara and Athena over to the table Lee had vacated earlier. Athena turned first and calmly walked over to take a seat. Helo held his breath and watched his best friend. He was by no means certain that Kara would play along.

After another long pause, Kara heaved an exasperated sigh and moved to take one of the three open chairs. She threw Helo a sarcastic smile.

Grinning, Helo moved to join them. He spun the chair closest to his wife around backward and took a seat. Reaching into his pocket, Helo pulled out a shiny sucker and popped it into his mouth. It was one of the last of his secret stash, but this was a special occasion. Helo propped his arms on the table and locked his eyes with Kara's. "Well, Buck, since you've been such a very good girl today, I decided to bring you another present."

Kara smirked, held up her pointer finger, and twirled it in a circle.

Athena laughed out loud at the sight. Kara turned to stare at the cylon, but Athena just smiled back widely. She didn't care if she looked like an idiot. This woman was still Kara Thrace. She was still Starbuck. Athena's heart felt lighter than it had in months.

Helo cleared his throat loudly to win back both their attention. He threw them each a chastising look. "As I was saying," he focused back on Kara and spoke slowly putting emphasis on each word, "I brought you…another…present."

Kara slowly cocked her head to the side and smirked. She once again held up her finger and gave it an exaggerated twirl.

Athena bit her lip to fight another laugh and Helo mock-glared at Kara. "I don't think you deserve it anymore, but…I'm going to be magnanimous." He reached up with his right hand and once again dug into his pocket. This time he pulled out a well-worn box of cards. A wide smile curved his lips as Kara's eyes lit up with a familiar hungry light. Jackpot. "That's right, Buck, Athena and I are going to play you in a friendly round of triad."

Athena looked from Kara's scarily eager expression to Karl's kilometer-wide smile and back again. She frowned and warned them both. "We are not betting." Less than a month before Athena had overheard Karl telling Hera a bedtime story about the time that Kara won every pair of his shoes. The stupid man had actually flown a whole CAP in his socks.

Kara stuck her lip out in a pout. Athena was unmoved. She lifted one stern brow. "You're not the one who has to live with his feet."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	13. Half Life Twelve

Title: Half Life - 12/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred   
Date: 4/14/2007   
Rating: M or R for violence   
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.   
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence   
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!   
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.   
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…3683   
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.   
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Sorry for the wait on the chapter. Not only was this week the week from hell (school wise), but when I finally got the chapter finished yesterday afternoon the site wouldn't allow me to upload it. Thankfully someone dropped me a note with a clue for how to get around the problem. Thanks again for that! I'm going to try to get the next chapter up sometime this weekend to make up for the long wait on this one.

As for this chapter? This chapter is something pretty different for me. This is a Dee chapter. I've never really written a Dee-centric chapter before and I REALLY want your opinion of it. I'm not crazy about Dee's character (as you might have noticed), but I did want to try to maybe understand why she does some of the things she does. I might even end up redeeming Dee by the end of this story.

When I started this chapter I intended for it to just cover a fight between Dee and Lee and then to move on to Lee's dinner with Kara. It didn't quite work out as planned. I got a lot more into Dee's head than I intended to. Still, I think it ended up pretty interesting. As I said, I'd LOVE your opinions. Did I do Dee justice? Am I an evil cruel witch for bashing poor sweet innocent Dee? What ya think?

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Life had been tough for everyone in the Colonial Fleet since the Cylon attacks. They'd lost their worlds, their homes, and most of their families. The people of the Colonial Fleet had fought time and again to hold on to hope for the future. They'd built new lives to the best of their abilities. They had been forced to learn to adapt and accept the things they could not change. Life must go on. Humanity must go on. 

Lieutenant Anastasia Adama believed she understood all of these truths as well as anyone. She had adapted and changed along with her fleet. She was determined to survive and survive well. This was how she had come to be in her current situation.

Shortly after the Cylon attacks, Dee had recognized Lee Adama as a strong, attractive, capable man. He was a hero, a leader, and most of all he was the son of the man Dee admired more than anyone alive. This information hadn't meant a great deal to Dee at the time. Lee held the precarious station of viper pilot and pilots were known for having a short expiration date. She thought it something of a pity for such a great man to go to waste, but there was nothing she could do about it and Dee was far too occupied doing her job and spending time with sweet, innocent, Billy Keikeya. Besides, Lee was obviously trapped in the gravitational pull of the black hole that was Kara Thrace. He was fighting that pull, but Dee knew that he would inevitably lose the battle against forces stronger than himself and be sucked into dark oblivion. They always did.

Then something startling happened. Kara Thrace stole the captured Cylon raider and went on a suicide mission back to Caprica. It shouldn't have been all that surprising. Kara Thrace often did stupid, irrational, yet somehow impressive things. But this particular stupid, irrational, yet somehow impressive stunt started a chain of events that would alter Dee's future irreparably.

Suddenly Lee Adama changed before Dee's very eyes. Suddenly she could see all of that untapped potential within Lee coming to life. Lee was becoming more than he had been before. He stood up to Colonel Tigh, whom Dee had never particularly liked or respected, and planned and executed a prison break with the help of many of Galactica's crew including herself. Lee Adama was a man with ideals and he was willing to risk everything to protect his beliefs. Dee could respect that.

When the fleet was reunited and Lee returned to Galactica, Dee couldn't seem to shake her fascination with the man. And now she noticed Lee looking in her direction as well. Lee noticed her. His attention was like a drug, a high, and it made Dee feel important. For the first time, Dee began to believe that she could really be someone within the fleet. If she could catch the attention of Lee Adama it would open doors Dee had never thought possible. She wanted, she craved, the power Lee would inevitably inherit. She wanted to make decisions that affected the fleet. She wanted to be important.

But there was still that problem of Lee's infatuation with Kara Thrace. How could Dee possibly compete with a woman so very different from herself? Kara was loud and brash and crass. She wasn't refined. She wasn't dignified. She had no class. How could Lee Adama possibly have feelings for Dee if he was attracted to such a woman? Kara Thrace was practically a man. Besides, no one competed with Starbuck and won. Dee had no desire to even try.

Then fate seemed to intervene again as Dee heard the rumors circulating that Kara Thrace had found a new conquest back on Caprica. Apparently Starbuck was torn apart by guilt for leaving her new lover behind. Dee could only shake her head in disgust at the woman. Kara Thrace was a train wreck. She self-destructed over and over again. Truly, she was a tragedy who could only evoke pity in those who watched her.

But this time Kara Thrace did Dee a great favor. This time Starbuck did something right. While Kara whined and tried to drink herself into an early grave mourning the loss of the newest love of her life, Dee was able to help Lee through a crisis of his own. Dee was truly distraught to hear Lee's admission of being almost suicidal. She couldn't believe a man of such strength and character could fall so far so fast. Dee knew that she was the only one who could help Lee through this horrible time. Dee made it her mission to teach Lee to live again.

The path to love with Lee Adama was not an easy one. First Dee had to deal with the knowledge that Lee had lowered himself to visiting a prostitute. The knowledge left a bitter taste in her mouth, but Dee convinced herself Lee did not believe he had any other options. She then made it clear to him that she was indeed an option. Lee didn't respond at first, but after breaking ties with the prostitute and having another disastrous sexual run-in with Kara Thrace in full self-destruct mode, Lee began to come around.

Finally, Dee knew Lee Adama could be hers. He was flatteringly interested, almost desperate for her attention. Lee didn't even seem to object to Dee's little relationship with Billy Keikeya. Still, Dee felt it better to end that relationship before moving much further with Lee. She wanted to make it very clear that her new relationship was legitimate. This relationship was important to her and she wanted to get it started on the right foot.

Unfortunately, that didn't work out as planned. Billy was killed during the hostage situation and the beginning of Lee and Dee's relationship looked sordid by anyone's standards. But Dee refused to be distressed by this turn of events. She finally had everything she'd always wanted. Dee had Lee Adama and her future was looking brighter than ever.

There were, of course, a few more bumps in the road to Dee's perfect happiness. More than one had the name Kara Thrace written all over it. Dee was fully aware that Lee was in love with Starbuck. It was painfully obvious to anyone who watched the two together. Dee even believed Kara loved Lee in return. But the other woman was incapable of allowing herself to be happy. She always managed to self-destruct at just the perfect time to allow Dee and Lee to grow closer together. Dee fully believed she actually had Kara Thrace to thank for the fact that she became Mrs. Lee Adama. Really, Dee couldn't have done it without Starbuck.

But Dee wasn't feeling nearly as thankful when Kara started sniffing around Lee after returning from New Caprica. There were times when Dee just wished that she and Lee had been able to convince the Admiral not to return to New Caprica at all. It would've left so many problems behind them. Mostly Dee felt guilty for those moments. It was wrong to wish pain upon so many innocent people just to make her life easier. But could Dee be blamed for missing the Pegasus and her formerly enviable position as Commander Adama's wife? Now she was simply the CAG's wife. Lee was, once again, a viper pilot putting his life on the line day in and day out. Things had been so much better for them both on the Pegasus.

And then there was Lee's affair with Starbuck. Dee was never certain how far it went, but she did know she came very close to losing her husband to the other woman. Dee couldn't help believing that once again Kara must have done something to lead Lee back to his wife. Dee was getting tired of winning by default. But when Lee came crawling back, practically in tears, and begging her to forgive him, Dee somehow found herself giving in. Something about Lee's behavior convinced Dee that maybe this time he had actually chosen her.

Dee's life seemed to steadily improve after that. Lee kept his distance from Kara. Dee saw the other woman moping from time to time, but she didn't let it bother her. Kara had brought all her pain on herself. Dee believed Starbuck was getting exactly what she deserved. And Dee was getting Lee.

All that changed when Starbuck supposedly died. Dee stood beside Lee as he grieved as if his very soul had been ripped out. It was, at times, acutely embarrassing to see how deeply Lee grieved for the other woman. Kara Thrace was not Lee's wife. Couldn't he see how he was humiliating Dee with his grieving antics? How many people did Lee accidentally call by Starbuck's name? How many times did he wake up crying for her in the middle of the night? How long did he carry around that damn picture?

To make matters worse, Lee buried his grief by working on Baltar's trial. He turned on is father, he turned on the President, and he actually got the weasel off! Dee seriously considered divorcing Lee and being done with it. Only looking back on all the blood, sweat, and tears she put into the relationship convinced her to give Lee one more chance. She tried and tried to understand his grief and believe that Lee was allowing that grief to color his judgment. She stood beside her husband and she carried him through. She was the model frakking wife and no one could fault her for her behavior.

But this? Four and a half years of relative peace and now this? Kara frakking Thrace back from the grave and determined to destroy her marriage? Dee was not about to stand idly by and watch that happen. Dee deserved Lee. She had worked and fought and bled for him. Lee belonged to her. Kara Thrace could go back wherever she came from. If Dee had known how to contact the frakking Cylons, she might have sent them a message and the Fleet's coordinates just so they could have Kara Thrace back. Dee was determined that bitch was going down.

- - - - - - - - - -

The sound of the hatch turning snapped Dee from her dark thoughts. She had no idea how long she'd been sitting on her bunk waiting for her husband to find his way home. It seemed like days, like years, but Dee assumed it was closer to a few hours. She would've been missed by now, after all. She'd asked Gaeta to rearrange the schedule so she could pick up a shift in CIC tonight. Dee had a feeling there wouldn't be any reason for her to be at home.

Lee wiped a tired hand over his eyes as he stumbled his way through the hatch. He yawned and stretched his shoulders as much as he could while carrying a stack of paperwork. He made his way to the table and smiled as he noticed his wife. "Hello, beautiful, long time no see."

Dee didn't have anything to smile about. "Where have you been Lee? Or should I even ask?"

Lee frowned. He sat down the paperwork and shook his head as if to clear it of sleep. He turned to face Dee looking more alert and ready for the fight he saw coming. "What do you mean should you even ask? I spent the last three hours in my office, Dee. I fell asleep going through some paperwork. That would be why I'm bringing it home. I got the flight schedule finished this morning during my visit with Kara, but I'm still running behind on my evals. Is there a problem?"

Dee ground her teeth together. She knew he'd been to visit that bitch. He was always visiting that bitch. "Why were you filling out the flight schedule during your visit with Starbuck, Lee? I would assume you'd want to give her your full attention."

Lee lifted a hand to rub his eyes. "She's still ignoring me, Dee. I brought along my paperwork to give me something to talk about." He lowered his hand and stared off at nothing. His eyes twinkled and a quirky smile curved his lips. "And I'm trying to annoy her into reacting to me. I know she knows I'm there. She's just being stubborn. I figure that out of acknowledging me and putting up with paperwork, she'll eventually choose acknowledging me as the lesser of two evils."

How could he not see that Starbuck was using this immature ignoring him thing to suck him back into her black hole? Leave it to Kara Thrace to somehow turn Cylon captivity to her advantage.

"Why are you spending so much time with her, Lee? Don't you see that you could be giving her the wrong idea?"

Lee fought the urge to roll his eyes. He completely ignored the second question. "I'm spending so much time with her, Dee, because there's no reason not to. I can fill out my paperwork just as easily in Kara's quarters as I can in my office. And if I wasn't spending as much time with Kara as I am, then she would be spending the majority of her day all alone, Dee." His eyes darkened with emotion and narrowed on his wife. "Can you understand that? Kara is completely isolated unless someone is visiting her." He paused to take a deep breath and tried to push down the irritation he felt toward his wife. "I've spoken about this at length with both Dr. West and my father. Neither of them objects to my lengthy visits with Kara. If she shows signs of distress or they believe I'm hindering her progress that might change, but for now I've got the okay to visit whenever I want."

Dr. West's opinion could have been expected. Dee couldn't stand that woman and she knew the feeling was mutual. But Admiral Adama's endorsement of Lee's gross abuse of the visiting rules put in place for Starbuck felt like a betrayal. He could he? Didn't he see that Lee was breaking his marriage vows? Lee was supposed to love and honor his wife. How could Lee love and honor his wife while spending most of every day with the woman he loved more?

But Dee refused to allow Lee to see how deeply she felt betrayed. She held her emotionless mask in place and felt only a slight dampness in her eyes. "Then why didn't you just spend the entire day with Starbuck, Lee? Why bother going to your office at all?"

Lee sighed, resigned. "Because Helo and Athena were scheduled for their first joint visit with Kara today. I left when they got there." Dee flinched and Lee felt a stab of guilt. He knew that wasn't what his wife wanted to hear, but Lee was determined to be honest with Dee this time around. He couldn't give Kara up. He just couldn't. He had to be there for Kara and help her through her recovery. He didn't want to hurt Dee, but Lee knew that if he abandoned Kara again he would never forgive himself. He really didn't know what that meant for his marriage. He supposed that was up to Dee.

Dee crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the floor. "Do you want to go to Joe's tonight?" She already knew the answer, of course. That was why she'd requested an extra shift in CIC.

Lee pursed his lips. Dee was playing games and he was well aware of it. "You know I eat dinner with Kara on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Dee." His smile was laced with sarcasm. "Besides, you'd have a hard time making it to Joe's when you're due in CIC in an hour."

Dee looked up in surprise. Lee clenched his jaw in irritation at her antics. "The shift you're covering is Helo's. Gaeta couldn't find Helo to tell him about the change so he asked me if I could."

Dee's expression turned mutinous. "Well, what did you expect, Lee? Why should I bother to be here? You'll be spending most of the night with Starbuck, anyway."

"I expect you not to try to guilt me into abandoning my commitment to Kara," Lee growled and his eyes burned with anger. "I understand if you want to spend time with me, I even understand if you resent the time that I spend with Kara, but I will not put up with any more mind games." He paused and tried to gain control of his volatile emotions. His lips were drawn into a fierce line as he continued. "You knew I wouldn't be here tonight. You knew you wouldn't be here tonight. You made arrangements to spend the night elsewhere. I don't have any problem with that, Dee. If you want to pull an extra shift or two, if you want to be angry with me or avoid me, then you have every right to, but you can drop the guilt games. I'm telling you right now that they won't work." His expression was hard. "You won't like my reaction if I catch you pulling this kind of frakking stunt again."

Dee jerked to a standing position beside the bunk. She clenched her hands into fists. "Because what? You'll leave me? You practically already have!"

"I'm NOT frakking Kara, Dee! I'm not frakking around on you!" Lee yelled. "I visit her and I talk to her, but that's it! She's in no condition to frak around with ANYONE!"

"AND WHAT ABOUT WHEN SHE IS?" Dee demanded. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice shook with rage. "What happens then, Lee? What will you do then?"

Lee's shoulders slumped. All the emotion drained out of him. The tears streaming down Dee's cheeks cut him to the bone. He shrugged and met her eyes. "I don't know, Dee. I just don't know." He tried to show her what he was feeling. "But I promise that I will always be honest with you. I married you, Dee, and you have stood beside me through good and gods-awful bad times. I owe you for that and I promise you my honesty. I will not be unfaithful to you. I will not lie to you. I'm more sorry than I can say, but that's all I can promise you at the moment."

Dee started to look down, but Lee lifted her chin with his hand. His eyes were deadly serious. "And I expect the same in return, Dee. If you want to leave me and end this marriage then I will respect that decision. If you want to try to make this work, then I'll respect that as well. But I will not lose what little of my mind I have left trying to play psychological games with you. I want the truth. You decide what you want and you let me know." He rubbed his thumb on her cheek. "If I find out you're lying to me or playing me again, I'm done."

Dee stood in that same spot for long minutes after Lee was gone. She still felt the tears running down her face. She swiped at them angrily and glared around the empty room. She wanted to rage and howl and break things…but she didn't. That wasn't who Dee was. That wasn't how Dee fought. She was not Kara Thrace and she didn't play that way, but Starbuck was fixing to find out just how Dee did fight. Starbuck was going to be in for the fight of her life. Dee knew exactly what she was going to do. She was going to lay the groundwork, set the traps, stand back and watch Starbuck self-destruct all over again. After all, self-destructing was the one thing Kara Thrace was good at.

* * *

**End of Chapter**

* * *


	14. Half Life Thirteen

Title: Half Life - 13/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 4/16/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Okay, I got this chapter up fairly quickly and it's a long one. I hope you enjoy it. It was hard as hell to write (I read back over it about fifty times), but I think I'm almost satisfied with it. I'm never completely satisfied, but when I finished writing this one I was smiling. I can't wait to hear your opinions! Feedback is, as always, extremely welcome. PLEASE let me know what you think.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Lee knocked loudly on the hatch before reaching down to open it. He carefully balanced the tray of food on one hand as he maneuvered his way through the doorway and closed it behind him. His eyes scanned the room and settled on Kara. A smile tugged at his lips. The blonde spitfire was sprawled out on her bunk shuffling a deck of triad cards. "I guess that explains how Athena got out of here in one piece…good old-fashioned bribery." 

Kara snorted, but didn't change positions. She continued shuffling the cards and tapping her foot on the side of the bunk.

Lee wondered if she'd noticed he was late. His fight with Dee had not been totally unexpected, but Lee would've preferred it come at a more convenient time. Dr. West said Kara needed stability. It bothered Lee to know he wasn't there when he'd told Kara he would be.

Walking over to deposit the tray full of food on Kara's table, Lee rolled his eyes at his own absurdity. Kara had never been the stickler for punctuality he was. He'd lost count of the number of briefings she'd stumbled into late over the years. If she deemed him worthy of speaking to, Kara would probably tell him to stop brooding and pull the stick out of his ass.

Lee grinned. He could practically hear Kara's voice in his head saying just that. Still, he felt the need to apologize. "I'm sorry I'm late, Kara," he told her sincerely.

As expected, Lee received no reply. He turned away briefly to hide his disappointment. Would he ever hear that maddening, infuriatingly wonderful voice again? He was so glad to have Kara back, so thankful to have another chance to make things right, but the knowledge of what he'd lost was like a physical ache in his chest. What wouldn't Lee give to have her throw him one of her cocky Starbuck smirks and a mocking one-liner?

The sound of shuffling pulled Lee from his thoughts. He turned back to face Kara and noticed she'd climbed to her feet. Her expression was troubled, guilty, and she was staring at the floor directly in front of him.

Lee frowned. He had to gain better control over his emotions. The last thing he wanted to do was burden Kara.

Suddenly Lee noticed her eyes flicker to his chest and back to the floor. She frowned and her expression darkened further. Then she did it again. Lee looked down and froze. Without even realizing it, he'd lifted a hand and started rubbing his chest. It was one of his tells, an obvious gesture of emotional pain. Kara had pointed it out to Lee years ago while comparing him and his father. She'd smiled sadly at him and asked if he thought he had an open heart scar too. Lee's reply at the time had been a bitter look and a yes. He could still remember the pain in Kara's eyes as she'd made a hasty exit from his office.

Lee immediately dropped his hand. He didn't want to cause Kara anymore pain. He didn't want to bring up bad memories or cry about the past. He wanted to build a future. He was determined to build a new relationship with Kara, one that would last.

Ignoring the tension in the air, Lee forced a smile and motioned toward the tray. "I come bearing algae." His expression turned thoughtful as he examined the food. "I think they're calling it meatloaf today. Gods help us."

Kara threw an exaggerated grimace toward the food. She took her time, stretching her arms over her head and giving a silent yawn as she made her way toward the table.

This time Lee's grin wasn't forced. "I think you might be getting out shape if crossing the room takes this much effort, Kara."

Kara held up her hand and looked at it. She bent her fingers into a decidedly crude gesture and smiled sweetly.

A laugh escaped Lee's throat. "I just meant we might need to resurrect our morning runs, you pain in the ass."

Kara dropped her hand. Her smile widened and turned genuine.

Lee matched it with one of his own. The thought of being able to run side by side with Kara again every morning made his heart beat faster. Damn, but he missed their old routines. "I'll talk to Dr. West, but one of the objectives on her latest 'Operation: Fix Starbuck' list was for you to start getting out of these quarters. I'm sure she'll give us the okay."

Lee casually pulled out his chair and sat down. He waited for Kara to follow suit. He knew without looking that she was frowning over his mention of her treatment. She always frowned when he mentioned her treatment. But Lee was determined to face this head on. Kara needed help. She was getting help. She would get better. End of story. Lee wasn't going to pretend everything was okay and she was the same person she'd always been. That was Helo's game, not Lee's. Lee wanted them both to face reality. He wasn't about to start building walls between them again.

When Lee heard Kara's chair scrap the floor, he mentally sighed with relief. He was making progress. Slowly but surely, Kara was opening up to him. He just had to control his emotions and be patient. Lee knew he couldn't afford to frak this up.

Lee was just starting to move the plates of food off the tray when another knock sounded from the hatch. He frowned and reluctantly climbed to his feet to answer it. Lee found his father and Dr. West waiting outside the door. "Is there a problem?"

Admiral Adama's eyes narrowed on his son. Lee's irritation at their interruption was obvious. "We need to speak with you, Major."

Lee sighed. It was never a good sign when he was off duty and his father reverted to using rank anyway. "Can it wait? We were just about to eat."

"It can't wait," Admiral Adama's answer was short and terse.

Dr. West eyed father and son with amusement. "Step into the hall and we can discuss it here," she told the Major, "then you can resume your meal after we've finished."

Lee threw one last reluctant look toward Kara. She was twirling a fork through her fingers impatiently, but there was nothing to be done for it. "I'll be right back, Kara." With a jerk, Kara stabbed the fork into a piece of algae-loaf. Lee frowned. He didn't want to think too hard on Kara's fork-fascination.

Pulling the hatch closed behind him, Lee turned to face his father and Dr. West. "What's this about? What did I do wrong?"

The Admiral looked uncomfortable. "Why would you ask that?"

Lee's eyebrows shot up. "You're interrupting my dinner with Kara and you're having Dr. West stand in on our conversation. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," Laney jumped in to reassure him. She lifted her hands in a sign for peace. "It's not technically anything you've done wrong, Major Adama. Your father simply has some concerns regarding your recent behavior and how it might be affecting the people around you."

Lee's lips drew into a hard line and his eyes darkened with emotion. Suddenly his father's uncomfortable stance made sense. "I assume by people you mean my wife." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his father. "Do you really believe you're in any position to criticize my behavior in regards to my wife?"

The Admiral sighed and shook his head. "I'm not criticizing your behavior, Lee, and I have no desire to become involved in your marital affairs."

"Then why are we having this conversation?"

The Admiral straightened his stance. He rested his hands on his waist. "I received a report that yelling was heard outside your quarters earlier today." When Lee started to speak the Admiral waved him off. "This was only the latest incident of concern, Lee. Your wife is becoming increasingly agitated by the amount of time you dedicate to Kara each day. It's beginning to affect her work and become a distraction to others."

Lee gritted his teeth. "What other incidents of concern are we talking about?"

Laney smiled sympathetically. "Lieutenant Adama has begun to request permission to be added to Kara's visitation list."

Lee felt his jaw go slack. "She what?"

"I believe she wishes to assess Kara's condition for herself," Laney continued, "but as I'm sure you understand, that is not the purpose of Kara's visitors. Kara's quarters are her safe haven. It is very important she feel comfortable and secure in her quarters. We can't risk destroying that safe haven."

Lee forced himself to take slow deep breaths. He clenched his hands into fists. "I completely understand, Dr. West. I will speak with my wife."

Admiral Adama sighed. "Lee, don't be too hard on Dee. This can't be an easy situation for her. She sees Kara as a threat to her marriage. She's only trying to protect herself."

"I understand that, Dad," Lee said. "Dee and I discussed the situation this afternoon. I hope our conversation will have resolved this issue already, but I'll speak with her again nonetheless."

"Good," Laney smiled at both father and son, "then that's settled." She focused on the Admiral. "If that will be all?"

"Of course," the Admiral answered.

"Actually," Lee stopped her; "I wanted to speak to you about something myself."

Laney lifted an inquiring brow. "Yes, Major?"

Lee threw a hesitant look toward his father before speaking. "I'd like to begin taking Kara on morning runs if you feel she's up to it." At Dr. West's curious look, Lee explained. "It was one of our old rituals. I mentioned it earlier to Kara and I think she might be receptive to the idea."

Laney bit her lip thoughtfully. She reached up to tap her finger on her chin. Finally she nodded. "That might actually work, Major. If Kara would be willing to join you on these runs, it might be a good start to her branching out of her quarters. You can keep your route to the restricted pathways on this level to begin with and if all goes well, we can progress from there."

Lee grinned as excitement pumped through his veins. "Great." He couldn't wait to tell Kara.

Laney smiled at his enthusiastic response. "I've also noticed a marked increase in Kara's responses to you, Major. Whatever you're doing, it seems to be working. Keep it up." She bid both father and son goodbye before turning to leave.

The Admiral watched her go before looking to his son. "Lee, I want you to consider giving up one of your dinner days with Kara."

Lee's response was automatic. "No."

The Admiral pushed on. "I've already spoken with Saul, Lee. He's volunteered to eat with Kara on Wednesdays as well as his normal Saturdays."

"I won't do it, Dad."

The Admiral could hear the steel in Lee's voice. "Son…"

"No," Lee forced. "It's not an option." He locked his jaw and stared into his father's concerned eyes. "I understand that you're only trying to help and that you think this is what's best for me but you're wrong. I won't let you start limiting my time with Kara unless Dr. West advises it. Kara is important to me and that is not going to change. Dee will either accept it or my marriage is over."

Lee turned back toward the hatch to Kara's quarters and took a deep breath. "So, Dad, you can either tell the Colonel thanks but no thanks or we can start eating on Wednesdays as a trio. It's up to you." He reached for the handle and only paused when he heard his father call his name. "Yes?" Lee looked back over his shoulder.

The Admiral's expression was resigned and very serious. "Do you know what you're doing, Son? Are you prepared to face the consequences of your actions?"

Lee's eyes darkened with old grief and his smile was bitter. "I'm not prepared to ever lose Kara again, Dad. Anything else, I can handle."

The Admiral watched Lee step back through the hatch into Kara's quarters. He sighed and finally accepted that Dr. West was right. His son was in love with Kara. It left an uneasy feeling inside the Admiral's chest. There were so many complications, so many obstacles in the path before them. After everything they'd been through, the Admiral could only hope that somehow his two children would find their way to happiness. They certainly deserved it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Stepping back through the hatch, Lee fully expected to see an empty plate sitting in front of an empty chair on Kara's side of the table. Her time in captivity might have altered many things about Kara, but it hadn't improved her patience.

Lee was in for a surprise. Kara's plate was still full and resting on the tray beside his. Her fork was still lodged inside the algae-loaf with its handle pointing off at a jaunty angle.

Kara was still seated in her chair, but had apparently passed the time by playing a one-person card game. Lee made a mental note to thank Helo later for giving Kara those cards.

"Sorry about that," Lee told Kara as he stepped forward to retake his seat, "Dad's being concerned and infuriating as usual."

Lee was surprised again as Kara sat aside the cards and started moving the plates of food off the tray and onto the table. She sat Lee's untouched plate and glass in front of him and did the same with her own.

Not wanting to spook her, Lee slowly reached for his silverware and turned his attention to his food. He tried to act like everything was normal. Lee spent the next ten minutes eating and talking between bites about anything and everything. It wasn't until he'd finished almost his entire meal that he realized Kara wasn't eating with him. He finally looked up from his plate and directly into Kara's eyes…those beautiful deep green eyes.

Lee's heart stopped.

Then Kara spoke. "I'm sorry about Dee," she said softly. "I don't want to cause you problems."

All the blood rushed to Lee's head. A huge smile split his face and he reached for Kara's hands without thinking. Kara flinched and jerked them out of reach. It snapped Lee from his euphoric daze but nothing could wipe away his smile.

Lee held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry…I forgot…no touching…my bad." Kara eyes were still wary, but they didn't falter from Lee's. A laugh of pure joy escaped Lee's throat. He had to force himself to take deep breaths so he wouldn't hyperventilate. "I promise, Kara," his voice was giddy, "no more touching, but don't you dare take away those gorgeous eyes."

Kara smirked. Her eyes twinkled.

Lee could barely make himself sit still. It was worth it. All the waiting and the fighting and the heartache of the last few months, all the visits where she stared off into space and he forced smiles and fought tears, it was all worth it just to stare straight into those gorgeous green eyes. He'd do it all over again, start all over again, just to hear that achingly familiar voice. Kara was worth it.

After a few minutes of his staring, Kara blushed and looked down. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention to her food. For a moment, Lee's heart contracted in pain and he wanted to panic. But then she looked back up from her plate and threw him an annoyed expression. It clearly read 'say something, you dumbass!'

And so he did. His face aching from smiling so hard, Lee started to talk. "I asked Dr. West about our morning runs, Kara, and I hope you hit your rack early because I'm dragging your lazy ass out of bed at 0500 tomorrow."

Kara looked up and snorted as she chewed up a piece of algae-loaf. She stuck her tongue out at him before she swallowed.

Lee laughed and grimaced at the same time. "That's what I've always loved about you, Kara. You're so dignified and lady-like."

Kara shot him another crude gesture with one hand while she speared a piece of algae with the other. She twirled the fork through her fingers before yanking the algae off with her teeth and into her mouth. The sounds of her chomping echoed through the room. She was rude, arrogant, and completely unapologetic. Lee wouldn't have her any other way.

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	15. Half Life Fourteen

Title: Half Life - 14/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 4/23/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…3330  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Sorry for the wait on this chapter, but it was HELL to write. I wrote this sucker three different ways before finally deciding on the finished product. I hope it still comes out okay. The chapter has a strange flow to it and I hope it doesn't confuse anyone. Let me know what you think! I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into this one guys. Now I have a massive headache and I'm going to take some Advil.

Feedback? Pretty PRETTY PLEASE?!?

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

"Kara?" 

She ignored his voice and stared at the wall. Why wouldn't he just go away? Didn't he understand it was hopeless? She was hopeless! Everything was too much! She couldn't do this! Kara was dead! Starbuck was dead! Why didn't he get that?

"Come on, Kara. Give me your eyes. I need to see you."

Her eyes burned with unshed tears, but she fought them back. She gritted her teeth and continued to stare at the wall. She tried to pull away, to pull back into herself and escape. It was harder to do this time. Everything was harder to do since she'd come back to this frakking fleet. Why? Why was she even here? She was a freak! She didn't belong here. She didn't belong anywhere!

"Come on, Kara. It's not that bad. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it. I know you're upset. I know something…something bad happened, but please don't shut me out. I can't lose you, Kara. Please, look at me."

Upset? She was upset? He had no frakking idea! None of them did! None of them could understand that she still felt him crawling underneath her skin. It was the same…always the same. She couldn't run and she couldn't hide because they were inside her and they overwhelmed her and she was completely helpless! She hated it! She was furious! She was livid! How DARE he do this to her?

"Can you tell me what happened? Please, let me help you, Kara."

There was no helping her. There was no end to this torment. She'd thought…she'd hoped it was going away. She'd actually started to believe that she could be normal…that she could be a person again. But she wasn't a person. She was a thing. She was a tool. She was what the gods had created her to be and she hated them for it.

"I should've been there. I know that. I'm so sorry, Kara, but I promise I won't let you down again. Please, don't shut me out."

Her nails bit into the palms of her hands and a frustrated scream lodged in her throat. He didn't see! He didn't understand! He was still stuck in the past. He still saw KARA…the woman she used to be. He didn't understand she couldn't be that woman anymore.

He was blaming himself. He was making this about him. This wasn't about him! She wasn't ignoring him because he wasn't there. She wasn't that person anymore. She didn't work that way. She was so tired of being seen but not understood. Why couldn't there be just one person, one single person, who understood? Why did she always have to be alone?

"Kara, PLEASE!"

Why wouldn't he go away? He was just like all the rest. He didn't really see her. He saw what he wanted to see. He didn't really want her. He wanted his Kara back. Kara was dead. No one wanted her. No one could understand and no one wanted to. She was a freak. She was so tired of caring. What was the point? She didn't care. She just couldn't care anymore.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Location: The Admiral's Quarters_

William Adama frowned as he watched the feed from his daughter's quarters. He watched on the screen as Lee ran his hands through his hair, stood up, and started pacing back and forth. His son was becoming increasingly agitated. He wouldn't be any help to Kara in this state. Not that Kara seemed to notice. She was lying in her bunk facing the wall. She'd been in that position since awaking from sedation almost twenty-four hours earlier. Kara hadn't said a word or acknowledged anyone since the incident the day before in the mess hall.

The Admiral's expression darkened as he thought back over the debriefs of the incident in question.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Dr. Laney West_

The Admiral fought for patience and restraint. He wanted to blame this woman for whatever new trauma his daughter was facing, but he knew that wasn't fair. He'd been warned Kara's recovery would be a long and bumpy path. He could only pray this bump didn't break anything.

"How did this happen?" He finally managed to ask gruffly.

Laney didn't miss the 'protective father' tone in the Admiral's voice. She tried to appear competent and professional, even though her stomach was tied in knots and her heart ached for her patient. "As you are aware, Kara has made what I consider great progress over the last few weeks."

The Admiral bit back an angry reply. He forced a nod. "I'm aware. Continue."

Laney took a shaky breath. "Kara's begun to acknowledge almost all of her visitors. She's spoken several times to Major Adama, she's interacting with the Agathons in a very encouraging manner, she's begun to use her gestures and facial expressions to communicate, she even finally met Lieutenant Anders eyes last week."

The Admiral's eyes narrowed. He didn't need a daily rundown of Kara's progress. He'd seen it with his own eyes. "Make your point, Doctor."

"I'm getting there," Laney told him firmly. She crossed her arms over her chest and met his gaze with determination. She would not allow him to rush her. This was too important. "As I was saying, Kara's made great progress. She's even begun to slowly venture outside her quarters. Her daily morning runs with Major Adama, for example."

The Admiral's lips drew into a hard line. "What I need to know, Doctor, is how Kara went from great progress and daily morning runs with Lee to this?" He pointed angrily toward the live feed from Kara's quarters. His daughter had regained consciousness some three hours ago. She'd ignored his presence at her side when she awoke, rolled toward the wall, and hadn't moved since.

Laney winced, not out of fear or guilt, but out of sympathy for Kara, the Admiral, and the rest of Kara's makeshift family. "This, it would appear, is Kara's first setback."

"But how did it happen?"

Laney took another deep breath. "Well, Admiral, you see…"

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon_

"It's my fault, sir, and I take full responsibility," Helo looked sick with guilt. His eyes kept darting to the vid screen but he somehow managed to hold himself at attention. "I should've known better, sir. I just…I thought she was ready. I wanted my friend back and I pushed her too far too fast. This is my fault."

The Admiral sighed. He reached up to rub his eyes. "I'm not here to assign blame, Captain. I'm just trying to piece together what happened. We all want to help Kara, Helo. I know you wouldn't deliberately do anything to hurt her."

Helo's jaw tightened. "Deliberate or not, I hurt her, sir. Kara would be fine right now if I'd just brought her lunch in her quarters like I always do. I pushed her and now she's paying the price."

"We all make mistakes, Helo," the Admiral told him quietly. "We're not even certain at this point that a mistake on your part caused the incident. That's why we're here." The Admiral moved around his desk and took a seat. He motioned to Helo. "Let's take it from the top, Captain. Tell me everything that happened."

Helo gave a jerky nod. "I arrived at Kara's quarters at approximately 1300 hours. We were supposed to eat lunch together, but I thought I had a better idea…"

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Dr. Laney West_

"Captain Agathon can't really be blamed," Dr. West said sincerely. "I've been encouraging all of Kara's visitors to work with her. I want her to venture outside of her quarters more often. I want Kara to feel safe on Galactica. This was once her home and I want to reestablish that."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon_

"And I knew Kara was taking morning runs with Apollo," Helo explained. "I didn't see any harm in eating lunch in the mess. I went early and separated a few tables from everyone else. I thought I had everything planned." He paused and shook his head at his own stupidity. "I thought I could keep anyone from getting too close to her. I should've known better."

The Admiral frowned. "Did Kara object to eating in the mess? Did she show any fear of leaving her quarters or possibly encountering any other crewmembers?"

"No, sir," Helo said. "She seemed fine…even excited."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Dr. Laney West_

"Kara has begun to show signs of restlessness," Laney said. "I believe she wants to test her boundaries." She paused and bit her lip thoughtfully. "In fact, I wouldn't have objected to Captain Agathon's idea under a more controlled setting. I simply would've numbered the amount of crewmembers present, warned everyone to keep their distance, and made myself available in case something went wrong."

The Admiral sat back in his chair. "But you believe Kara was ready to start taking more steps forward? You believe she was ready for this?"

Laney's smile was sad. "I believe we couldn't have known how Kara would react until we tried. Unfortunately, unforeseen circumstances triggered a bad reaction and we've hit our first setback. But no," Laney told him firmly, "I do not believe that Captain Agathon's idea was wholly bad or without merit. I do not hold him responsible for what happened."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon_

"What happened once you reached the Mess Hall?"

"I took Kara to our table and then went to get our food," Helo answered. "When I returned, I noticed Kara was staring across the mess at another table. I looked over to see Boomer and Caprica seated with their marine guards."

The Admiral's eyebrows shot up. "How did Kara react to that?"

"I explained that Boomer and Caprica were being allowed limited privileges in reward for cooperating with the Fleet," Helo said. "I told Kara that eating lunch in the mess was one of the newer privileges." He shrugged. "She seemed to accept it. She smirked at them, caught Caprica's eyes and blew the cylon a kiss. Caprica glared at Kara and returned her attention to her food."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Caprica Six and Boomer Eight_

Caprica's expression was sour. "I did not have any meaningful interaction with Starbuck in the Mess Hall."

Boomer stifled a laugh.

Caprica glared at Boomer before turning back to the Admiral and explaining. "Starbuck hates me…hates all cylons. She smirked at me and blew me a kiss. It's something of a ritual with her…her way of letting me know she wants to kill me. She needn't have bothered."

The Admiral looked to Boomer.

The Eight nodded. "I'd have to agree with Caprica's assessment, sir. It's Starbuck's favored way of taunting Caprica. Starbuck knows she unsettles Caprica and she enjoys playing on that."

Caprica's lips twisted. "I hate that woman."

That statement earned her a glare from the Admiral.

Caprica rolled her eyes. "But I had absolutely nothing to do with putting her in her current condition. I didn't tell that bumbling pilot to grab her." She cocked her head to the side and a sarcastic smile curved her lips. "I would never advise anyone to touch her."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon_

"When we finished eating, I pushed to my feet and grabbed my tray," Helo said. "I heard Kara stand as well, but it didn't even occur to me to stop her." Helo's eyes started to water as he remembered what happened next. He reached up a hand and rubbed his fingers over them. "I just forgot, sir. I forgot that she isn't the same Kara anymore. I forgot she couldn't do the same things. Everything with lunch was so normal and I was so happy that…I just forgot."

The Admiral gave Helo a minute to collect himself before clearing his throat. "What happened next, Captain?"

Helo pulled himself back to attention. He stared straight ahead and ignored the sting in his eyes. "I was weaving my way through the tables to take back my tray. I could hear Kara following me. Lieutenant Duke Johnson was ahead of us. He'd just put down his tray and turned to leave. I smiled and said hey. He stepped past me and the next thing I remember was this piercing wail. For a moment, I was confused and shocked, but then I realized it was Kara." A shudder wracked Helo's body. "I've never heard anything like it. My body felt hot, cold, and sweaty all at the same time. I just…panicked."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Caprica Six and Boomer Eight_

"The pilot was looking at Helo and didn't notice Kara behind him," Boomer explained. "He bumped right into her."

Caprica nodded her support of Boomer's account. "He smiled and tried to play it off, but Starbuck was unsteady on her feet. The pilot reached out to help her."

Boomer felt goosebumps break out on her skin. She reached up to rub her hands up and down her arms. "He grabbed her bare arms, sir. He couldn't have known what he was doing, but Starbuck just lost it."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Lieutenant Duke 'Dumbo' Johnson_

"I don't know what happened, sir," Dumbo stood at attention before the Admiral's desk, but still looked visibly shaken by the earlier events. "I'd just returned my tray. I nodded and returned Helo's greeting, then…I don't know. Maybe I bumped into her, maybe she bumped into me…I don't know." Dumbo paused and took a deep breath. He was still trying to get that sound out of his head. He forced himself to finish. "I smiled and said something like 'watch where you're going there, Sweetie'. But I noticed she was off-balance. I reached out to steady her and she just went wild. She started screeching and wailing like I'd stabbed her! I swear, I was just trying to stop her from falling!"

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon_

"By the time I turned around, Kara had shoved her tray into Dumbo's gut and laid him out with a right hook," Helo continued. "He was trying to pick himself up off the floor, but I motioned for him to stay down. Then Kara wedged herself into a corner and crouched down into a ball. She was shaking and still making that wailing sound. I tried to approach her, but Boomer…"

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Caprica Six and Boomer Eight_

"I warned Helo not to touch her," Boomer said. "I advised him to call for help and keep his distance. By this point, Caprica and I were standing guard a few feet behind him."

"Why?" The Admiral questioned.

Boomer straightened her posture and lifted her chin. "Once I saw the pilot touch Kara, I knew we had a problem. I immediately moved to position myself between the mass of crewmembers in the mess and Kara and Helo. Caprica followed my lead."

The Admiral looked to Caprica.

The blonde cylon shrugged. "We told you when we first arrived that Starbuck reacts violently to being touched. It was a documented fact. The Sevens found out quite early on that skin-on-skin contact could send Starbuck into a violent rage. We changed our methods of handling her accordingly."

The reminder of Kara's time in captivity stirred up all that old bitter anger and pain, but the Admiral fought to control it. He locked his eyes with Boomer's. "Your lunches in the Mess Hall were a privilege."

Boomer nodded. "Yes, sir."

"You received that privilege because you helped to return my daughter to this Fleet and you have cooperated with us since your return," the Admiral continued. "But you knew your privileges could be suspended at any time if you chose to break our rules."

"Yes, sir."

The Admiral's eyebrows lifted. "I have four marines being treated in the Life Station for concussions. I believe they attempted to hinder your interference in the situation with Kara and Helo?"

Boomer's lips tightened. She paused a moment, but finally nodded. "Yes, sir."

The Admiral looked her over closely then sighed. "I could believe your actions were calculated and this was a ploy to gain favor with me, but I'm going to choose not to. I'm going to choose to believe that you were looking out for my daughter's best interests." His eyes narrowed and settled briefly on Caprica. "Don't make me regret it."

Caprica fought the urge to roll her eyes. This would not be a good time to antagonize the most powerful man in the Fleet. She thought she caught a ghost of a smile on the Admiral's lips, but then it was gone.

"One more question," the Admiral said. He waited until he had both Boomer and Caprica's full attention. "What happens to Kara when she's touched?"

Boomer and Caprica shared a glance. It was Boomer who finally answered. "We have no idea, sir. I swear to you, we have no idea."

The Admiral nodded and pushed his way to his feet. He walked toward the door to their prison but paused before going through. He looked back. "You will be escorted to the Mess Hall by your guards for three meals a day." He frowned and looked at the clear walls of their cell. "And I'll see what I can do about getting you some more comfortable accommodations."

Hope filled Caprica's chest. She had the strangest urge to smile at Boomer. Thankfully, the Eight was too busy beaming at her former commanding officer to notice.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_ Debrief: Dr. Laney West_

The debrief coming to a close, Admiral Adama turned to look at Dr. West with tired, worried eyes. He asked her the question that had plagued him through the night. "What's been done to her, Laney? What happens to Kara when she's touched?"

Laney started briefly at the Admiral's use of her first name, but she supposed it only made sense. They were all in this battle together now. "That's what we're going to find out, Admiral. That's exactly what we're going to find out."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	16. Half Life Fifteen

Title: Half Life - 15/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 5/3/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2191  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Yay! Finals are over and I made all As! Go me!

This chapter is kind of a transitional chapter. I knew what I wanted to write for the last chapter and where I wanted to be at the beginning of next chapter, but I wasn't sure how to get there. This chapter is what my muse came up with. I hope you enjoy it! It isn't all that long, but the next one should be a whopper and I'll try to get it up sooner now that I'm out of school for a month.

Also: I'd love to know what you guys think of my Kara. Is she coming across okay? Does she make sense? I know her secret hasn't been revealed yet, but I'm trying to get her emotional/mental state down. What do you think?

Feedback is, as always, deeply appreciated!

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

Kara jogged down the hallway. She focused on her steps, one foot in front of the other. She didn't speak. Her face was blank. She rounded the next corner and carefully sidestepped a marine. The marine froze and jerked out of the way, but he needn't have bothered. She was fully aware of her surroundings. She wouldn't slip again. Besides, her arms and legs were carefully covered. Other than her hands, the only exposed skin on her body was on her face and no one was foolish enough to get that close. She wasn't normal, she wasn't human, she was a thing, and she wouldn't allow herself to forget ever again. 

Lee looked back over his shoulder and threw her a forced smile. Kara didn't respond. She brutally shut down the wave of emotion that look evoked. She couldn't afford to feel. Emotion blurred judgment; it made you careless. Kara couldn't afford to be careless.

Lee turned his attention back to the run as he rounded the last corner and jogged through the open hatch into her quarters. Kara followed three steps behind. She slowed to a walk and started her cool down routine.

"Well, another day, another run," Lee's voice was winded. He bent forward and stretched his arms over his head. "I think I might have time to grab some breakfast before my shift starts. Wanna join me?"

Kara ignored him. She jerked her sweatshirt off over her head and grabbed a towel from her bunk. She continued stretching her arms and legs as she dried off.

Lee sighed and she could feel the emotional fatigue in the sound. Kara gritted her teeth and reinforced her mental walls. Why wouldn't he leave already? Kara could only handle Lee in small doses. He got too close, tempted her with things she couldn't have.

"Kara, how long are you going to keep this up? You have to face your problems. You can't just keep running away from them. Let me help you."

Lee had no idea what the frak he was talking about. There was nowhere she could run, nowhere she could hide; she was the problem. Kara fought back the urge to tell him just that. There was no point. Lee couldn't understand. He'd just start telling her how wrong she was. She was great. She was wonderful. There was nothing wrong with her. Yeah, right. She was a frakkin' picture of mental frakkin' health.

Lee Adama couldn't handle the truth about her. He didn't really want to understand, because then he'd finally know there was no hope. He was never getting his Kara back. She would never be normal again. She was a freak of nature now and no amount of frakkin' headshrinking with Dr. West was going to change that.

And yet, even as she stood here telling herself every reason that Lee needed to stay away, Kara knew she wouldn't take that final step to sever all ties. She wouldn't tell him just how much of a freak she really was. She just…couldn't. She couldn't see that look of disgust on his face. She couldn't bear to have him look at her and see what she really was.

Her eyes watered and she kept them carefully averted from his view. For just a moment, she allowed herself to remember the other Kara. That woman, that Kara, had been so foolish and careless, but no one could doubt Kara had been alive. She'd loved and felt fiercely. Kara had appreciated all the pleasure and pain life could be.

And now? Now this abomination was all that was left. She remembered. She remembered everything in a vague disconnected sort of way. But it wasn't her and she hadn't lived it. She didn't know the sensation of simple human contact and she never would. All she had were the memories of a dead woman…a dead woman that she couldn't even aspire to be.

But sometimes when she looked at Lee the line between the present and the past blurred away and Kara could almost believe she was a real person. She could almost feel his skin beneath her fingertips, could almost taste it, and it was everything she could do to resist. But she would resist. She had no choice. Lee was an illusion. He was a dangerous illusion and she could never ever let him see the truth.

"Okay, Kara, I'll go," Lee finally relented. "My shift starts soon anyway." He walked toward the hatch but stopped before leaving. "But I'm coming back, Kara. I'll be back tonight with dinner and then I'm running with you again tomorrow morning. I'll keep coming back and keep trying until you get tired of this game your playing. I won't give up on you, Kara. Do you understand that?"

Kara shrugged and answered. "I don't care." And that was what she would keep telling herself until it was true.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: The Admiral's Quarters_

"So where do we stand?" The Admiral looked across his desk at Dr. Laney West. She smirked back at him and he knew what she was thinking. These meetings were becoming something of a habit. "I've come to trust your opinion, Dr. West," he told her seriously, "do you believe that Kara is continuing to make progress? Is she improving or are we losing her?"

Laney straightened in her seat and considered his questions. She bit her lip thoughtfully for a moment, but finally shrugged. "I'm not sure I have an answer for you, Admiral. I do believe that we're still making progress with Kara in one area, but I also believe we've hit a brick wall in another."

The Admiral thought he knew what Laney was talking about, but he motioned for her to continue anyway. "Explain."

Laney cocked her head to the side. "Kara's speaking has increased. She's resumed her morning runs. She eats with company every night. She's even eaten lunch in the mess hall with Helo on three different occasions without incident. In all of these respects, Kara appears to be improving."

The Admiral nodded. "Agreed." He waited for her to broach the problem they both saw developing.

"But she's built a wall, Admiral," Laney cut to the chase. "I feel like Kara is more distant from us now than she has been since she arrived on this ship."

A pained smile curved the Admiral's lips. "Ever since Kara was returned, I've wanted nothing more than to hear her voice. Every word…every single word…" he paused and reached up to rub his fingers over his eyes, "they were a gift. But now…" The Admiral laughed, but the sound was bitter. "I don't care. That's all I get from her…all anyone gets from her. I never thought I could hate three words so much."

Laney ached with sympathy for the father. "She isn't trying to hurt you, Admiral. I don't believe she's trying to hurt anyone. Kara's trying to protect herself. She's built a wall that she can hide behind, a wall created on the idea that she doesn't care about anything."

The Admiral nodded. "If she doesn't care about anything then nothing can touch her. I pieced that one together on my own." His eyes narrowed on the doctor. "What I don't know, Laney, is how we go about breaking down that wall?"

"I have a few ideas on that score, Admiral." Laney leaned forward in her chair. Her eyes sparked with determination and a slightly devious smile curved her lips. "I think its time we started using Kara's hard head against her."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_An hour later…_

Lee couldn't contain his shock at what they were suggesting. He looked first to his father, then to Dr. West. "And you think this is a good idea? You think she's ready for this?"

Laney smirked. "It was my idea, Major."

Lee leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He shook his head. "I don't understand. Kara's growing more distant by the day. She's pulling away from everyone. How can adding more pressure improve the situation?"

"One of my primary goals is to help Kara relearn how to function as a normal healthy human being," Laney said. "We need to help her rebuild her life. This will be the first step to rebuilding Kara's life. We'll be giving her a purpose."

"You'll be giving her a job," Lee corrected with a frown, "a job she doesn't like! Kara hates paperwork. She just wanted to fly. She hated being CAG for exactly that reason."

Laney shrugged. "If Kara dislikes her new job, she's free to object. I'm sure the Admiral would be more than willing to find a job more suitable to Kara's temperament if he had her input." She paused and shared a smile with the Admiral. "But for the time being, I think you'll find that Kara doesn't care."

Lee shook his head and sat back in his chair. He knew what they were trying to do, and lords knew he wouldn't object to having Kara work with him day in and day out, but Lee had to try to be the voice of reason. "You do realize this could completely blow up in our faces? Kara could completely blow up in our faces."

The Admiral chuckled. "And would that be so bad at this point, Lee? Would that be so horrible? I don't know about you, but I can't think of anything I'd like to see more than a good old-fashioned Starbuck hissy fit."

They had a point. Lee nodded but kept his expression neutral. "I guess I've got myself a new assistant."

"So you wouldn't mind taking this much responsibility in Kara's therapy, Major?" Laney questioned. She gave a big frown and reached up a finger to tap her chin. "I suppose, if this would be too much of an imposition, we could place Kara in another's care…"

Lee straightened in his chair. "That won't be necessary."

The finger and frown dropped. Laney's eyes sparkled. "If you're sure?"

Lee opened his mouth to respond, but noticed Dr. West and his father sharing a knowing smile. He glared at them both. "Who's going to break the news to Kara?"

The Admiral coughed to cover his smile. "I was going to, Lee, but if you'd rather…"

Lee waved him off. "It's all yours." He pushed himself to his feet. "But tell Kara I'll still expect her ready for our morning run at 0500." He nodded to his father. "Admiral," and to Laney, "Dr. West."

After the hatch closed behind Lee, the Admiral threw Laney a stern look. "I don't believe encouraging my son's romantic relationship with Kara is part of your job description, Laney."

Laney rolled her eyes and waved her hand in dismissal. "Oh, I'm not." The Admiral just looked at her. "I'm not!" She told him more emphatically. But then she shrugged and admitted. "Your son's just so easy to tease, Admiral. He thinks he's so good at hiding his feelings and he always tries to be so very professional." Her twinkling eyes settled on the Admiral. "I can't imagine where he gets that from."

The Admiral chuckled and shook his head. "Would you like to accompany me on my visit with Kara? I might need the backup."

Laney climbed to her feet and joined the Admiral as he made his way toward the hatch. "Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the worlds."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	17. Half Life Sixteen

Title: Half Life - 16/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 5/8/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2836  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: This chapter is kind of an emotional rollercoaster. Hopefully it still comes across okay. I'm trying to mix some light moments in with the dark…sort of BTVS-style humor. I'd love to know what you think. Does everyone still seem in character? Is the emotional impact okay? Is anything confusing?

I love to answer questions so please feel free to send them my way. Feedback is, as always, VERY appreciated!

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

_Location: The CAG's Office_

Major Lee Adama looked up from his unfinished flight schedule and across his desk at his new assistant. Kara was sitting stoically in the chair opposite him and working her way through a stack of paperwork. He watched as she finished one page, flipped it over into another pile, and moved on to the next. Her face was blank. Lee's chest ached. This wasn't working.

Kara had been Lee's assistant now for eight days. She showed up every morning at exactly 0700 fresh from a shower following their morning run. She sat down and she started working. She didn't speak unless spoken to and used as few words as possible. Her favorite phrase was still 'I don't care'. She didn't smile. She didn't complain. She didn't anything! She was just…there. This wasn't working.

Lee sat back in his chair and ran his hand over his face. What was he supposed to do? How did he get through to her? She was so damn stubborn! He knew something more was going on. He knew something happened to her when she was touched, but she wouldn't let him in! Instead she was hiding from him and pretending she didn't care. Now why did that sound so familiar? Typical frakkin' Starbuck!

Taking deep breaths, Lee tried to fight down the wave of anger and helplessness that Kara's new attitude always seemed to evoke. It was everything he could do not to jump up and start screaming at her, but Lee knew how well that approach worked. Another emotional outburst last week and Kara was back to completely ignoring Sam's existence. Lee had to keep his temper under control. Just the idea of losing more ground with Kara made him want to panic. He couldn't go back to that. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't.

"She's dead."

Lee's eyes snapped to Kara.

She met his stare briefly, then shrugged and returned to her work. "I don't care."

Lee ground his teeth together. He dug his fingernails into his palms. "Well, you know what, Kara? That's too frakkin' bad, because I DO!" He jerked to his feet and started pacing from wall to wall behind his desk. He forced himself to take deep breaths. He couldn't snap. He had to stay calm. He couldn't lose control.

"I don't care. Get over it."

Lee saw red. She was pushing him, pushing his buttons. She was trying to make him snap. Her face held no expression and her eyes were still blank, but Lee knew she was trying to make him lose control. He wouldn't let her win. He couldn't.

Lee opened his mouth to tell her to go back to her quarters for lunch, but then he remembered she'd already had lunch. There were two hours left in their shift. Two more hours of silent warfare in this office with just him and Kara…he couldn't do it. He had to get out.

"I'll be back." Lee needed some air. He started running as soon as he cleared the hatch. He didn't know where he was going. He just had to get away. He felt like a hundred ants were crawling under his skin. They were eating him alive. Lee ran faster, pushed himself harder. He had to get away.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: CIC_

Half an hour later, Lee still felt shaky as he walked into CIC looking for his father. He'd come too close to losing control. He couldn't afford to let that happen again.

The Admiral was watching DRADIS and talking to Helo when Lee approached. "We're doing the best we can, Helo. That's all we can do."

"I'm just worried, sir," Helo said. "What if we're moving too fast? Pushing too hard?" He shook his head. "I can't help feeling like she's slipping farther and farther away from us."

His father looked down from DRADIS and directly at his sometimes XO. "I trust Dr. West's judgment, Helo."

"I think Helo's right," Lee jumped in.

Both Karl and the Admiral started upon hearing Lee's voice. They turned to face him. The Admiral's eyes narrowed in concern. "Aren't you supposed to be working with Kara?"

Lee fought the urge to fidget under his father's hard stare. He moved forward to stand across from both men and leaned against the table between them. "This isn't working, Admiral. Helo's right. Kara's pulling farther and farther away. She's looking for excuses to shut us out just like she's done Sam."

His father leaned forward and spoke in a low gravely voice. "Then we don't frakkin' give them to her, Major." He paused and glared at his son. "Aren't you supposed to be working with Kara?"

Lee stiffened self-consciously. "She's working through a stack of paperwork in my office. I needed some air."

Helo smiled sympathetically. "She getting to you?"

Lee crossed his arms over his chest and locked his jaw. "Like only Kara can."

Helo shook his head. "Don't I know it. I've wanted to pinch her head off for the last three weeks."

The Admiral frowned. "Kara's always been stubborn. We knew that going in. But we have to push through anyway. I'm not giving up on her."

Lee's mouth dropped open. "Neither am I, Dad! Neither is Helo!" His eyes flashed with determination and he planted his hands on the table and leaned forward again. "Nothing will make me give up on Kara, Dad. Nothing." He slapped his hands against the table for emphasis. "I will not lose her again. I can't. You have no idea what Kara means to me and I can't afford to frak this up. I've seen my life without Kara Thrace in it and it's hollow."

Pausing Lee reached up a shaky hand and massaged his forehead. He tried to pull his emotions under control, but he was fighting a losing battle. His confrontation earlier with Kara had left him too close to the edge. He couldn't take much more of this.

"Lee…"

Lee heard the warning in his father's voice, but he ignored it. A bitter laugh escaped his throat. "Do you have any idea what the last five years have been for me, Dad? Do you?" He speared his father with pain-filled eyes. "For the last five years my life was a frakkin' black hole. There was no light and no stars. Everything inside me had been sucked away the moment I watched her die." He rocked forward. "I WATCHED her die." A sick smile curved Lee's lips but there was no humor in it. "The only reason I even got out of bed in the morning was because you and Roslin are the last great hope of this Fleet and I knew you couldn't handle losing another child." His eyes were dark with remembered pain. "You have no idea how close you came."

After an awkward pause, the Admiral cleared his throat. "I think I'm starting to." He cocked his head to the side and scratched his jaw. "It appears I owe those two cylons even more than I thought. They brought back both of my children."

Lee opened his mouth to reply, but a strangled sound caught his attention. For the first time, he noticed the interest they were gaining from the other crewmembers present. His eyes darted toward the sound and locked on his wife. Lee winced. "Dee…"

Dee jerked at the sound of her name. She turned and hurried out of the room. Lee's first instinct was to follow, but what could he say? It was all true. Lee couldn't bring himself to lie to her anymore. He didn't want to hurt Dee, but he couldn't lie and make it better.

"You're a bastard, Lee Adama," Helo said once he realized Lee didn't plan to follow Dee.

Lee cocked his head to the side in acknowledgement of the truth of Helo's claim. "I am, but if I keep lying to her I'll be even worse."

Helo rolled his eyes. "Well, that's certainly something you and Buck have in common. You both know how to burn your bridges."

An odd smile curled Lee's lips. "Everybody has a skill."

After letting that statement settle for a moment, Lee cleared his expression and straightened his stance. He looked toward his father and was about to jump back into their earlier topic. Then he noticed Saul Tigh approaching them from behind.

Tigh stepped up beside his CO and gave the Admiral a nod. "Bill, I'm here to relieve you." He frowned as he took in the presence of both Helo and Apollo. "Anything interesting happen I should hear about?"

"Uh," Helo said, "we were just discussing the latest developments in Starbuck's treatment, Sir."

Tigh chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, I think that's coming along nicely, don't you?" His good eye twinkled. "She's still a stubborn bitch, but we'll beat her yet."

Helo, Lee, and the Admiral all looked to the Colonel in surprise. The Admiral spoke up first. "Helo and Lee were just expressing their concerns with Dr. West's idea, Saul."

Now Tigh frowned hard and looked from Helo to Apollo. "What are you two whining about? That Dr. West seems to know what she's doing for a shrink. Let her do her job."

"It isn't working," Lee told Tigh angrily.

"Buck's just pulling farther and farther away, Colonel," Helo continued.

A smug smile curved Tigh's lips. "Maybe she's pulling away from you, Captain, but Thrace and I have finally come to an understanding." He paused and chuckled again. "Why just today, Starbuck and I had a pleasant lunch together in the Mess Hall."

Helo couldn't hide his disbelief. "She willingly ate lunch with you in the Mess?" He turned to the Admiral. "Kara's shown no interest every time I've asked for the last week. She just keeps telling me she doesn't care."

"Yep," Tigh crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, "she told me the same damn thing."

Lee frowned. "Then how…"

Tigh grinned and leaned forward. "Why I'm her superior officer, Major. I just ordered her to do it."

Lee's jaw dropped. "You…ordered her?"

"I ordered her," Tigh told them happily. "And what do you know but Thrace went right ahead and complied." He cocked his head the side. "She's such a well-behaved little thing these days."

The Admiral's eyebrows lifted. "Let me get this straight, Saul. You ordered Kara to eat lunch in the Mess Hall with you and she just complied? She didn't show any negative reaction?"

"What reaction?" Tigh pointed out. "She doesn't care, remember? If she doesn't care if she eats in the Mess Hall or not, then why should she show any negative reaction?" He snickered. "I spent the whole hour telling Starbuck just how pleased I was to see her finally learn some discipline. By the time I finished talking, she was stabbing holes through her tray and mad enough to spit nails."

"You're enjoying this," Lee realized in disbelief.

Tigh grinned from ear to ear. "It was everything I could do not to order her to jump up and down on one foot and hop in a circle. A Starbuck who obeys is an experience I intend to cherish for the short time it lasts."

Lee wanted to be angry on Kara's behalf. He wanted to snap at Tigh for not showing Kara more respect, but then he realized something. His lips twitched and he looked at his father. "I'm Kara's superior officer, too. She has to obey me."

The Admiral sighed. He nodded reluctantly. "Just don't go overboard."

"Doesn't help me any," Helo said, "I'm her equal, not her superior."

Tigh couldn't seem to stop grinning. He shrugged and looked at the Admiral. "So bust her back down to Lieutenant for the time being, Bill. After all," he drawled sarcastically, "she doesn't care."

Lee was surprised to realize his father was actually considering the idea. The Admiral nodded to Helo. "Let me think about it. We'll come up with something."

Lee took that as his cue to leave. "Admiral," he nodded to his father, "Colonel," he nodded to Tigh, "I need to go find my wife and get back to Kara."

Tigh shook his head as he watched Lee go. "And if that statement doesn't sum it all up nicely."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: The CAG's Office_

When Lee reentered his office his mood was troubled. His brief conversation with Dee had not gone well. She'd threatened to leave him unless he stayed to talk over their issues. Lee had known bringing up Kara would not have been a good idea so he simply reminded her that he had to finish his shift. He had promised to return soon, but Lee didn't believe Dee had been satisfied. He wouldn't be surprised to find his quarters half-empty upon his return. Even worse, he didn't think he would care one way or the other. His marriage was a disaster.

Kara didn't even look up as he stepped through the hatch. She had her head buried in a folder.

Lee avoided looking at her. He still felt too on edge. The information he'd gained in CIC gave him hope, but he'd been riding such emotional highs and lows of late that he didn't trust himself. He rounded his desk and took a seat. He had almost thirty minutes to finish next week's flight schedule.

Lee reached for the chart and grabbed a pen. Then he looked down and froze. He stared in amazement at the finished schedule. What the frak? His eyes jumped back and forth across the sheet. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was done. He could see one mistake that needed to be corrected, but the frakker was done.

Lee's eyes snapped to Kara. She was still reading. "Did you do this?"

Kara shrugged, but didn't answer. She flipped a page and bit her lip as she started at the top of the next one.

She'd done it. She'd finished the flight schedule. But how? She didn't even know most of the pilots.

Then Lee realized something. He hadn't given her any folders to go through. His eyes narrowed on the one currently held in Kara's hands and then on the stack of folders resting on his desk. They were sitting neatly in a pile next to the finished paperwork, which he had assigned her. Lee recognized the folders. They were personnel files. She must have started reading through them to help her piece together the schedule.

Lee couldn't help it. A smile curled his lips. "You know, Kara, personnel files are supposed to be off limits to anyone ranked below the CAG." He paused and threw a rueful look toward the file cabinet. "Not to mention, I know my files were locked."

Kara opened her mouth, but Lee waved her off. "No, let me guess," this time he wasn't bothered by her carefully blank expression, "you don't care."

Lee could've sworn Kara's lips twitched at the corners, but then she was looking back down at the file. Lee picked up his pen and corrected the flight schedule. "And you made a mistake, by the way. Obviously you skipped the files of the pilots you remembered, but there've been some changes in the last five years."

Kara looked up from the folder despite herself.

Lee grinned. "Hotdog can't fly CAP in the mornings anymore, Kara, he's the flight instructor now. That's when he's teaching the new nuggets." Kara eyes widened and Lee nodded. "Yep, Hotdog the flight instructor. Of course," Lee cocked his head to the side and paused for effect, "the nuggets call him god."

And Lee had the distinct pleasure of seeing Kara Thrace's mouth drop wide open. He threw back his head and laughed.

* * *

**End of Chapter **


	18. Half Life Seventeen

Title: Half Life - 17/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 5/15/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Most likely Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2434  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Sorry for the wait. My house got struck by lightning on Friday night and blew out the power source in my computer. I didn't get it fixed until Sunday night. I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker. This is unbetaed because I was in such a hurry. Hope there aren't too many mistakes.

This chapter deals more with plot than a lot of the ones before. I'm still dealing with Kara's recovery (that's the main theme of the story), but I'm trying to work in some side themes as well. Hope you enjoy it.

Feedback? PLEASE?

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

_Three weeks later…_

Kara studied the flight schedule with a frown. She had two holes left to fill. One was a morning CAP with Racetrack, her ECO Wrecker, and two viper pilots Punky and Blue Eyes. Kara cleared her expression and looked up at Lee. "0600 CAP with Track, Wrecker, Punky, and Blue Eyes."

Lee looked up from his paperwork with a smirk. He always smirked when she needed help. Kara fought back a scowl and refused to show any expression, but Lee grinned anyway. "Try to work in Witch. She's best friends with Punky. They work well together."

That might work. Kara bit her lip and looked back down at the schedule. She could pull Witch from the next CAP, fill the new hole with Narcho, move Fluffy to Narcho's slot and give her an extra CAP to fill the last hole the next day. Fluffy would have an extra CAP for the week, but in Kara's opinion anyone with the callsign Fluffy deserved an extra CAP or two. Kara flipped her pencil and started making the corrections. She grinned without realizing it.

Lee discreetly watched Kara and smiled. She was slipping. Little by little that Starbuck attitude was shining through when no one was watching. Their patience and determination had paid off and Kara was slowly coming back to them.

Jerking his eyes back to his paperwork, Lee feigned surprise when Kara tossed the finished flight schedule on his desk. He sat his evals aside and picked up the schedule. He didn't expect to find any mistakes, but he rubbed his chin and studied the schedule carefully anyway. A grin tugged at the corner of his lips as two specific CAP shifts caught his attention. "1400 CAP with Hotdog, Thug, Mouth, Bunny and Thor?" he asked first.

Lt. Michael 'Thug' Vance and Lt. Andy 'Mouth' Lawrence despised each other. They fought about anything and everything. Lee knew for a fact there were several disciplinary forms in each of their folders. Then there was Bunny and her ECO Thor. Lieutenant Emma 'Bunny' Queens was a bimbo who would try the patience of a high priestess. She had a bad rep that she'd earned by accidentally venting the cabin of her raptor during flight training and flushing herself and Racetrack out into space. Her ECO Thor was okay, but he was unusually quiet on CAP and he hated Bunny. That would be the CAP from hell. Kara was still punishing Hotdog for stealing her line.

Of course, she stared blankly back at Lee as he confronted her. "It fit."

Lee chuckled and looked at the second CAP shift. "0200 CAP with Dumbo, GoGo, Echo, and Queen?"

Ens. Matilda 'GoGo' Crunk never shut up, Ens. Jackie 'Echo' Davis never spoke, and Lt. Caitlin 'Queen' Walsh was a bitchy former Tauron beauty queen who hated them both. With the added bonus of a CAP time of 0200 hours in the morning, Dumbo would be lucky to come back alive.

Kara shrugged. "It fit."

Lee would bet fifty cubits and his last cigar Kara built the whole frakkin' schedule around those two CAPs. He shook his head and sat the finished schedule in the pile of paperwork he would be delivering to Tigh after his shift. "Contrary to popular belief, Starbuck, the purpose of the flight schedule is not to fulfill your twisted irrational need for revenge."

Kara ignored him. She sat forward and started rifling through the folders on his desk. Her eyes lit up briefly as she found what she was looking for and sat back. Lee smirked as he realized she was reading through Hotdog's latest progress reports on the nuggets. She just couldn't help herself. Lee decided not to mention it. He turned his attention back to his paperwork.

An hour later, Lee finished filling in the last sheet and sat the finished stack of paperwork aside. He leaned back in his chair and smiled as he looked at Kara. She was frowning and making a note in the Nugget folder. Technically she wasn't supposed to do that, but Lee had no intention of reprimanding her. At least she was showing interest in something again. Besides, Hotdog's idea of a good progress report was filling Lee in on everyone's love life and personality quirks. Lee knew more about who the nuggets were frakking than he did about their flying abilities. Thankfully Lee had learned over the years that Hotdog could be trusted not to pass anyone who couldn't hack it. Lee didn't even bother to read the progress reports anymore.

Kara rolled her eyes and scribbled something in the margin. Lee grinned and decided he would go back and check the new progress reports after all. Somehow he thought Kara's insights might be worth a laugh.

Then Kara looked up and caught him staring. Her face blanked. Lee picked a subject of conversation out of thin air to break the awkward stillness that followed. "I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but we're almost back on the road to Earth now, Kara."

Kara shrugged and looked back down. The search for Earth didn't interest her. The location would be revealed in its time.

Lee took a deep breath and kept talking. "Shortly after we…lost you…we jumped off track." He frowned. "There was a lot of chaos in the Fleet at the time. Baltar was on trial. My father and I were grieving and butting heads. It was a bad time for everyone."

The memories of that dark time still weighed upon Lee. He'd been so lost, so hollow, and no one had understood. One by one, Lee had seen the people he loved turning away from him. Kara died and left him, his father had believed him a coward with no integrity, he'd sacrificed his friendship with the President, even Dee left him for a time because she couldn't understand what he was fighting for. Everyone had turned away from him. Lee had felt like he'd lost everything…like his world had fallen apart. All he could do was keep fighting for that one last thing he'd believed in…and even that victory had been hollow without Kara to share it with.

Not that Kara would've been overjoyed to see him save Gaius Balter's life. Just imagining her reaction brought a grin to Lee's lips. She probably would've thrown something very hard at his head. But somehow Lee knew Kara wouldn't have abandoned him. She would've raged and screamed and pitched a fit, but Kara wouldn't have turned her back on him. Kara stood by her friends, even when she wanted to kill them. Maybe that was why her friends were so determined to stand by her.

Shaking himself, Lee continued talking. "The President believed we were being led to the next signpost to Earth. We were jumps away from a nebula that was believed to hold the next clue. Then we realized the Cylons had found a way of tracking us." Lee picked up his pen and started rolling it through his fingers. "Dad came up with a plan to throw them off. We sent a group of raptors to scout the nebula then deliberately jumped in the wrong direction to lead away the Cylons. We corrected the radiation leak they were tracking and then returned for the raptors."

"They didn't find anything," Kara said without looking up.

Lee fumbled the pen and it fell to his desk. He sat up and looked at Kara. "They didn't find anything," he echoed.

Kara shrugged. "There was nothing to find."

Lee's eyes narrowed. "Kara?" She still didn't look up. "Kara!" Finally she looked up and met his eyes. "How do you know that?"

Kara shrugged. "I know."

Lee's heart raced. For the first time he began to wonder just what it was that Kara did know. How much did she know? And how did she know? "What else do you know, Kara? Can you tell me?"

Kara frowned. She didn't want to talk about this. There was no point. Why couldn't they see? Why couldn't they understand?

"Kara?"

Knowing Lee, she had to tell him something. He was a persistent little frakker when he wanted to be. Kara closed her eyes and tried to find the words to make him understand. She reached deep within herself and spoke as they came to her. "It wasn't time. Everything happens in its time. The path was laid down, the pilgrimage planned, but the chosen one was stolen before the gods could take her. She reached the doorway, it was opened, but she never passed through. The false ones interfered and she never saw what lay between life and death. She was to be the sign. Her return was to herald a new dawn, a new beginning. She was to be the sign."

Her eyes opened and they were so deep that Lee thought he might drown in them. He wondered if he was even listening to Kara. A peaceful smile curved her lips. "I was to be the sign."

Lee's mouth went dry. He didn't believe in the gods. How many times had he said those words? He many times had he declared that? But sitting here listening to Kara…his Kara, he knew she was telling the truth. He had to believe. Lee still didn't know if he believed in the gods, he didn't even know if he wanted to, but he did believe in Kara. "You're the chosen one."

She nodded. "I'm the chosen one."

Lee sat back in his chair and blew out a loud breath. He shook his head and ran his hands over his face. This was unreal. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Then some of her words…something started to make sense. His hands dropped and Lee stared at Kara wide-eyed. "You were supposed to die." His heart beat so loudly that his chest ached and blood rushed in his ears. "The gods were supposed to take you. You were supposed to die."

"No!" Kara rolled her eyes. She'd dropped the blank mask entirely now. Apparently seeing his distress was more than she could take. She leaned forward and locked her eyes with his. "Between life and death, Lee. Not death. Between."

That didn't make him feel any better. How exactly did you get between life and death? You had to leave life, right? And where could you go from there except to death?

But Kara said she was supposed to be the sign. She was supposed to come back. Lee could feel his hands starting to shake. They were supposed to find Kara in that nebula five years ago. If the frakking Cylons had left her alone…those mother-frakking toasters, worthless synthetic pieces of shit…

"LEE!"

Kara was standing up now. She reached out a hand like she wanted to touch him, but jerked it back. She scowled. Her hands clenched into fists and Lee could see the tears welling in her eyes. She was shaking and her eyes pleaded with Lee. He was upsetting her.

Lee forced himself to take slow deep breaths. He closed his eyes and forced all of that out-of-control emotion into an empty room in his mind. He slammed the door. He had to be in control. He had to calm down. He opened his eyes. "It's okay, Kara. I'm fine," he told her.

Kara slowly calmed down as he did, but Lee could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't convinced. She retook her seat and continued to stare at him with her hands clenched together in her lap.

Lee wanted to reassure Kara further, but his mind was spinning in a hundred different directions. He hadn't told her everything. Lee hadn't told her that they were going back. They'd been off track for over five years, but the Colonial Fleet was finally going back to the beginning. They were ten jumps away from the Ionian Nebula and they were looking, once again, for that next signpost to Earth. And no one knew that signpost was sitting right across from him.

A knot of unease grew in Lee's stomach as he wondered exactly what would happen when they took Kara into that nebula. What if the gods weren't done with her yet? What if they tried to take her again?

Lee pushed to his feet. He wouldn't let it happen. They couldn't have her. She was back now and nothing was taking her away from them again. He would fight for Kara. They all would.

Hoping he didn't upset her again, Lee took a deep breath and faced Kara. "We have to go, Kara. We have to tell Dad."

Kara made a face and rolled her eyes and Lee realized she wasn't afraid at all. Somehow that made it more bearable. If Kara could handle it, so could he. He smiled at her sour expression. "Get up, Kara. You've got a long explanation ahead of you. It's gonna be a fun night."

Kara threw him a crude gesture and climbed to her feet. She slowly made her way toward the hatch.

Lee chuckled as he followed after her. "Well, that's what happens when you start speaking scripture, Kara. You might want to work on that."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	19. Half Life Eighteen

Title: Half Life - 18/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 5/23/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…3353  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: I keep trying to get the next chapter out quicker and it just ain't happening. Life is working against me. My computer hates me and the feeling is becoming mutual.

Anyway, I finally got this one finished and I hope you enjoy it. There's some more side plot development in here and some more humor. I'm trying to keep the story from getting too heavy. I guess the point I was trying to bring across is that even when these extreme things are happening around them, the characters are still doing normal things as well. They're still eating dinner with their friends and picking at each other. What would be the point of living if you didn't have those little things that made it all worthwhile? I know, they tend to keep things dark and depressing on the show, but I just can't keep that up forever.

I'm back in school for summer semester next Wednesday and I'll try to get the next chapter out before then. Your reviews are a great motivation. I don't want to disappoint anybody reading the story by leaving you hanging. So, PLEASE let me know what you think. I really do appreciate every review.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

_Location: Colonial One_

"Out of the question!" President Laura Roslin paced back and forth and fumed at the two stubborn men she was arguing with. "It is completely out of the question! We can talk about plans of action, we can talk about increased security measures, but we will NOT talk about bypassing that nebula altogether." She spun back to face the Admiral and his son. Her eyes flashed fire. "The next signpost on our journey to Earth is in that nebula and this fleet desperately needs to locate Earth."

Lee surged to his feet and glared down the President. "The next signpost to Earth is sitting right there!" He pointed to Kara. Then the words registered in Lee's brain. He shook his head. "I can't believe I just said that."

Kara rolled her eyes at the attention she was getting. She picked at the fingernail on her pointer finger. The edge was sharp and it was driving her crazy. Kara stuck it in her mouth and tried to get a grip on it with her teeth.

"And you are not helping!" Lee growled at her.

Kara rolled her eyes again. She cocked her head to the side and a mocking smile curved her lips. "And the chosen one shall lead them home, a beacon of hope, of light, of a new day."

"Aurora," the Admiral realized. He looked to the President. "Laura, you were there. Don't you remember?" She frowned and he continued. "Right before we lost Kara, she gave me an idol to use on my ship. Kara gave me Aurora."

President Roslin's lips drew into a hard line. She opened her mouth to fire another angry statement at those stubborn Adamas, but common sense stopped her. Anger wasn't getting her anywhere. Taking a deep breath, Laura sat down next to the Admiral and turned to face him. She held her hands out before her in a silent plea. "Bill, I'm not debating Captain Thrace's claim of being the chosen one. I have suspected something of that nature since her miraculous return. But we cannot…" she leaned forward and rested her hands on the Admiral's knee, "we CANNOT alter the course laid down by the gods. It is by their will that we will locate Earth. We cannot afford to thwart their plans."

The Admiral frowned. He looked away from Laura's imploring expression. "I won't sacrifice Kara, Laura. There has to be another way."

The President ground her teeth together. "We have no reason to believe that sacrificing Captain Thrace will be necessary. The scriptures clearly indicate the chosen one will play an active role in locating Earth."

"What if she's also the dying leader?" Lee questioned. He felt the urge to panic rise up within him again. If the scriptures were true, if the gods were using Kara as their tool, then how could he protect her? Lee balled his hands into fists. He could feel his fingernails biting into his palms. He didn't want any of this to be true. He didn't want the scriptures to be true. Frak Earth! Frak the gods! He wouldn't give them Kara. They couldn't have her.

Kara glared at Lee. His dramatics were starting to give her a headache. "I am not the dying leader."

President Roslin's smile was sad, "I believe it's clear, Major Adama, that distinction belongs to me."

An awkward silence filled the cabin. Lee looked away as his father turned to the President with obvious concern. "Is there something I should be made aware of?"

Lee wished he were anywhere but here. He and Roslin had made their peace years ago, but things would never be the same. He would never be her Captain Apollo again and he didn't feel right listening to her personal confessions. He walked over to sit beside Kara.

Laura shook her head. Her expression was resigned. "I have an appointment tomorrow with Major Cottle. He's going to run a few tests. It's all routine."

The Admiral laid his hand on top of Laura's where it rested on his leg. "Then…"

"It's back, Bill," Laura interrupted. Her eyes were bright, but she forced a smile anyway. "I can feel it. It's back." She took a moment to compose herself, but then turned to face Major Adama. "So you see, Lee, I can say with some authority that Captain Thrace will not bear the burdensome title of the dying leader." Laura stood and straightened her jacket. She cleared her throat. "And that is also why I know that we must not bypass the Ionian nebula. The sign is there and we will find it." Her smile wavered slightly and her voice shook with emotion. "We are back on the path, everything is as it should be. It's a bittersweet realization, I can assure you."

The Admiral stood to face her. "We won't sacrifice you either, Laura."

A broken laugh escaped the President's throat. "I don't think you have a choice, Bill."

As his father tried to comfort the President, Lee turned to look at Kara. He couldn't watch them. Kara was smirking at him. He frowned. "What? What about this situation is amusing, Kara? She could die." His eyes flashed. "YOU could die! Don't you understand that? Don't you care?" Lee knew he was being irrational. He knew Kara wasn't belittling the President's pain. But he needed to strike out at someone, to be mad at someone, and being mad at Kara was a hard habit to break.

Kara glared right back. "The gods will not be thwarted. What will be will be. I am their tool, through no will of my own. My life has been a maelstrom of pain to serve their will. Do not begin to think you know what I do and do not understand, Apollo." Pushing to her feet, Kara walked toward the Admiral and the President. She waited for them to pull apart and acknowledge her before speaking. "The nebula cannot be avoided. That which was foretold will come to pass. The pieces are already in motion. It has begun." She turned and left the cabin.

The President and the Admiral shared a rueful look in the wake of her departure. Roslin gave a reluctant laugh. "I believe this new side to Captain Thrace is going to take some getting used to."

"The speaking in scripture?" the Admiral questioned.

"And the haughty all-knowing attitude," Laura agreed.

Lee snorted as he climbed to his feet and prepared to follow Kara. "Do you know Starbuck, Madam President?" His smile was self-deprecating. "That attitude isn't new. She just uses prettier words now." He nodded to his father and Roslin before taking his leave.

Roslin grinned. "Couldn't the gods have chosen someone a bit more…"

"Malleable?" the Admiral smiled back.

Roslin's expression was reproving. "I was going to say amiable."

The Admiral gave a husky chuckle as he leaned forward to plant an affectionate kiss on Laura's cheek. "Of course you were."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Mess Hall_

"So the President accepts that Kara's the chosen one?" Helo asked between bites of processed algae. His wife sat on his left, Apollo sat directly across from him, and a glowering Kara sat next to Apollo.

Lee shrugged as he reluctant cut up his own algae. "The signs have been there since Kara's return. Kara's story makes sense. With the Ionian nebula within reach again, it looks like all the pieces are finally falling into place."

"I still can't wrap my head around Kara being a messenger from god," Athena said.

"Gods," Kara corrected from her seat directly across from Athena. Athena smirked and Kara shot her a crude hand gesture.

Athena waved fork in Kara's direction. "And you're going to have to lose that habit before I let you anywhere near my daughter." She shook her head. "Hera's already picked up enough bad habits from living among the colorful Galactica crew. She doesn't need to add Aunt Buck's vulgar sign language to the list."

Kara shot Helo an evil grin. Helo groaned. "Great, Sharon. Give her ideas, why don't you?"

Athena glared at Kara. "You're not corrupting my daughter."

Kara just kept grinning.

Helo jumped in before Athena could dig herself a deeper hole. "What did the Admiral and the President decide, Apollo?"

That wiped the grin off Kara's face. She turned her attention back to jabbing at her algae with her fork.

Lee shrugged. "We're not going to avoid the nebula, but we'll be implementing increased security measures." He motioned to Kara. "The chosen one here is going to lose all her privacy privileges for the time being. There'll be a marine guard on Kara 24/7." Then he noticed what she was doing to her food. He frowned. "Kara, eat the food."

She threw him a hand gesture.

Lee cocked his head to the side and a sarcastic smile curved his lips. "Captain Thrace, I am ordering you to eat your food." Kara's glare was lethal. Lee grinned and shrugged. "You may be the chosen one, Starbuck, but I'm still your superior officer. Eat up."

Kara stabbed a piece of algae so hard the fork made a clanging sound as it hit the tray beneath it. Keeping her angry eyes locked on Lee, she flipped the fork up and pulled the piece of algae off with her teeth. She made a dramatic show of chewing the food with her mouth open and swallowing before stabbing another bite.

Athena snorted. "You're also not coming anywhere near my daughter until you're table trained."

Kara looked from Athena's grin, to the piece of algae speared on her fork, and back again. Her eyebrows lifted in challenge.

Athena's grin just widened. "Major Adama, Starbuck's threatening me."

"Kara eat!" Lee ordered. "Athena, stop taunting the chosen one."

Kara's mouth fell open. She glared at Lee. Helo and Athena burst into laughter. Lee joined in a moment later upon seeing Kara's expression. Kara crossed her arms over her chest and glared death at all three of them.

Someone cleared their throat loudly behind Lee and Kara and brought the bought of laughter to a close. Helo's expression turned concerned. Athena's was carefully neutral. Lee took a deep breath and turned to face the new arrival. Kara didn't even bother. She recognized the voice and felt no desire to acknowledge its owner.

Lee stiffened. "What can I help you with, Dee?" His eyes warned her not to make a scene. Dee was under direct orders from the Admiral not to approach or have any contact with Kara.

Dee's eyes snapped at Lee. How dare he treat her like a misbehaving child? She was his wife! "We need to talk, Lee. It's been three weeks. We need to resolve this."

Lee's eyes darted to Kara. "It'll have to wait, Dee. I'm under orders to guard Kara until my father can work something out with Sergeant Richards."

Now Dee looked confused. Her eyebrows drew together and she pursed her lips. "Why does Starbuck need a guard? Did she attack someone else?"

Kara ground her teeth together. She picked up her fork and started twirling it through her fingers. She hadn't attacked anyone else…yet.

Athena snorted with laughter but tried to cover it with a cough. Helo kicked her under the table. Here he was mentally telling Kara to take deep breaths and remain calm because killing humans was bad and Athena thought this was funny!

Lee's expression was a mixture of guilt and stubborn determination. "I'm not at liberty to discuss that, Dee. It's classified."

That had Athena snorting again. Dee's eyes narrowed on the raptor pilot. "You told the cylon and you won't tell me?"

"Hey!" Helo objected.

"Athena is a part of Kara's support group, Dee," Lee tried to take control of the situation before things turned ugly, "you're not. Obviously she will be apprised of certain classified information that affects Kara's treatment."

"And I like the cylon better," Kara drawled.

Athena started to smile but winced instead as her husband kicked her again. She threw Helo a pointed look. "Do you like sleeping in our bunk, Karl?"

Kara chuckled.

"Lee," Dee ignored Kara and stepped closer to her husband, "I know you're dedicated to helping Kara, but this is our marriage." She held out her hands and waited until Lee took them. Kara watched the exchange out of the corner of her eye. Dee squeezed Lee's hands and rubbed her thumbs back and forth in a slow even motion. "You have to meet me half way, Lee. We need to talk. We need some time alone."

Lee's jaw clenched even though he knew Dee was right. They hadn't spoken in weeks. Dee was pulling double shifts in CIC just to avoid him and he'd made no effort to confront her about it. Something had to give. One way or another, this stalemate had to end. But Lee couldn't help resenting the fact that Dee chose now to make her stand. Discussing their problems in front of Helo, Athena, and even worse Kara, was not acceptable. The timing seemed a little too convenient.

Lee pulled back his hands. "I'll be in our quarters tonight. Meet me there and we can talk."

Dee frowned, not satisfied. "Can't Helo and Athena guard Kara for the Admiral?" She looked at the Agathons.

Helo might have agreed, but Lee shook his head. "No, they can't. My father entrusted Kara into my care and I won't let him down. Besides, Helo and Athena have a daughter to take care of."

Dee wasn't happy with that answer, but she pursed her lips and nodded. "I guess I'll have to settle for whatever time you can give me then, Lee. I'll see you tonight." She left.

Kara pushed her chair back. It scrapped loudly against the floor. She stood up and jerked her tray off the table. She glared at Lee and fought the urge to dump what was left of her algae on his arrogant head. "I am not a child. I do not need a babysitter." She stormed off to dump her tray.

Lee's mouth hung open as he watched her go. He shook his head. "She just completely missed the point. I'm not trying to baby-sit her. I refuse to give in to Dee's emotional manipulation."

"She's Starbuck," Athena smirked. "You have to talk slow and use small words to get through that thick skull."

Helo leaned back in his chair and laughed. "You have my sympathies, Apollo. You've really managed to piss Buck off now."

Bowing his head, Lee rubbed his fingers over his eyes and nose. He took a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet. "Well, dinner was nice for the most part," he told the Agathons. "We'll have to do this again." Once again, he followed after Kara. This was becoming a habit.

Helo smiled and turned to Athena once Lee was gone. "Have I mentioned lately how glad I am I fell in love with you and not Kara?"

Athena laughed and elbowed her husband in the side. "She would've eaten you alive."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Dr. Laney West's Quarters_

Kara was still furious as she stomped through the hatch into Laney's quarters. She ordered Lee to wait outside and slammed the hatch in his face. She found Laney sitting on her couch and reading a book.

The psychiatrist looked up in surprise at Kara's hasty arrival, but calmly sat her book aside and motioned for the blonde to take a seat. "I know we're scheduled for a session with the Admiral and the President tomorrow morning, Kara, but you seem very…" she paused and looked Kara over amused, "agitated. Is this visit regarding your status as the chosen one?" Laney doubted it, but she had to ask.

Kara rolled her eyes. She refused Laney's offer of a seat and started pacing back and forth. Her mind was too full of emotions. She was angry and hurt and confused. She had to do something! She couldn't take this anymore. She had to tell someone.

Lee was standing outside in the hallway. He was standing out there and waiting until the Admiral sent a marine so he could ditch her and go spend some good quality alone time with Dee. Kara knew that she shouldn't care. She knew that Dee was Lee's wife and he was committed to her, but she hated it!

Kara just kept seeing a flashback of that frakkin' scene over and over again in her head. She saw Dee touching Lee. She saw Lee holding Dee's hands. She couldn't stand it! Dee could touch Lee whenever she wanted and Kara hated her for it. It wasn't fair!

"Kara?" Laney called her name softly as Kara paused in her pacing and stared off into space. "Kara, you know you can tell me anything. I'm here to help you. Kara, what happened? What's bothering you?"

Kara's head snapped in Laney's direction. Her eyes locked with the other woman's. "If I tell you something, something…bad…can you promise me that you won't tell anyone? Not even the Admiral?"

Laney bit her lip. There was always that pesky doctor-patient confidentiality, but could Laney in good conscience make that promise? Could she keep vital information from the Admiral? Laney answered Kara in the best way she could. "I promise you I will not reveal anything you don't want me to, as long as the information does not endanger anyone in the Fleet." She hoped that Kara would understand. "I will not keep silent if it puts someone at risk."

Kara rolled her eyes and waved her hand. "Whatever." She faced Laney and her eyes turned grim. "You won't tell anyone."

Laney nodded. "I give you my word."

Kara walked forward and took the open chair facing Laney. She drew in a deep breath and blew it out before she began speaking. "When I touch people, when they touch me, something happens…something bad."

A shiver ran down Laney's spine, but she was careful to hide it. Finally…finally…they were getting somewhere.

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	20. Half Life Nineteen

Title: Half Life - 19/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 5/29/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, but not anytime soon. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…3014  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Yay! I got my chapter finished before going back to school tomorrow. I probably could've gotten it posted yesterday, but my family went to the river for the holiday. Family comes first. And honestly? That was probably a good thing. The angst bunny decided to make a spectacular return this chapter and who wants angst on their holiday?

This chapter marks the end of the second section of the story. We're moving into the third and final section. I hope you enjoy the chapter and feedback is deeply appreciated. PLEASE let me know what you think. Does everything make sense? Is everyone in character? Am I a horrible, horrible person? Feedback feeds the muse, you know. It's a documented fact.

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

_Location: Admiral Adama's Quarters_

"And there's nothing more you can tell us?" President Laura Roslin tried to suppress her impatience with the stoic woman sitting before her. They'd been at this for three hours and the answers to all their questions came back sounding the same. Laura didn't feel like they were getting anywhere and her frustration was mounting. "No other clue or hint? No other scripture reference?"

Kara opened her mouth to snap at Roslin, but a reproving look from Dr. West had her thinking better of it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It doesn't work that way. I know what I know. What will be will be. The information isn't filed away in some folder in my brain. I'm not a frakkin' toaster. The gods will unfold their plans in their own time. I am simply their tool."

"But the Ionian nebula plays a role? We can't bypass it?" Admiral Adama questioned.

Kara shook her head. "We must follow the path."

"But you can't tell us anything more about this path?" Roslin pushed.

The Admiral correctly read the mutinous expression on Kara's face. He stepped between the President and his daughter and held out his hands. "That's enough of this for now. Kara's told us everything she can. We can either accept it or move on and find our own way." He could tell Laura wanted to protest. An affectionate smile curved his lips. "Now isn't the time for doubt, Madam President. We have to have faith."

President Roslin smiled back despite herself. "Can I get that in writing, Admiral?"

A husky chuckle escaped the Admiral's throat. "I'm afraid not. Plausible deniability." He held out his hand to Laura and helped her stand. Keeping her hand clasped in his, the Admiral stroked her skin with his thumb. "Besides, I believe we have an appointment to keep with Major Cottle."

Roslin's smile waved slightly. "We?"

Admiral Adama gave a small nod. "There's nowhere else I'd be."

Noticing the Admiral's glance in Kara's direction, Roslin squeezed his hand and walked toward the hatch giving the Admiral a moment with Kara.

The Admiral waited for Kara to stand before addressing her. "I know this is hard for you, Kara." His eyes drifted to Roslin's position by the hatch. "It's hard for her, too. She's feels like delivering this Fleet to Earth is her responsibility."

"It is," Kara said. The Admiral's eyes jerked back to Kara. She shrugged. "It's our burden to bear. Mine," she nodded to the Admiral, "yours," and to Roslin, "and hers."

The Admiral mulled that information over for a moment. Finally he nodded. "I guess it is." He started to reach out to grasp Kara's shoulder, but stopped himself as he remembered. He smiled at her gently instead. "This is all new to us, Kara. We're not handling it as well as you are. Just try to be patient," his eyes twinkled, "I know it's not in your nature."

Kara smiled back. As the Admiral turned to leave, Kara noticed the expression on Dr. West's face. She glowered at the psychiatrist. "What?"

Laney shook her head as she stepped up beside Kara. "Your gift will only be your cage for as long as you allow it."

Their conversation from the night before replayed in Kara's head. The psychiatrist had not reacted as Kara had expected. Laney insisted that Kara could turn this curse into a gift, that her family would love her anyway, that Kara had created a false image of herself during her Cylon captivity and that only through trusting her loved ones and giving them a chance to accept her as she was could she wash away that false image and be free.

Kara scowled.

Laney chuckled lightly and shook her head at her patient's unrelenting stubbornness. "I'm just saying, think about it. Think about trusting someone, Kara, about giving them a chance. If they won't love you for who you are, they aren't worth loving."

Shadows filled Kara's eyes and she looked at her feet. "You say that very easily, Dr. West."

Laney smiled from ear to ear. "That's because I know your family, Captain Thrace, and they're worth it."

- - - - - - - - - -

Kara was seething as she stalked down the hallway toward the CAG's office. The object of her ire walked exactly two steps behind her. Corporal Cainewood was Kara's newly assigned babysitter. Corporal Cainewood, apparently known as Caine to his marine buddies, refused to back the frak off and give Kara some space. If he accidentally bumped into her one more time, Kara was going to shove him out the nearest airlock. Not like anyone would miss a frakkin' jarhead anyway.

Kara made a sharp turn at the next corner and froze. Her eyes narrowed on the familiar face of Saul Tigh and her mind raced to accept what she was seeing. A blow to the back had Kara stumbling a few steps forward.

"Sorry, Captain," Corporal Caine mumbled.

Kara gritted her teeth and dug her fingernails into her palms. Caine had to go.

"Frakkin' music," Saul Tigh cursed as he held his ear next to the bulkhead. He squinted his good eye and thumped his hand against the wall. "Frakkin' music's back." He pulled away from the wall and glared at it. "I know I'm not crazy this time, you stupid frakkers, and so does Bill. We're gonna find you!" He pressed his ear back up against the wall.

Caine cleared his throat. "Should we…uh…notify the Admiral?"

Kara's eyebrows shot up and she cocked her head to the side. "About what?" She spun on her heel and started walking in the opposite direction. She wasn't even touching that one yet. They were still several jumps away from the nebula. Tigh would have to hold himself together until then.

Working her way backward, Kara picked an alternate route that would still get her to Lee's office. She was late for her shift, but it couldn't be helped. She hoped Lee left her next week's flight schedule. There was a new combination she wanted to try. Apparently Fluffy had a voice shrill enough to break glass. Kara wondered how Hotdog would enjoy CAP with Fluffy, Hothead, Bunny and Thor.

"Kara!"

Wincing, Kara tried to ignore the voice calling her name and keep walking. She didn't want to deal with this right now…or ever.

"Damn it, Starbuck, stop!"

Reluctantly Kara stopped. She slowly turned around to face the owner of the voice. She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm late for shift."

Lt. Samuel T. Anders rolled his eyes at his first wife. "Somehow I think Apollo can hold out a few more minutes, Kara. We need to talk."

Kara wanted to tell him no. She still had problems dealing with Sam. Sam was all about emotion and he set Kara on edge. He also made her feel guilty and angry all at the same time. She knew she couldn't love him like he needed to be loved, that they couldn't be together, but finding herself replaced by a pretty little redhead did not a happy Kara make. She'd perfected the art of avoiding him over the last few months.

"Kara, please."

Sam looked like hell. His hair was a mess, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his hands were shaking. He looked…tormented and that decided it for her. Kara knew all about fighting your demons. Sam had bigger demons than even he understood.

Kara led them to an empty storage room. She ordered Caine to wait outside and closed the hatch. "Talk."

Sam started pacing. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't do this anymore, Kara. I can't deal with it. You have to stop avoiding me."

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the wall. She would've felt guilty for Sam's pain, but she knew this wasn't about her. "I'm not your wife, Sam. I can't be your wife anymore."

"I know that!" Sam yelled. Then he stopped pacing rubbed his eyes. "I get that, Kara. I do. I just…" his eyes were frantic as they met hers, "I need you in my life, Kara. I'm better when you're a part of my life."

Kara tried to understand what he was telling her. "You want to be friends?"

"Yes," Sam nodded. He took a step toward her and reached for her hand, but Kara jerked it away. Sam winced and held his hands up in the sign for surrender. "Sorry. I forgot."

Clearing her throat, Kara stepped away from the wall. "Why do you want to be friends, Sam? What's your motive?" She needed to understand exactly where Sam was coming from. Could she trust him? Where was this going?

Sam completely misunderstood her concern. He waved his hand in the air. "I'm not trying to get back in your pants, Kara. Trust me, I don't need any more lovers. This isn't about frakking. This is about…" Sam's eyes went distant. He cocked his head to the side and stared at the wall. "This is about survival…about staying sane. It's about what's really important."

"And what is really important?" Kara wondered to herself.

"Identity," Sam answered. Now his eyes were fierce and full of determination. "Knowing who you are and being able to live with it. Being the person you choose to be and not just some pawn for others to control."

Kara's heart clenched in her chest. Was it that simple? Could it be? Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't know if that's possible, Sammy."

Sam took another step toward her. He planted his hands against the wall on either side of Kara's head and leaned as close to her as he could without touching. "It has to be, Kara. It has to."

Kara felt the tears escape to roll down her cheeks. She nodded. "We can do this, Sammy. We have to."

A genuine smile curved Sam's lips as he stared into his Kara's eyes. She would always be just a little bit his. He would never give that up. "You can do anything, Kara, don't you know that? You're my hero."

Kara held his gaze. "I'm your friend, Sam, and I'm making the choice to believe in you." She reached out a hand and stroked the air beside his cheek as if to caress him. "Don't make me regret it."

"Never," Sam promised. "I need you, Kara. I need Starbuck. You'll kick my ass if you have to and keep me in line."

Kara nodded. "I promise."

Sam breathed a deep sigh of relief. "And Starbuck always keeps her promises."

- - - - - - - - - -

Could it really be that simple? Could she choose to be who she wanted to be? Dr. West's words kept coming back to Kara. Was the other woman right? Was Kara locking herself away and giving up too easily? Could she be free?

There was a bounce in Kara's step as she finished her journey to Lee's office. There was a smile on her face. What if they could find a way? What if they could love her anyway?

The hatch was cracked open. Kara reached for the handle but the sound of Dee's voice inside made her pause.

"I just don't understand, Lee. You chose me. You told me that, remember? I'm the one you married."

"Don't go there, Dee," Lee's voice was filled with irritation. "You don't want to go there."

"You begged me to give you another chance," Dee reminded him. "I forgave you for your affair and you promised that you wouldn't do this to me ever again."

"This isn't about an affair, Dee!" Lee yelled. "Kara and I are not having an affair! Don't you get that? Can't you see that? Kara is BROKEN! They BROKE her, Dee and she will never be the same. Kara isn't trying to steal your husband, Dee. She's trying to function! She can't even function! LOOK at what they've done to her! Can't you see that she's no threat to you anymore? This isn't about you!"

She was broken. She couldn't function. She was a freak. She would never be the same. She would never be normal.

Kara's eyes were blurry and she couldn't understand why. Her hands were shaking.

"Captain Thrace?" Corporal Caine's voice was gentle. "We should go. You don't need to hear this."

But didn't she? She needed the reminder. She needed to remember. She couldn't keep lying to herself and pretending to be normal. She wasn't normal. She was a freak. How many times could she forget? How many times could she fool herself into believing that there may be something more for her than this? What was wrong with her? Was she stupid? Why did she keep forgetting?

"Captain Thrace?"

The hatch was pulled from Kara's shaking hand and jerked open from the inside. Kara's devastated eyes met Lee's.

He blanched. "Kara…" He reached for her and Kara jerked away. "Kara, please! I need to explain," he stepped toward her again.

"Sir," Caine stepped between Captain Thrace and the Major, "I'm going to have to ask you to keep your distance."

Lee looked at the marine confused. Who was he? "Get the frak out of my way, Corporal." He tried to step around the marine, but Caine stepped with him and continued to block the Major's path. Lee's eyes sparked with anger. "Listen, Corporal…"

It was all the distraction Kara needed. She took off running and didn't look back. She had to get away.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Admiral Adama's Quarters_

Admiral William Adama stepped through the hatch and into his quarters with a weary sigh. He'd just come from escorting Laura to her shuttle. She'd been shaky and close to tears. He'd fought more than a few himself. Laura was right. The cancer was back and Bill knew there would be no miracle cure this time. They were in for a long hard battle. One more battle added to the war. Bill headed straight for his stash of ambrosia. He needed a drink.

A rustling sound from a dark corner stopped Adama in his tracks. He spun toward the sound and scanned the corner with narrowed eyes. Moving quickly, the Admiral hit the lights. His already cracked heart broke wide open at what he found. "Kara?"

She was crouched on the floor in the corner. Her legs were drawn up to her chest and her eyes were puffy from shed tears. "You weren't here."

Bill edged carefully toward his daughter. "Laura's check-up ran long."

She nodded slowly and Bill could see her eyes were dazed. "I'm sorry," she told him.

Bill realized she knew about Laura's cancer. He took in a deep shaky breath and blew it out. "I'm not giving up. We're not giving up."

Kara nodded again. "I know. It's not who you are."

Bill slowly slid down to sit on the floor beside his daughter. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, and he physically ached knowing that wasn't possible. "What happened, Kara? Why are you here?"

Bill could see Kara's whole body begin to shake. She choked on sobs and covered her face with her hands. Bill sat silently and waited her out.

Finally Kara started to speak. "I can't do it. I just…I can't do it. I can't pretend anymore. I know I'm a freak, but…but…" she turned large wounded tear-filled eyes on Bill. "Give me something else…ANYTHING else…but I can't do it anymore."

Bill had to force himself not to move any closer to her. What had happened? What was going on? He couldn't stand to see his daughter in so much pain. "Kara, I don't understand. What can't you do anymore? What do you mean 'give you something else'?"

Kara's eyes darted away. She stared at the wall. "You have to keep him away from me. I can't," her voice broke, "I just…can't. You have to keep him away."

Bill's heart plunged to his feet. He took another deep breath before asking the question. Intuition warned him that he didn't want to know the answer. "Who do I have to keep away from you, Kara? Who do I have to protect you from?"

There was so much heartbreak, so much pain, in those hazel eyes, and Bill knew that things had just gotten worse. A pair of tears trailed down Kara's cheeks and her smile was bitter and hopeless. "Lee."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	21. Half Life Twenty

Title: Half Life - 20/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 6/3/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee are still married. Sam/Jean are also married (or think they are). Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2777  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: We're hitting the home stretch now. The story has maybe five or six more chapters left to it. I promise that everything (or mostly everything) will be revealed or explained before I wrap things up. Your feedback is extremely appreciated. I can't even explain how much your reviews have helped me through the rough spots in the story and kept me on track. You guys rock! Now I just hope I can give you an ending that leaves you satisfied. I hope you all enjoy the ride!

This is kind of a strange little chapter. I'd probably classify it transitional. I definitely had fun writing it. The Fleet will be reaching the nebula soon and that chapter should be very meaty and intense. This is a little lighter (I think). LOL.

Please drop me a note if you're enjoying the story or have any questions or comments.

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

* * *

_Location: Admiral Adama's Quarters_

"What do you mean Kara won't be assisting me anymore?" Lee demanded. He stood and began pacing back and forth in front of his father's desk. This was Lee's worst nightmare and it was coming true. He was losing Kara all over again.

Admiral Adama and Dr. West shared a resigned glance. They'd expected this. The Admiral took his time and leaned forward to pick up his glass of water. He took a sip and watched his son's agitated movements. He didn't want to do this, but it couldn't be avoided. Kara's mental health had to come first. Unfortunately that meant breaking his son's heart. "Dr. West and I have discussed the issue at length, Lee. We've decided that Kara would be better suited working in another area."

Lee stared at his father in disbelief. "In another area? She's a pilot, Dad! She's the best frakkin' pilot alive! What other area could she possibly be more suited for?"

The Admiral locked his eyes on the glass in his hands. "Kara has expressed some interest in working with the deck crew."

A bitter laugh escaped Lee's throat. "A knuckledragger? You're making Kara a knuckerdragger?" He shook his head in rejection. "No. No! You can't do this." He planted his hands on his father's desk and leaned toward him. "You can't just keep giving in to her, Dad. You can't keep giving in to Kara's tantrums!"

A dull thump echoed through the room as the Admiral slammed the glass back down onto his desk. His mouth tightened and his eyes narrowed on his son. "Tantrums, Lee? Do you have any idea what condition I found Kara in?" He stood and pointed toward the far right corner of the room. "That's where I found her, Lee. I found her huddled and devastated in that corner." He leaned toward his son. "How long do you think she hid there alone in the dark?"

Lee's angry expression crumbled. He spun away from his father's stare. "She doesn't understand. She…she doesn't understand what she heard." He paused and took a shaky breath. "I have to talk to her. I have to make her understand."

"You can't," Laney told him calmly.

Lee stiffened, but didn't turn to face her.

"She's not ready to hear your explanation right now, Major," Laney continued, "there's no way of knowing when she will be." The psychiatrist tried to find the right words to explain their current dilemma. "What you need to understand, Lee, is that Kara was in a very fragile place when this happened. She'd finally overcome a great deal of her trauma at the hands of the Cylons and she was finally ready to face the real demons that haunt her. There is much more going on with Kara than you have been made aware of."

Two matching Adama stares focused on Laney. She mentally cursed her loose tongue. A pained smile curved Laney's lips. "There are things I'm not at liberty to discuss with you," she nodded toward the Admiral, "either of you."

The Admiral frowned. "Kara told you something?"

Laney nodded reluctantly. "She did, but I gave her my word that I wouldn't discuss it with anyone. I intend to keep my word." She moved on before they could press the issue. "I did, however, encourage Kara to share her secret with her loved ones. I believe she was planning to follow that advice." Her eyes were sad as they came to rest on Major Adama. "From what you've recounted of your conversation with your wife, Lee, Kara overheard the worst possible thing at the worst possible time." She picked her words carefully. "Kara's interpretation of your words would be devastating. Kara could easily use your words to reinforce the skewed mental image she's created of herself." Laney shrugged. "In common terms? You frakked up, Major. You royally frakked up."

Lee's hands fell to his sides. Blood rushed to his head. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. "How do I fix this?"

Laney's expression was sympathetic, but firm. "I don't know that you can, Major, and right now that's not my biggest concern. My first concern has to be for Kara."

Lee nodded. He felt weak and sick, but forced himself to walk over and retake the seat across from his father's desk. He met his father's eyes. "Just tell me, Dad."

Admiral Adama took a deep breath. "Major Adama, until further notice you are under direct orders to avoid Kara Thrace unless absolutely necessary. You are not to approach her, to speak to her, or upset her in any way. Should you choose to defy these orders you will be immediately remanded to the brig…"

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Hanger Deck_

"Everybody listen up!" Chief Galen Tyrol demanded the attention of his people. They drew in around him and the Chief pointed to the defiant blonde standing on his left. "This is Captain Kara Thrace. Some of you recognize her, some of you don't. What you need to know is that for the time being Captain Thrace has decided to grace our humble deck crew with her presence. This woman knows as much if not more about vipers than anyone on this deck and you will treat her with respect." He scanned the group with his eyes. "You will NOT treat her like a rookie or give her a hard time, you will NOT harass her with stupid questions, and you will NOT under any circumstances lay your hands on her. Am I understood?"

There were several yeses and nodded heads, but one crew spec called out a question. "Who's he?" He pointed to where Corporal Cainewood stood exactly two steps behind Kara.

Kara rolled her eyes and a sneer curled her lips. "My babysitter."

Chief Tyrol grinned at the Captain then answered the crew spec's question. "He is Corporal Nathan Cainewood. Corporal Cainewood is Captain Thrace's marine guard for the time being. Where Captain Thrace goes, Corporal Cainewood follows."

An attractive female crew spec with light brown hair frowned. "She has a guard?"

"Is she dangerous?" the male crew spec standing beside the woman spoke up.

Chief's laughter filled the air. He smiled widely at Captain Thrace. "You have no idea."

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "What do you want me to do?"

Chief dismissed the rest of his crew and turned to face the Captain. He held out two clipboards for her to take. "Got an oil leak and a glitch in the electrical system. That should keep you busy for a couple of hours. Let me know when they're fixed and I'll find you something else."

Kara took the clipboards. She shoved one at Caine for him to hold and flipped through the papers on the other.

Caine frowned at the clipboard in his hands. "I'm supposed to protect you, Captain, not carry your crap."

Kara never even looked up. "I have bad spells. I attack people. Ask Dumbo."

Caine smirked unconcerned. "I have a gun."

Kara rolled her eyes and looked up. She turned her head and smirked back at him. "Now you also have a clipboard." She walked off in the direction of her first viper.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Three and a half hours later…_

Helo grinned as he heard his best friend grunt in frustration. "You know, Crewman, when you're finished with that Viper, I think I've got a problem with my gimbal."

Kara paused for a moment at the sound of the familiar voice. A smile tugged at her lips. Then she snorted and continued to dig for what she was looking for. "Was your favorite toaster flying? Cause she might have inherited her shitty landings from Boomer."

"Hey!" Athena said with mock-outrage as she walked up to join her husband, "I did not inherit Boomer's landing issues. I'll have you know my landings are textbook perfect."

"That's cause you got a folder marked landings in that hard drive you call a brain," Kara drawled.

Athena smirked at Helo. "Why are we here again?"

"We're springing our best friend for lunch," Helo reminded her. "Come on, Kara. We're gonna sneak you off the deck before Chief notices you're missing. Cally's got him distracted."

Kara thought about it. Lunch with Helo and Athena? She remembered the last meal she'd shared with the Agathons. Things had seemed so much brighter then. Was it only three days ago? Kara's hands started to shake and her eyes stung. "Not hungry," she finally answered.

There was a long pause and Kara thought they'd accepted her answer and left. She jumped as another body pushed itself under the viper beside her. Helo's head came into view and Kara barely resisted the urge to punch him in the nose. Stupid frakker didn't know when to give up.

Helo rolled onto his side and faced her. "Not acceptable, Kara. Do you hear me? I don't frakkin' think so. I'm not losing you again."

Kara shrugged and kept working.

"I know Apollo frakked up," Helo continued. "He's an asshole. You think this is news? But I'm not losing my best friend because Lee decided he wanted to eat his feet. You can hate Lee and eat lunch with us at the same time. We'll even tear Apollo apart while we do it if you want."

"He's short, he's annoying, and he's got bad hair," Athena gave bashing Lee her best shot.

Helo chuckled. He stuck out his hand and waved at his wife. "You know Cally still calls him shrubhead under her breath?"

Kara didn't laugh. She dropped her hands but continued to stare up into the belly of the viper. "Your best friend died. I'm not her."

Helo deliberately leaned closer to her face. "Bullshit."

Kara's head snapped to the side and she glared at him. "I'm not her. You don't get it. I'm different."

Helo smiled. "No, Kara, you don't get it. I'm the one who married a toaster, remember? I know you're different, I know you have some deep dark secret waiting to be revealed," he winked at her, "I just don't frakkin' care."

A reluctant chuckle worked its way out of Kara's throat. She shook her head and reached her hand up to rub her eyes. "The Freak, the Toaster Frakker, and his favorite Toaster…we are so frakked up."

Helo shrugged and kept grinning. "At least we're consistent." He waggled his eyebrows. "Now come on, let's go eat."

Nodding her agreement, Kara wiggled her way out from under the viper and climbed to her feet. Athena glared at her for all the toaster comments. Kara smirked and leaned toward the raptor pilot. "Frakkin' toaster."

Athena cocked her head to the side and smirked back. "Rabid bitch."

Kara thought that one over for a second. Then she shrugged and turned her attention to Caine. The marine was now holding both clipboards and a rag. She grabbed the rag, wiped off her hands and tossed it back. "Frak off. I'm taking lunch."

Caine rolled his eyes. "Then I'm taking lunch, Captain Thrace. Where you go, I go."

Kara sneered. "You gonna wipe my ass, too?"

Caine lifted one unimpressed brow. "Say please."

Growling under her breath, Kara turned and stomped off. Caine followed exactly two steps behind. Helo rushed forward to catch up with Kara, but Athena matched her steps to the marine's.

Lieutenant Agathon grinned at the Corporal. "Who'd you piss off enough to earn this assignment?"

Caine grinned and shook his head. "The first time I laid eyes on Starbuck was my first day in the Colonial Fleet. They were giving us a walk-through of the ship during orientation." Caine followed Captains Thrace and Agathon as they exited the hatch and headed toward the mess. "Captain Thrace was a Lieutenant then and she was standing on this hanger deck bitching about some problem or another she'd had during CAP. She stopped mid-rant and turned to look over our group as we walked through. She eyed every male up and down like a piece of meat and then she blew us a kiss." He shrugged and threw Athena a smile. "Starbuck's been my dream-woman ever since."

Athena's mouth dropped open in shock. Then she laughed. She reached out to pat the poor marine on the back. "May god have mercy on your poor soul, Corporal Cainewood."

Caine grunted as Kara dodged a crewmember and somehow managed to throw them directly into his path. "Now she's just the woman of my nightmares, too."

- - - - - - - - - -

An hour later, Kara walked back onto the hanger deck with a smile on her face. She was in such a good mood, she even didn't bother to trip up Caine with the can of grease someone had conveniently left sitting on the ground. Besides, he might drop her clipboards and mix up her paperwork. Then he'd have to spend gods-knows how long getting it all back into order.

Weaving her way through the workspace, Kara found the viper she was working on. She didn't notice the pair of legs underneath it until the last moment. She stopped and frowned at them. A familiar melody filled the air. Kara grimaced.

Caine stepped up to stand directly beside Kara. He smiled as the person underneath the viper started to slide out. "What's that song, Chief? I don't think I've ever heard it before."

Chief started and looked at the marine. "What? Oh…uh…I don't really know, Corporal." He took his time getting to his feet. Then he shrugged. "Just something from childhood, I think. I can never really piece it all back together." Chief snorted and shook his head. "It's the damnedest thing. It's like I'm hearing it everywhere these days. I can't get it out of my head." Chief seemed to zone out on them then. He tilted his head to the side and stared off into space.

Caine frowned at the man's strange behavior and explanation. "Oh." He looked at Kara for her reaction.

Kara's eyebrows shot up and she pursed her lips. She reached out to grab the appropriate clipboard and shoved it into the Chief's hands. "You finish this one?"

Chief shook himself from his daze and looked down at the paperwork. "Oh, yeah. Cally told me you broke for lunch. I fixed the problem."

"Great," Kara said. "We're back now. We'll get started on the other one." She grabbed the other clipboard and memorized the serial number.

Chief smirked at Starbuck. "We?"

Kara shrugged. "I work. He holds." She shoved the clipboard back at Caine and walked away. Kara sincerely hoped the marine would just follow her lead and drop the issue. She didn't have an explanation to give him and she wasn't even going to try. But honestly, running into members of the 'mystery music' club was getting old. The Fleet couldn't reach that frakkin' nebula soon enough.

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	22. Half Life Twenty One

Title: Half Life - 21/?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 6/17/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee are a sinking ship. Sam/Jean are also married. Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2231  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: I know the wait has been long, but I went to extreme lengths to get this part posted up. My computer died AGAIN. I was without a computer for over a week and I didn't have time to write the post away from home. We finally had to buy a new one. Then the new one got infected with something and our Windows Explorer isn't working. SO…I'm writing this post without my story outline (which is still on the hard drive of my old computer) and without Windows Explorer running (thankfully I figured out how to open programs using Task Manager). But I really wanted to get another chapter posted up because I'm going out of town next week.

Also, if you sent me feedback and didn't get a reply I am deeply sorry. I can promise that I appreciate each and every comment, but these last two weeks have been hell and I don't know who I replied to and who I didn't. (Fingers crossed) My computer problems should be coming to an end and I'll try to do better in the future. Hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Here goes…

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

Kara's hands were buried inside the belly of a viper the first time she heard Lee's voice after her reality check. That was how she thought of it now. Overhearing Lee and Dee's conversation was just a reality check. She was a freak. She'd somehow deluded herself into believing Lee didn't see just how much of a freak she was. She should've known better. Lee was a smart boy. Unfortunately Lee still felt some kind of obligation toward her. Kara was Lee's new favorite pity case. Well, he'd have to find a new hobby because Kara wasn't interested in deluding herself anymore. Time to face reality. Time to accept her limitations and move on. Besides, she had some equally freakish friends who were willing to stand by her anyway. Helo procreated with a toaster. Athena was a toaster. People who lived in glass bunkrooms and all that. 

"Chief, how are we looking?"

She could tell herself whatever she wanted, preach bullshit to anyone that would listen, but her heart still stopped at the sound of Lee Adama's clipped voice. What the frak was he doing here? Was he checking up on her? He was supposed to stay away.

A mixture of panic and anger churned in her stomach. The Old Man was supposed to keep him away. They'd promised her. Why was Lee here? She couldn't handle this. She couldn't face him.

Kara's hands started to shake and she fumbled the wrench she was holding. She grabbed for it desperately, but missed. It hit her shoulder with a thunk before bouncing off and landing on the deck. A loud clank echoed through the air and Kara started cussing and rubbing her shoulder. She knew her face was burning red and thanked the gods it was hidden from view. She bit her tongue, snapped her mouth closed, and prayed no one had noticed.

"Captain Thrace, are you okay under there?"

Kara closed her eyes and groaned in defeat at Caine's question. Caine had to go.

"Something wrong, Corporal?" the Chief sounded amused.

"I think Captain Thrace hurt herself," Caine explained.

Kara changed her mind. Caine had to die.

"Everything alright, Captain?" Chief leaned down and stuck his head under the viper.

Kara glared at him. "I'm fine. I dropped a frakkin' wrench."

Chief grinned. "Well, the Corporal was concerned."

"Tell the Corporal that as his superior officer, I'm ordering him to go put himself out the nearest airlock," Kara said.

Caine's head appeared beside the Chief's. "The Admiral ordered me not to obey any of your orders."

Kara's expression darkened and the Chief's grin just widened. "Smart man, our Admiral."

"Chief?" Lee's voice had Kara's eyes filling with panic again.

The grin slipped from the Chief's face and he watched Starbuck concerned. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Kara Thrace panic. None of those times were pretty. What the frak was really going on here? What had Apollo done?

Holding up a hand and motioning for Captain Thrace to stay put, the Chief pulled back and stood up. He turned to face Major Adama. "Sir?"

Apollo's jaw was locked. His tormented eyes were glued to Starbuck's legs where they stuck out from under the viper. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but caught himself and just shook his head instead.

The Chief was surprised to see Corporal Cainewood step in front of Captain Thrace's legs blocking her from Apollo's view. The marine glared at Apollo. "I believe you're under orders to keep your distance, Major."

Apollo stepped up to face the marine. The marine had at least four inches on the CAG, but Chief would've bet on Apollo every time. Apollo could be one mean frakker when he wanted to. "Did I ask for your opinion on something, Corporal Cainewood?"

Chief had to give Caine points for not backing down. The marine stood at attention and held Apollo's glare. "I'm doing my job, Sir."

"Your job, Corporal," Major Adama sneered, "is to protect Captain Thrace from any and all threats to her person."

The corner of Caine's lips hitched, but his eyes were fierce. "As I said, I'm doing my job, Sir."

Chief cleared his throat before Apollo decided to attack the marine. He didn't have time to clean blood off his deck today. When Apollo turned to face him, the Chief answered his earlier question. "We're looking good, Major. We've got three birds down with minor problems, but they should be space-worthy by the end of the shift. If you can somehow talk Hotdog into convincing those idiots he calls nuggets not to frak anymore of them up, we should be at 100 percent when we reach the nebula."

Reluctantly, Apollo stepped away from Caine and toward Chief Tyrol. "I'll talk to Hotdog, Chief, just get it done." He looked back toward the viper. "This is too important. We're not taking any chances."

Chief nodded, "understood."

Apollo returned the nod and Chief thought the situation had been diffused, then the Major locked eyes once more with Caine. "I hope you're as good as you think you are, Corporal."

"I'll protect her with my life," Caine answered.

Apollo lifted two unimpressed brows. "Good, because if anything happens to her I'll be holding you personally responsible. They'll be finding pieces of you for weeks."

The Major departed leaving a stunned silence in his wake. The Chief finally shook his head and looked at Caine. "Who did you piss off enough to get landed with this assignment, Corporal?"

Caine finally let himself relax. He heard the Chief's comment and rolled his eyes. "The gods."

Both men heard Kara snicker from beneath the viper. "So say we all."

----------  
_Two days later…_

The atmosphere on the hanger deck was tense. Hell, the atmosphere everywhere was tense. Today was a big day and everyone knew it. This was a day that would go down in history. One more milestone in the journey toward Earth, one more signpost on the road, one more leap of faith…the Ionian nebula was just one jump away.

They were so close now that Kara could feel it. It pumped through her bloodstream, hummed under her skin. It was time and she was ready to face her destiny. She thought just a moment about what could have been. What if the Cylons hadn't grabbed her five years ago? How would things be different? Would she have been happy? Would she have been waiting for them to bring her home? Would she have found peace?

As it was, Kara felt anything but peaceful. She was rushed and frustrated and excited. She had so much to do. This was her time. This was her purpose. Nothing else mattered and nothing else existed. Fixing vipers, eating with friends, playing triad, they were just fillers. She was just buying time. All roads led to this. The chosen one would play her role and then…then maybe she could finally rest.

"WHAT did you do to that viper? Who lied and said you could fly?" Cally barked at nervous looking male nugget.

"I didn't mean…"

"WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK?" Cally cut the nugget off with a glare. "Do you know what the CAG is going to do when he sees that viper?"

"I…"

Cally turned her back on him and glared around the hanger deck. "WHERE IS CHIEF?"

"Man, she's pissed," Kara heard a new prospective crew spec mutter to their mentor.

The mentor, an attractive brunette named Raine, just shared a smirk with her best friend and fellow crew spec Thorne before answering the new guy. "Nah, she's not pissed. She's just grumpy. Cally gets grumpy when she's excited."

"WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?!?"

The new guy's eyes widened. "Does she get excited a lot?"

Raine smiled, "Cally's what you might call excitable by nature."

Cally's voice hit a particularly shrill high note and the new guy winced. "I should've signed up for the marines."

Thorne shrugged but his eyes were twinkling. "I hear CIC's got an opening."

Kara snorted, but then she was back to biting her lip and running her hands up and down her arms. She was so keyed up she couldn't even enjoy a good bout of hazing. She needed to get out of here for a while. Ducking out the nearest hatch, Kara started for the head. She heard Caine following behind her, but thankfully he kept his distance. She'd threatened to break his frakkin' nose if he bumped into her one more time.

Ordering Caine to wait outside with her eyes, Kara pushed open the hatch and stepped through. What she saw inside almost had her turning around and walking right back out. Sammy had Roslin's aide pressed up against the sinks and his tongue was down her throat. Kara grimaced. Eww...add that to the list of things she never needed to see.

Without speaking a word, Kara walked forward and turned on one of the open sinks. She splashed water on her face, checked the mirror, stretched her neck, and reached for a towel to dry off.

Kara saw Sam jerk away from whats-her-face. He recovered from his shock of being discovered and opened his mouth to speak. Kara waved him off. "Don't even start. I don't want to know. Just be very, very thankful that you're no longer married to me. I was never very good at sharing my toys."

Whats-her-face looked flustered and confused. She also looked like she'd lost her hairbrush and hadn't slept in weeks. Shaking herself from her daze, whats-her-face looked at Kara and frowned. "Actually, the marriage won't officially be dissolved until you sign the paperwork. President Roslin has the forms on her desk."

Kara's smile was sarcastic. "Actually, I signed the forms yesterday after my shift. You were there as a witness."

Now whats-her-face was confused again. "I was?"

Rolling her eyes, Kara turned to leave. "You might notice these things if you'd stop trying to listen to the walls."

----------

Kara was half-way back to the hanger deck when a page had her turning toward CIC. The page was followed by the announcement that the Fleet was preparing to jump. The countdown began and Kara braced herself. As soon as the jump passed and Kara regained her bearings, she resumed her course. It was all happening so fast now. Kara's head was spinning. What came next? What came next?

The ship jerked, the lights went out, and Kara knew. She knew exactly where she had to go. Her feet took her there even as her mind raced ahead of her. She could feel the power building, could feel the hands guiding her course. Time was up. The hatch stood before her and Kara stood paralyzed for just one moment. She felt choked with fear and doubt and pain. Could she really do this?

She was the chosen one.

Pushing all vulnerability, all emotion, behind a wall inside herself, Kara took the final steps.

"You have got to be frakkin' kidding me!" Saul Tigh's outraged voice reached her ears.

Kara crossed the threshold. She slammed the hatch in Caine's face and turned to confront the four terrified newly-awakened cylons. "Well, well, what do we have here? Did I misplace my invitation to the party?"

They stared at her shocked and horrified. What's-her-face was the first one to find her voice. "YOU…are YOU a cylon?"

Kara cocked her head to the side. A sneer curled her lips. "What the frak do you think?"

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	23. Half Life Twenty Two

Title: Half Life - 22/26?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 7/7/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee are a sinking ship. Sam/Jean are also married. Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2827  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Sorry for the long wait. I had a great vacation, but then I had to make up the week of schoolwork I missed. Thankfully, I also just finished working out my notice on my part-time job, so I should have more free time on my hands to write.

I hope you enjoy the new chapter. I got stuck at the beginning, but an email-buddy helped me work through my issues and keep going. Thanks again, Jenn!

Feedback would be EXTREMELY appreciated. I'm feeling vulnerable about this chapter. I hope you guys are still reading. Please let me know what you think!

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-two**

* * *

_Location: Storage Room_

Sam was the first to speak. "Kara...I..." his voiced failed him and he shook his head to try to clear the fog of confusion. "I don't know what's going on."

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "Don't you?" She eyed each of the cylons in turn. "Don't you all?" They stared back at her silent and horrified. Kara sighed. "You've all known or suspected for years now. You lied to yourselves and tried to pretend the knowledge away, but deep down..." her eyes came back to rest on Sammy, "you knew."

"You're not a cylon," Tigh spoke with absolute certainty.

"I'm not a cylon," Kara confirmed and turned her attention to the XO. Her expression was guarded. "I am Kara Thrace, Starbuck, loud-mouthed insubordinate viper pilot with more guts than brains. I am a member of the Colonial Fleet and I will die to protect those I love from the cylon threat." She cocked her head to the side. "The real question is...who are you?"

No one seemed to have an answer to that one.

Kara started with Sam. Swallowing down the mixture of fear, pain, and anger that close proximity to a cylon instinctively evoked within her, she stepped forward to face her ex-husband. Just as she'd done with Athena, Kara forced herself to see the man and not the machine. Sam was different. She believed in him. This was the man she'd fought so damn hard to go back for and even now she couldn't regret it. "Are you Samuel T. Anders? Are you the pyramid pro turned resistance leader that protected those people back on Caprica or are you one of the synthetic motherfrakkers who destroyed their worlds to begin with? Are you the man I married or are you one of the bastards that tortured and mind-frakked me for over five years?"

Sam jerked as if he'd been struck. "I would never hurt you, Kara. I love you."

A sarcastic smile curved Kara's lips. "Do you, Sammy? Do you love me or is that just your programming?"

Sam's eyes sparked with anger. Before he could respond to her accusations, Kara turned her attention on Chief Tyrol. "What about you, Chief?" She stepped slowly toward the best crew chief she'd ever met. A pilot never had to doubt their bird if Tyrol was in charge of the deck. He was the leader of the union, one of the leaders of the New Caprica resistance. He was a husband, a father, and good man. "Do you love Cally or is she just a means to an end? Are you just waiting for the perfect moment to sabotage Galactica, kill Cally, and take off with your son?"

Chief's eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. His hands clenched into fists and outrage rolled off him in waves. But what Kara thought was most telling, what she knew he didn't even realize, was that he instinctively pulled himself to attention. He faced down his superior officer's accusations with Colonial Fleet pride. No one loved the Fleet, loved Galactica, more than the Chief.

The hardest person for Kara to face down was Tigh. She and this man had so much in common. She understood Tigh and she knew he understood her better than almost anyone else alive. They'd been through so much together. They'd fought and butted heads and earned each other's respect. They were two emotional and personal frak-ups who would do anything for a man with the last name Adama. Kara just happened to extend that loyalty to the son as well as the father. Staring at Saul Tigh and wondering if that man really existed or if he was some sick twisted cylon creation was almost unbearable. Kara's eyes burned and her voice was choked. "Do you secretly fantasize about filling the Old Man full of bullets, Saul? Will it give you a thrill to see the betrayal dawn in his eyes as he realizes his best friend just took his life?"

A snarl curled Saul's lips and his eye lit up with a thousand warring emotions. Kara easily picked out the rage and pain, but she latched onto the familiar combination of guilt and paralyzing fear. Kara knew exactly what he was thinking. Saul wasn't afraid for himself. What more could be done to him? They'd taken his eye, they'd taken his Ellen. How much worse could it possibly be if they took his life? No, Saul Tigh wasn't afraid for himself. He was terrified of what he could do to the Old Man. He would do anything to protect the Old Man...even if he had to protect Bill from himself. Kara understood the sentiment a little too well.

Finally Kara turned her attention on the President's aide. She didn't really know the woman all that well. Hell, Kara didn't even know the woman's name, but Kara did know that the aide lived her job and dedicated her life to Laura Roslin. It wasn't hard to find the right question to ask. "Will the cancer get Roslin or will you get to her first?"

The woman took a shaky step backward and lifted her hand to cover her mouth.

The room fell eerily quiet. Kara slowly walked back to retake her place in the circle. She shook her head and searched for the right words to make them understand. When no divine intervention seemed forthcoming, Kara settled for speaking from her heart. "Each and every one of you has seen the best and the worst humanity has to offer. You've seen Laura Roslin and you've seen Gaius Baltar. You've seen William Adama and you've seen Tom Zarek." Kara threw her hands in the air. "Humans are not perfect. The Cylons are right about that. We've got very good, very bad, and everything in between. But what it all comes down to in the end is do you believe humanity no longer has the right to exist? Will you help the Cylons achieve that goal?"

She looked at each of them in turn. "We're not talking about wiping out just the Gaius Baltars and the Tom Zareks. We're not just getting rid of the black market thugs and the greedy corrupt power-hungry politicians. We're talking complete annihilation. The Cylons have no more respect for the William Adamas, the Laura Roslins, the Cally Tyrols, or the Jean Anders of our race. In fact, they want to kill them more. Those are the resisters, the ones who will never submit to Cylon control." She snorted and a bitter smile curved her lips. "Frak, they'd probably declare a new Cylon holiday if you took out me."

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Kara waved him off. It was time to finish this. Kara clenched her hands into fists. She spoke slowly and with emphasis. "Are you willing to destroy the people who love and trust you because the Cylons finally decided to flip a switch and draft you onto their team?"

Waiting only a moment to let her words sink in, Kara crossed her arms over her chest. "I ask again...who are you?"

Tigh glared at Kara through his good eye. "I won't hurt the Old Man and I certainly won't help those metal motherfrakkers. I hate the bastards."

Kara smirked. "Still our cantankerous drunk of an XO?"

Tigh nodded. "I am Saul Tigh. Whatever this means, whatever else I am, that's the man I want to be."

"I would never hurt you, Kara," Sam spoke with absolute conviction.

"And gods knows I would never hurt Cally," Chief forced. He shook his head to clear the grim thoughts from his mind. A determined expression on his face, Chief looked back at Kara. "You've made your point, Captain. What do we do now?"

- - - - - - - - - -

"ACTION STATIONS! ACTION STATIONS! SET CONDITION ONE THROUGHOUT THE SHIP!"

Kara swung open the hatch. She stepped out into the hallway and dodged a couple of crewmen running past to reach their stations.

Caine jerked away from the wall and spun to face her. "You're being paged to..." he frowned and his words trailed off as he noticed the four people standing behind Kara waiting to exit the storage room. He looked at each face in turn and Kara could almost see him adding up the information in his head. "CIC," he finally finished.

Kara nodded. "I know. I heard."

Caine's eyes narrowed on Samuel Anders where he stood closely behind Kara. "What's going on, Captain?"

Kara smirked despite herself. "Top secret triad game, Caine. Sorry but you weren't invited."

Caine opened his mouth to reply, but he never got the chance. "We don't have time for frakkin' chitchat, Corporal," Saul Tigh pushed his way out into the hallway and glared down the marine. "Let's move it." He turned toward CIC and set the pace as the others followed.

"There's just no way this can go well," Kara heard Chief Tyrol grumble under his breath.

Kara fought a smile at the very human emotion in his voice. "Well, you haven't blown up the water supply or put two slugs into the Admiral, so you're better off than Boomer."

Chief winced. "My wife is going to have my head."

Kara threw him a sympathetic expression. "Cally loves you, Chief. She'll deal." When the Chief didn't look encouraged, Kara tried again. "Hey, at least you haven't been cheating on her."

"Kara!" Sam growled from Kara's left.

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "What Sammy? I didn't name any names," she smirked as the dread on Chief's face was quickly replaced by surprise and the crew chief gaped at Sam, "unfortunately you just did."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: CIC_

The crew of CIC were scrambling to find answers for the mysterious power outage, but no answers seemed forthcoming.

"I've checked our systems, Admiral," Lieutenant Felix Gaeta reported to his commanding officer, "I see no signs of attack, no viruses, nothing to explain the loss of power."

"I can't accept that, Mr. Gaeta," Admiral Adama continued to scan the readouts being fed to him by the comms officer, "I want an explanation. Keep looking."

"Yes, sir," Gaeta answered and hurried back to his post.

"Full power was simultaneously lost and then restored to all ships in the Fleet, Sir," Lt. Dee Adama called out from her station. She frowned as she read through another report. "They're also reporting no explanation for the loss."

"What have we got on DRADIS?" the Admiral asked.

"No enemy contacts, Sir," Lt. Adama confirmed.

"Contact Apollo and find out if the CAP sees anything," the Admiral ordered. "Someone tell me SOMETHING!" He slapped his hand down against the console in frustration. He frowned at the people surrounding him. "And where's Starbuck and my XO?"

Saul Tigh snapped himself from his frozen state of panic upon first seeing his best friend. He shared a look with Starbuck. She nodded and they both stepped forward. "We're right behind you, Bill. What mess have we landed ourselves in this time?"

The Admiral reached up and removed his glasses. He rubbed his eyes. "I have no idea, Saul. That's the problem."

"No sign of the Cylons?" Tigh asked. Starbuck shot him an amused look and he glared back at her.

"Thankfully no," the Admiral answered, "but I don't know how long that will last. The FTL drives have to be rebooted and we'll be sitting ducks for the next half hour."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, Sir," Starbuck spoke up for the first time. All eyes turned to her. She smiled and shrugged. "Should the Cylons happen to locate the nebula, they'll experience the same unexplainable phenomenon we did, Admiral."

The Admiral frowned. "How do you know that, Kara?"

"I just know," Kara told him calmly.

Admiral Adama stared at his daughter thoughtfully for a moment. After coming to an internal decision, some of the tension drained from his shoulders and he nodded. "I believe in you, Kara," a half-smile tugged at his lips, "but I'll keep my people working on resolving the issue, all the same."

Kara smiled back. "Of course."

"What's happening?" Several heads turned to look at President Laura Roslin as she hurried into CIC and toward the group of leaders. "What caused the power outage? Have you found the next sign?"

"We don't know and not yet," Tigh answered her.

The Admiral watched the President concerned. "You're supposed to be in the Life Station, Laura. You passed out."

Tigh's eyes widened at that. "She did?" He noticed Tory moving forward to join her leader. Saul didn't miss the irony of how protectively the newly awakened cylon watched over the President.

President Roslin waved away all their concern. "I'm fine. I didn't pass out. It was a vision."

"A vision?" the Admiral's voice was still gruff with concern.

"What did you see?" Tory questioned.

Tigh felt a hysterical laugh bubbling up his throat. Here they were standing in CIC with the President of the Twelve Colonies and calmly discussing visions. Of course, they were also depending on Starbuck to show them the way to Earth. "Gods help us all."

Roslin glared at the XO before turning a stern look on her aide. "We don't have time for that now. We have to find the sign."

"Of course, Madam President," Tory said.

Anticipating Laura's next question, the Admiral spoke. "We're running some deeper scans of the nebula, but we haven't turned up anything so far. Since we'll be incapable of jumping for at least the next half hour, I suggest we put that time to good use."

Laura nodded. "I agree."

Starbuck shook her head. "We don't have time for that. We need to retrieve the sign and jump out of here as soon as possible." She looked at the President and the Admiral. "Much more is going on than either of you can see. The vision is one part, the sign another, the path is being laid open and we must travel it quickly." Her eyes glazed over. "The five have been awoken, four will be lost to the false ones forever and their grief shall feed the fires of their rage. They will strike out with vengeance in their despair, but their failure will be their end for the gods have spoken and they will not be denied."

Kara shook herself from the trance-like state and grimaced as she saw the fear on the faces of her loved ones. "Sorry. The gods like to show off and they're really frakkin' scripture happy." Her eyes briefly flickered to Tigh before moving back to the President and the Admiral. "The Cylons just lost four major players they were counting on. They're gonna be pissed as hell when they figure it out and we can't let them find the next signpost to earth. The sign is ours. We need to take it and get the frak out."

The Admiral's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. He lifted his hand and scratched his chin. "That's easier said than done, Kara. The preliminary scans turned up empty. We don't even know where to start looking."

Kara took a deep breath, leaned forward over the table, and pointed to a spot on the DRADIS console. "It's there." As soon as Kara's finger hit the console a small dot of white light started blinking on the screen where she'd touched.

The group of leaders all turned to stare at her with stunned expressions.

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. "Hello! Chosen One!"

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	24. Half Life Twenty Three

Title: Half Life - 23/26?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 7/15/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee are a sinking ship. Sam/Jean are also married. Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2963  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: I guess I'm just destined to write over the weekend. School is not allowing me much free time to write during the week. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway. PLEASE let me know if you do. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter. You guys are great and you keep me going.

This chapter was meant to be pretty heavy, but I think the second half turned out more transitional to me. I hope it comes across okay. I'm interested to see what everyone thinks of Kara. She's begun changing again and I want that change to make sense. We're getting closer to the end of the story and I want Kara to complete the journey in a way that feels right.

FEEDBACK? Pretty please?

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

* * *

It took exactly seventeen minutes for Athena and her ECO Thor to retrieve the sign. The sign itself turned out to be yet another beacon from the original journey of the Thirteenth Tribe. Conscious of the last beacon's effect on the Cylons, the Admiral ordered that every precaution possible be taken with its handling. He had no intention of exposing his people to possible illness. The beacon was placed in isolation until it could be examined by Major Cottle and his medical team. 

It took thirty minutes for the Admiral to realize that Chief Galen Tyrol and Lieutenant Samuel Anders had no logical reason for being in CIC while the ship was at condition one. When he finally questioned their presence, Colonel Saul Tigh stepped forward and requested a private audience with the Admiral and the President. The situation quickly deteriorated from there. The four newly-confessed Cylons were taken into custody and transported to the Cylon holding cell.

It took over three hours for the Admiral to realize that Kara had arrived in CIC at precisely the same time as the four newly-awakened Cylons. It seemed too much of a coincidence to ignore. When questioned, Kara confirmed his suspicions and went on to recount her earlier conversation with the four. He was less than pleased. Ordering Kara to his office, the Admiral relayed this newest information to the President and they both focused their attention on Kara.

"And you knew these..." President Laura Roslin's words trailed away as another wave of anger poured over her. She couldn't believe it! She just couldn't believe it! Tory, her most trusted assistant, the woman she'd relied on for over six years! Taking a deep breath, Roslin forced the most volatile of her emotions away. Still, she glared at Captain Thrace. "You knew they were Cylons? You knew we had four traitors within our midst and you did nothing?"

Kara felt the urge to shrug and roll her eyes but she fought it. The President felt betrayed and distressed. There was no reason to add to the woman's obvious suffering. "They weren't active. They had no hidden agenda. They weren't a threat. The Five are different from the Seven."

"THEY'RE CYLONS!" Roslin yelled.

"They're different," Kara repeated, "and they're important."

The Admiral looked up from his seat behind his desk. "How are they different, Captain?" When Kara didn't immediately answer, the Admiral rounded his desk and faced her. "Your actions could be classified as treason and collaboration with the Cylons. Not even my personal affection for you will save you from those charges. If you want to avoid earning a cell of your own and a court martial, you better start talking."

Kara stood and faced him. Her eyes were fearless. They glowed with power and knowledge. "Do you honestly believe that I fear imprisonment or death, Admiral? I am the One. I am the tool. I exist at the will of the gods and I play my role as they see fit."

"And the gods condone collaboration with the Cylons?" Roslin demanded.

Digging her nails into her palms, Kara took a deep breath and prayed for patience. When she spoke her voice was calm and determined. "I am no collaborator." Her eyes pleaded with the Admiral to understand. "You are my father. I would do nothing to bring you harm."

The Admiral's expression softened slightly. "Then make me understand, Kara. I need answers."

Kara frowned. She reached up and tugged at her ear. "I don't know what I can tell you exactly. It's not all clear to me either. I don't know how to make you understand."

"TRY!" Roslin ordered.

Kara's eyes glazed and she drifted deeply into thought. She searched for the words and let them flow through her as they came. "The Chosen One is the vessel, the tool. She is used as the gods see fit. The knowledge doesn't come in facts and data. The gods do not deal in facts and data. The Chosen One knows what she knows. She possesses the knowledge that she needs when she needs it. She walks the path; she plays the role laid down for her by the gods. Her power exists through her absolute faith. She has no need for absolute knowledge."

Kara jolted back to herself. She closed the inner door and shook the feeling of complete submission away. It was not a feeling she enjoyed. She couldn't help thinking the gods could have selected their Chosen One more wisely.

Looking toward the President, Kara told her what she could. "The Five are different. They control their own programming. They have no hidden programming to force their hands. Their choices are their own." Kara couldn't stand still. Her skin was tingling with the aftereffects of her open connection with the gods. She started to pace as she tried to explain. "They had no idea they were Cylons. They were the first. They are a completely different mold from the humanoid models you know. They are exactly who they believe they are. They are whoever they decide to be. They have no innate loyalty to the rest of their race. The people that they are have been created, have been shaped, by their experiences and interactions with those around them."

Kara stopped in front of the Admiral. She met his pained eyes with her own. "Who do you think has Saul Tigh's loyalty, Admiral? The Cylons or you?"

The Admiral flinched at the reminder that his best friend was among the newest prisoners. He couldn't deal with that information yet. He'd blocked it out. He couldn't think about one of the Cylons being Saul.

"They're Cylons," Roslin repeated.

Kara shook her head. "It's not that simple, Madam President. Everything they've experienced, everything they've endured, has been real. They weren't working to fulfill some secret Cylon agenda. They weren't simply walking through the motions and doing what they had to do to fulfill their missions. They lived it. It all happened." She looked back to the Admiral. "Saul Tigh was tortured by the Cylons. They took his eye. They slept with his wife. They used Ellen and forced him to kill her. They humiliated him and degraded him. He hates their frakkin' guts."

Kara turned to Roslin. "Samuel Anders lived through hell after the initial attacks. He gathered whatever people he could find and tried to keep them alive. Most of the time he failed. He watched the people he cared about, the people he was responsible for, get picked off one by one. But he kept fighting and fighting harder every day because if he was going to die then he was going to take as many damn toasters as he could with him." She paused and cocked her head to the side. "And do you even want to get started on how Sam feels about me?"

"Galen Tyrol helped lead the resistance on New Caprica," Kara reminded them. "The Cylons drug his wife away in the middle of the night for his troubles. Then they forced Baltar's sorry ass to sign an order to execute her. They tried to execute the mother of his child," she emphasized.

"And Tory?" Roslin questioned when she noticed Kara pause. "What do you have to tell me about Tory, Captain?"

Kara sighed and returned her eyes to the President. "What can I tell you about Tory that you don't already know, Madam President? I don't know the woman that well," she nodded to Roslin, "but you do. Tory has suffered during this war just like everyone else in the Fleet. I don't know her trials as I do the others, but I do know that she is completely devoted to you."

Roslin flinched, and Kara smiled sympathetically. "You feel betrayed and you have every reason to. I understand that and so does Tory. But she's hurting and terrified right now. She just found out that she is her worst enemy. Can you imagine how devastating it would be to realize that you are what you most fear and hate?"

Having said her piece, Kara returned to her seat. She was tired and heartsick. No matter what she told the Admiral and the President, Kara was no happier about this situation than they were. She'd married a Cylon. More than that, she'd dragged the Fleet back to Caprica to save a Cylon. Kara loved Sam and she couldn't regret meeting or saving him, but frak, she'd inadvertently caused New Caprica for a Cylon. That was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life.

The Admiral retook his seat. He reached up a hand to rub his eyes. "I don't know, Kara. I don't see how we can get past this."

The President was leaning against the Admiral's desk with her head bowed. Her long red hair obstructed view of her face. As she heard the Admiral's comment she made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

Kara nodded. "I understand. It's too soon and they were too close." She stood once more. "But if Boomer and Caprica deserve a second chance, if Athena does, then so do they. They've never deliberately done anything to hurt you." As she walked toward the door, Kara spoke back over her shoulder. "They can't help who they are, but we can help them decide who they want to be."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Cylon Holding Cell_

Stepping up to the outside of the cell, Kara picked up the phone and placed it to her ear. A noise from behind had her turning to toss a glare at Caine as he followed her in. He nodded and leaned against the wall watching her protectively. Kara rolled her eyes and turned back to face the glass.

Sam stood facing her from the other side. He picked up the phone. "What are you doing here, Kara?"

"Keeping a promise," Kara answered.

Sam studied her expression for a few moments suspiciously. Eventually his face relaxed and affection filled his eyes. "Starbuck always keeps her promises."

Kara nodded. "I try."

Sam forced himself to ask the question that had been plaguing him since that first confrontation hours before. "You knew?"

Kara shrugged. "I know a lot of things, Sammy."

Sam considered that. He wanted to be angry, feel betrayed, but Kara was here. She'd stood by him. She'd kept her promise. Sam shook his head and sighed. "How long?" he finally asked.

Kara looked away and shrugged, "long enough."

"Is that…" the words stuck in Sam's throat. He swallowed and tried again. "Is that why you wanted the divorce? Because you couldn't handle being married to a Cylon?"

Kara glared at him. "Of course not. You're still the man I married, Sam. You haven't done anything wrong."

Sam frowned. "Then why…"

Kara bit her lip and her eyes burned with tears. She felt the urge to run, to avoid the situation, but she knew it was time to face up to her sins. "I never should've married you, Sammy. We both know that."

A bitter laugh escaped Sam's throat as his long-held suspicions were confirmed. He shook his head and reached up to rub his eyes. "Lee Adama."

Kara clenched her teeth and nodded. "I was running, Sammy. I couldn't handle what Lee wanted from me. I was a coward." She cocked her head to the side and a sad smile curved her lips. "You were my perfect escape and I took you. I could pretend when I was with you and you would let me get away with it. You never pushed for more than I was willing to give. You loved me just the way I was."

Sam returned her smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm not what you need."

Kara shook her head. "You're not good for me, Sammy, and I'm not good for you. You need someone who can give you all of themselves, someone who hasn't already given half of their heart away. And I need someone who can stand up to me, someone who can give me a kick in the ass when I deserve it. "

Sam nodded. "So it's over."

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "Our marriage?" She laughed when he nodded. "Frak, yes it's over! You're right, Sammy. You don't need anymore lovers." Sam winced, but Kara continued. "Besides, I'm not capable of being that person anymore. There are things…" she paused and frowned, "things you don't know about me. I've changed in ways I'm not ready to talk about yet."

And because he was Sam, because he never wanted to push her into something she wasn't ready for, he accepted that. Lifting one hand he rested it on the glass. "Friends?"

Kara placed her palm against the opposite glass. "Always." She smiled and her eyes were lighter than Sam could remember them being in a very long time. "I love you, Sammy. I always will."

Sam nodded. "Always."

Taking a deep breath, Sam decided to change the subject and try to lighten the mood. He motioned to the cell and its other three occupants. "So, what do you think of our humble accommodations?"

Kara smirked. "At least Boomer and Caprica aren't shoved in there with you."

Sam grimaced as he considered that possibility. "Can you imagine being locked up in here with Caprica and Tigh?"

An evil grin curved Kara's lips. "I can dream."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You never change."

But even as Kara stuck her tongue out at him and Sam burst into laughter, Kara knew that he was wrong. She already had.

- - - - - - - - - -

Half an hour later, Kara wrapped up her visit with Sam. She knew it would be the first of many. Sam was important to her and she wouldn't give up on him. He wasn't human, he wasn't normal, but he deserved a chance to be happy. He deserved a chance to be free. And maybe if Sam deserved that chance, then Kara could finally accept that she did too.

Kara smiled as she stepped through the hatch and into the hallway. Maybe she'd chase down Helo and Athena. It had been too long since she'd played triad. Maybe she could con Helo into betting his shoes.

Kara froze as she saw the man waiting outside the hatch. For a second she felt all her peace of mind, all her progress, slipping away as a wave panic washed over her. But this time Kara fought it back. She was done cowering and running away. She refused to be ashamed anymore. Kara Thrace had finally accepted who she was and anyone who didn't like it could go frak themselves.

Meeting Lee Adama's guarded eyes, Kara nodded. "Major."

Lee didn't bother to return her cold greeting. He cut to the point. "Are you okay?" He knew Sam had been revealed as a Cylon. He knew Kara had come to visit Sam. He was worried about her. If it earned him a trip to the brig, so be it.

Kara reminded herself that she was making progress. She knew his concern was genuine. Briefly lowering her guard, Kara answered him. "I'm okay."

Lee watched her silently for a moment as if to judge for himself. When he was satisfied, he nodded. "If you need me, I'm here."

Kara didn't know how to answer that. She wasn't ready to give Lee another chance. She didn't know if she ever would be. But she had to acknowledge his offer. "I'll keep that in mind." It was the best she could do at the moment.

A smile tugged at the corner of Lee's mouth. "You do that."

When Lee and Kara continued to stare at each other silently, Caine stepped forward to stand between them. He threw Lee a glare. "Major."

Lee just smirked back at the marine. It would take more to scare him off than Kara's overzealous bodyguard. "Take care of yourself, Starbuck." His eyes flashed a promise at Caine even as he spoke through the marine to Kara. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

**End of Chapter**

* * *

Next Chapter: Lee and Dee's marriage is on life support and I'm fixing to pull the plug. 


	25. Half Life Twenty Four

Title: Half Life - 24/27?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 8/15/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee are a sinking ship. Sam/Jean are also married. Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2802  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: I know! I'm a horrible horrible person! I'm sorry for the very long wait again. I got distracted by many, many things and I just couldn't seem to get this chapter written. But I never even considered dropping the fic. This fic is already finished in my head. It's just a question of getting it all typed out and posted up.

Once again, I want to thank everyone who reviewed. I know I haven't replied to all of you yet, but I have read all the reviews and I deeply appreciate your support. My email is a mess, but I'm determined to weed my way through it sometime today or tomorrow. I hope I don't miss anyone. Hell, at this point I just hope I still have readers...lol. I feel like a guilty dog for making you wait this long on the new chapter. Life just has a way of getting in the way.

As for this chapter? It didn't turn out exactly like I had planned and I had to extend my projected chapters for the story to 27. I'm just not quite as far along as I thought I'd be. But I'm getting there. I did manage to take Lee/Dee off the life support. Hopefully that wins me a few brownie points.

Feedback makes my world go round! Please let me know what you think!

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four**

* * *

_Location: Hanger Deck_

"So...we've been sitting in this system for over a week now. What exactly are we waiting on? Another miraculous sign from the gods?"

Kara ground her teeth together and twisted the wrench in her hands. She was buried in the belly of a viper and Raine, a particularly persistent crew spec, wanted to chat. Kara was starting to miss Caine. Three days ago the Admiral had decided that Kara's life was no longer in imminent danger. Corporal Cainewood had been reassigned. Apparently the absence of the six-foot armed marine made Kara appear more approachable to the other members of the deck crew. Now they were all taking the time out of their busy days to come talk to her...and ask her lots of annoying questions.

"I told you, Raine," Thorne, another crew spec, decided to throw in his two cubits, "the President still has to translate the information from the beacon. Which you would know if you ever listened to the wireless broadcasts. They've been calling on all the religious scholars in the Fleet to help."

"And I told you I'd rather gargle acid than listen to that bullshit they spout on the wireless broadcasts," Raine said, "I hate politics." She kicked one of Kara's boots to get her attention. "Couldn't you just read your magical triad cards or do your Chosen One thing and point out the next jump spot?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "I'll get right on that."

Raine snickered. "Promise?"

"What exactly does doing your Chosen One thing involve?" Thorne asked. "Is there a dance? Can we watch?"

"Don't you two have something better to do right now...like work?" Kara drawled.

"We're on lunch," Raine answered. "If you'd bother to pull your head out from under that viper you'd see that we're talking between bites of our nummy algae sandwiches."

"Um hmm..." Thorne said, "they're both crunchy and gooey."

Kara snorted despite herself. "Yummy. Can't wait."

"I would if I were you," Raine mumbled, "maybe they'll improve with age."

"Can't get much worse," Thorne said optimistically.

"BOWDEN! ZABINI!" Cally Tyrol's voice echoed across the hanger deck. "I KNOW you did not bring that slop they're calling food onto my deck."

Kara heard the two crew specs shuffle positions. She peaked out to see Raine hiding her half-eaten sandwich behind her back and Thorne shoving his last bite into his mouth. Thorne tried to swallow it down and gagged. He covered his mouth to keep from spitting it out and tried again. His pained expression had Kara snickering at his expense.

Thorne glared at Kara, but answered Cally in a squeaky voice. "What food, Chief?"

Cally opened her mouth to reply, but then the title registered. Her face turned dark red and her eyes flashed. "I am not, nor will I ever be, the CHIEF!" She took a menacing step toward the two crew specs. "The CHIEF is down in his plastic box with the other new kitchen appliances." She stopped in front of Thorne and glared up into his face. "I am just the poor dumb sucker stuck covering for his ass until they let him out on good behavior." She poked him hard in the chest. "AM I UNDERSTOOD?"

Thorne swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Chi...uh Cally."

Cally's eyes narrowed but Thorne took a hasty step backward out of her range. The riled temporary crew chief turned her ire on Raine. "Get rid of the sandwich, Bowden. It might start growing on your hand."

The female crew spec's expression was carefully neutral, "yes, sir."

"And both of you get the frak back to work and leave Starbuck alone," Cally ordered. "If she decides to rip your frakkin' heads off, I'll be the first one in line to testify it was justifiable homicide." Throwing both of them another glare and nodding once in Kara's direction, Cally spun on her heel and stomped off.

Still watching Cally walk away, Thorne reached up to rub his soar throat. He winced. "Cally's good moods have gone from rare to nonexistent."

Raine shrugged. "She's just trying to deal. Her whole world got turned upside down."

"Give her time," Kara told them.

Raine sighed. "Yeah." She thumped Thorne on the back of the head. "Let's go. I think I know what's wrong with our viper."

Thorne smirked. "Other than nugget-itis?"

Raine grinned back. "A chronic condition agitated by the nugget-itis."

"It is terminal?" Thorne asked seriously.

"Not if we've caught it in time," Raine told him, "but it will require an immediate transplant."

Thorne rubbed his hands together. "Let's get scrubbed in."

Kara rolled her eyes and climbed back under the viper. "You two are so frakked."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: The CAG's Office_

Major Lee Adama quickly signed off on the report in front of him and flipped it into his out tray. He twirled his pen through his fingers and leaned back in his chair. "What do you have to tell me today, Specialist?"

Crewman Specialist Henson shifted uncomfortably in front of the CAG's desk. "Well, sir...I'm...I'm not sure what you want me to say."

Major Adama shrugged. "Whatever you can say, Specialist. I want to know how she's doing. I want to know if she's having any problems. I want to know anything you think might interest me concerning Captain Thrace."

"Pardon me, sir, but...couldn't you ask the Captain these questions yourself?" Henson was far from comfortable with this new arrangement. He'd never been the most popular member of the deck crew anyway. He shuddered to think of his coworkers reactions if they found out he was giving daily reports to the CAG.

"No, Specialist," Lee told him, "I can't. That's why you're here."

He'd been afraid the Major would say that. This just wasn't getting any better. "Do these reports...um...have the Admiral's approval?"

Lee scratched his chin. "They don't have the Admiral's disapproval." Lee sat forward and propped his arms on his desk. A smile curved his lips, but his eyes were deadly serious. "Start talking, Specialist."

Henson fought back a whimper. This was a lose/lose situation. He could either obey his superior officer and possibly piss off the entire deck crew, or he could risk a trip to the brig and serious bodily injury from a man they all knew was as mean as a centurion when crossed.

Major Adama's eyes narrowed at Henson's continued silence. He tapped his fingers impatiently against his desk. "Specialist?"

Henson took in a deep breath and sealed his fate. "Captain Thrace worked on vipers again today. Chief Cally gave her a choice of assignments and she picked Dumbo's bird. Chief Cally made her promise she wouldn't deliberately get Dumbo killed. Captain Thrace rolled her eyes and said that would be too easy."

Lee nodded. "How's Kara taking Caine's reassignment?"

Henson frowned and shrugged. "She lost her clipboard and I heard her fussing about needing her personal assistant."

"But no one's bothering her?"

Henson's eyebrows shot up. "Would you bother her? She's mean. I avoid her like the plague." Henson paused thoughtfully. "Some of the other crew specs are trying to befriend her, though. They've decided she's one of us now."

Lee shook his head. "They've decided she's a knuckledragger?"

Henson cocked his head to the side and smirked. "She's not too good to get dirty and crawl underneath a viper just like the rest of us."

"Getting dirty was never Kara's problem," Lee said. He leaned back in his chair again and waved his hand toward the specialist. "Keep talking."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: The CAG's Quarters_

Pushing open the hatch to his quarters, Lee stepped through with a tired sigh. All he wanted was a hot shower and six to eight hours of hard sleep. Instead he noticed his wife sitting calmly at the table in the center of the room. A packed duffel was propped against her chair. She looked sad and resigned. Lee wondered if he should act surprised, if he should put up some token protest. Dee deserved at least that, right? Didn't every wife deserve for her husband to object when she decided to leave him? But truthfully, Dee had been gone for weeks. She'd dropped any honest attempts at reconciliation after the incident with Kara. Lee hadn't questioned her emotional and physical absence from his life at the time. He'd just been relieved. Lee was consumed with finding a way to fix things with Kara. He couldn't even pretend to fight for his marriage anymore. He wondered why he ever had to begin with. Lee Adama knew he was bastard and pretending to fight for a marriage that never should've begun in the first place wasn't going to change that.

Dee sighed and stood from her chair. She picked up the duffel and faced her soon-to-be ex-husband. "I filed for divorce. I'm not sure how long these things take to go through, but at least I got it started."

Lee tried to read her expression and failed. Sometimes Dee was very good at hiding her emotions. Lee finally cleared his throat and spoke to break the silence. "Dee, I don't know what to say."

She shook her head. "Don't say anything." She paused and covered her face with her free hand. A sound half-laugh/half-sob escaped her throat. "I can't even begin to tell you how ashamed I am of myself, Lee. I can't believe how low I've allowed myself to sink over you."

Lee's mouth dropped open. He started to speak.

Dee waved him off. "Don't, Lee. I don't blame you. I'm not blaming you." A genuine laugh escaped Dee's throat at his look of surprise. "Yeah, isn't that shocking?" Dee dropped the duffel for the moment and shrugged. "You played your part, Lee, so did Kara. We all played a part in this frakked up mess we've made of our lives. Kara broke your heart, you married me out of revenge, and I married you because I convinced myself we should all just take what we can get." Dee shook her head. "We're all idiots and we all frakked up."

Lee frowned. "Dee, you weren't to blame..."

Dee's eyebrows shot up. "Wasn't I? Do you know what goes on inside my head, Lee? Do you have any idea what I was thinking when I married you?"

That tripped him up. "I...well...you were..."

"I was making a conscious decision to marry a man I knew was madly in love with another woman," Dee said. "In what reality could that situation ever end well?" She shook her head. "I took just as much advantage of you as you took of me, Lee. My actions ended up hurting you, hurting Kara, and hurting myself. I may not win the trophy for frak-ups in this situation, but I'm definitely in the top three," Dee told him, "I still get a ribbon."

Lee felt like he'd been hit by a raptor. This was not how this conversation was supposed to go. Walking over to the table, Lee grabbed a chair and sat down. "I don't know where all this is coming from, Dee. I thought you wanted to save our marriage."

Dee snorted. "What marriage?" She retook her seat and faced Lee again. "Did you even wonder over the last few weeks why I've been avoiding you, Lee? Or did you just assume I was blaming you once again for running after Kara?" His expression must have said it all because Dee laughed again. "No, Lee, I wasn't blaming you this time. This time I took a good long look in the mirror and I started taking responsibility for my own actions. I started looking to myself, Lee, and I wasn't proud of what I saw."

Dee looked down at the table and when she looked back up her eyes were filled with tears. "I did it on purpose, Lee. I set out to hurt Kara Thrace and I succeeded."

"What?" Lee frowned confused.

Dee shrugged and looked down at her hands. "I knew you loved her, Lee, that you've always loved her and you always will. I knew you would never love me the way I wanted you to. I knew it was only a matter of time before you left me for her...and I wanted to punish her for it." A bitter smile curved Dee's lips as two tears escaped to trail down her cheeks. "So, I timed my little visit to your office to coincide with Kara getting there. I left the hatch cracked so she could hear us. I pushed all the right buttons and said all the right things to set you off." She forced herself to look up and meet Lee's eyes. "I wanted to break Kara Thrace and I did it."

Lee was stunned. He wanted to rage at Dee for the damage she'd caused. He wanted to shake her until she understood just how wrong she'd been. But as he looked at her tear-stained face he realized she already knew. That was what this was all about. Dee could've kept the truth to herself. She could've asked for a divorce and made it all his fault once again. She could've played the victim and walked away squeaky clean, but she hadn't. Dee was owning up to her actions. She was putting an end to this sick twisted cycle they'd all been living for years.

Dee nodded as she read his expression. "I can still see the look on Starbuck's face when you opened the hatch and found her on the other side. It turns my stomach to know I did that to anyone on purpose." Dee pushed back her chair and stood once again. She bent down and picked back up her duffel. "I don't want to be that person anymore, Lee. I don't want to be that ashamed of myself ever again."

Dee took two steps toward the hatch before pausing. She turned and looked back at the man that had never really been hers. "I know Kara's been through more than any person should ever be put through, Lee, and she doesn't deserve the added pain I caused her," Dee's voice was soft and sincere, "I wish Kara nothing but the best. I mean that."

Lee shook his head and ran his hands over his face. "Well, Dee, if she ever let's me speak to her again I'll tell her."

An ironic smile curved Dee's lips as though she couldn't believe what she was saying. "You'll find your way back to each other, Lee. You always do."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


	26. Half Life Twenty Five

Title: Half Life - 25/27?  
Author: Elise/Ringred  
Date: 8/28/2007  
Rating: M or R for violence  
Category: AU, Angst, Drama, possibly with some humor mixed in.  
Warnings: Angst, Language, Violence  
Spoilers: Anything that's been aired in the US. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
Pairing: Lee/Kara, we're getting there. Lee/Dee sank. Sam/Jean are also married. Helo/Athena are still married. Hints of Roslin/Adama.  
Word Count: Microsoft Word says…2632  
Disclaimers: Alas, I own nothing...but we all have our dreams.  
Summary: Starbuck died tragically over five years ago. The Fleet mourned and moved on with their lives. What happens when the lost daughter is returned to the Fleet? Will she ever find herself again? Is there anywhere she belongs?

Notes: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I really appreciate it. I tried to reply to everyone. I'm so thankfully for all of you that have been reading since the beginning. It's hard to believe that I've been working on this for so many months now and we're finally getting to the end. I hope you like the end of the ride.

This chapter is kind of the beginning of the end. We're not quite to the REALLY deep emotional resolution yet, but we're getting there. I'm trying to show that Kara has made the majority of her journey now. She's finally accepted herself and her new role. And I had to throw a few more revelations in there...lol...but keep in mind that I am a happy ending kinda girl.

Please let me know what you think! You guys keep me writing. Thank you for your support.

Here goes...

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Five**

* * *

_Location: Colonial One_

Admiral Adama wasn't surprised to find President Roslin leaning over her cluttered desk when he entered her office on Colonial One. He knew she'd been working obsessively on translating the logs from the beacon over the last week. She was currently arranging the massive heap of papers on her desk into two more-manageable piles. Laura paused and sighed. She reached up to take off her glasses and rub her eyes. The Admiral took the opportunity to clear his throat and draw her attention.

After jumping slightly, Roslin regained her composure and turned to face him with a weary smile. "Bill."

Returning Laura's smile and resisting the urge to reprimand her for overworking herself, the Admiral walked forward. "You needed to see me?"

Roslin opened her mouth to reply, but then stopped herself. She wasn't sure where to begin. Waving her hand, Laura indicated the stacks of translations she'd been working through. "All of this has happened before and will happen again."

The Admiral clutched his left wrist with his right hand in front of him and waited for Roslin to continue.

Laura took another moment to gather her thoughts. She folded her reading glasses and sat them down on an open spot on her desk. Turning once more to face the Admiral, Laura leaned back against the edge of the desk and spoke. "It seems your Captain Thrace is not the first human to be a chosen vessel for the gods' will. When the Thirteenth tribe made their great journey across the stars in search of a new home, they carried with them a guide as well."

The Admiral blew out a long breath. He shook his head. "This information was in the beacon?"

Roslin nodded slowly. Her eyes were carefully guarded. "At the Chosen One's instruction, the Thirteenth tribe chronicled their journey and stored the information inside several beacons they dropped along the way. She told them the beacons would serve a higher purpose, that they would guide a future group of their brothers and sisters home. The tribe didn't fully understand the Chosen One's meaning, but their trust in her vision was absolute. They followed her instructions to the letter and dropped the beacons at each point she indicated. Each beacon containing more information, more logs of their trials and struggles, than the one before."

He needed to sit down. The Admiral moved to the closest chair and took a seat. He lifted his hands to rub his face. This was so much to take in. William Adama had never been a religious man, but it was becoming quite obvious that his life and the lives of his people were in the hands of the gods. His daughter was their tool. His mission to follow a path of their design. The gods didn't seem to care if he believed in them or not.

Forcing the shock of these revelations away, the Admiral motioned for Laura to continue. "What more can you tell me about their Chosen One?"

Laura looked away. She turned to pick up one of the stacks of papers and flipped through them as she spoke. "She was born to a family of good standing in the tribe. She was extremely religiously devote. Her calling as Chosen One was known from early childhood and she was raised and prepared to fulfill her role as vessel to the gods." Laura paused and almost fumbled the papers. She sat them back down on her desk and clasped her hands together before her. "She exhibited miraculous powers and knowledge. The logs make several references to a word we can only translate to mean sensitivity or empathy. She was revered by the tribe and she laid down the path they would come to follow in their journey."

A knot formed in the Admiral's stomach as he read between the lines. "What happened to her, Laura?"

The President's eyes flickered briefly to meet his before once again darting away. She opened her mouth to reply, but the Admiral cut her off. "Laura," he waited until she reluctantly faced his stare, "what happened to her?"

Roslin took a deep breath and answered. "Shortly after the Thirteenth tribe began their journey, the Chosen One started to show signs of mental deterioration. It was believed that her direct connection to the gods was too much for her mind to handle. She succumbed to madness."

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Situation Room_

Kara carefully studied the scout image in front of her. She fought back her irritation at the situation and gave the image her full attention. After counting to sixty three times in her head, Kara looked up at Lt. Felix Gaeta. "Nope." She once again pointed to the scout image she'd picked out earlier. "That's the one."

Gaeta's mouth tightened in irritation. "Captain Thrace, I mean no offense..."

Kara smirked. "Somehow I doubt your sincerity, Gaeta."

Felix paused, snapped his mouth shut, and took a deep breath in through his nose. After slowly blowing it back out, he tried to reason with her once again. "All I am trying to say, Captain Thrace, is that I don't understand how you can know if that system is the correct system for our next jump without taking the time to look through all the options available."

Kara rolled her shoulders and neck to disguise the fact that she was also rolling her eyes. "You're just pissed that it was the second picture you shoved in my face, Lieutenant. If it had been number twenty we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Gaeta's expression was unimpressed. He pushed another image across the table toward her and crossed his arms over his chest. "What about this one?"

Kara thought Gaeta was starting to look a little smug. She wondered if this was payback for her many past transgressions. Grumbling under her breath about stuck-up little OCD freaks, Kara bent over the newest image and tried to ignore the pesky ache in her head assuring her that this was NOT the right system.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: Hanger Deck_

After three and a half fun-filled hours of 'pick-the-system' with Gaeta, Kara had the worlds' worst headache and a bad mood to match. She'd stomped her way onto the hanger deck twenty minutes ago determined to crawl underneath the nearest viper and forget about everything else for a while. Now someone was kicking her frakkin' foot. Kara vowed death to whatever frakwit knuckledragger had decided today was a good day to get friendly. She timed the next kick and struck out with her foot. Catching the swinging ankle with the toe of her boot, Kara tried to unbalance them and land them on their ass. Unfortunately the idiot just jumped backward out of reach and cussed.

Kara recognized the voice and her eyes narrowed. She'd better be hearing things. When a hand grabbed each of her ankles and yanked her out from under the viper, Kara came out ready for a fight. She snarled up into Hotdog's grinning face. "You like life, Constanza?"

Hotdog's dopey grin just widened. "Aw...that wasn't very nice of you, God." He motioned to his ankle. "I could've been seriously injured."

Kara planted her hands against the deck and pushed herself into a sitting position. "I'll try harder next time." Looking to the side, Kara noticed one of Hotdog's nuggets shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot beside him. She frowned at the nugget before glaring back at Hotdog. "What the frak do you want, Constanza? You got a problem with your bird?"

Hotdog shook his head. "No sir, God. Today we are in need of your flying expertise."

Now the nugget looked even more uncomfortable. His face turned red and he started staring at his feet. Kara's eyebrows shot up and she grinned. She always had loved a boy with a pretty blush and this was a cute one. At least six feet, jet black hair, big blue eyes, and a body more muscular than lean; there was a time when Starbuck would've eaten this nugget alive. And there was enough of Starbuck still in Kara to curve her lips into a smirk and eye him hungrily from head to toe and back again. "Really?" Kara purred, "How may I be of service?" She blew the big boy a kiss.

The nugget's mouth dropped open. His eyes widened in something close to horror.

Hotdog snickered at the kid's expression. He slapped the nugget on the back and pushed him forward a few steps. "Don't let her scare you off, BS. She only bites if you're very...VERY lucky."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Like you'd know."

Constanza winked at her. "Anyway, as I was saying," he took a step forward and wrapped his arm around the nugget's shoulders, "BS here needs to benefit from your flying expertise. We bow before the magnificence that is God."

The boy was still gaping at Hotdog. "But she's a knuckledragger," he hissed the words in a low voice and darted his eyes from side to side to make sure no one was watching them.

Kara snorted with laughter. She rocked back against her hands as a chuckle rumbled up her throat.

Hotdog rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air as if to say 'why me?'. Finally he turned to face his nugget. He spoke slowly as if he was explaining something to a child. "This is no ordinary knuckledragger, BS. THIS is GOD! God taught your considerably talented flight instructor everything he knows. If there is anyone who can help you overcome your current dilemma and earn the wings of a viper pilot it is God!"

Now the kid frowned in confusion. "I thought we were supposed to call you God, Lieutenant?"

Hotdog grinned at the return of Kara's death glare. He shrugged without apology and answered BS. "You can just call me God Jr."

As her glaring just seemed to tickle Constanza more, Kara shook her head and reached up a hand to rub the bridge of her nose. "You're the frakkin' flight instructor now, Hotdog. What do you need me for?"

Hotdog's expression turned serious. "BS is having some problems with depth-perception. I've been working with him for weeks but we're not getting anywhere. If he can't hit the trap on the first go by next week, I'll have to wash him out." Hotdog nodded toward Kara. "I thought you might know some tricks, some exercises he can try."

BS looked cautiously optimistic. "She's really a pilot?"

Hotdog cocked his head to the side and waggled his eyebrows. "What do you say, Buck?"

Kara thought it over. She was comfortable where she was. She'd found a place on the deck crew and she really didn't need anything more than that right now. On the other hand, Laney was constantly preaching that she needed to take more chances, that it was time for Kara to stop just surviving and start trying to live again. Just the thought of flying again made Kara's stomach jump in excitement. She knew she wasn't ready for that yet, she had too many demons left to face, but she had to start somewhere and maybe she could help this kid in the process. Taking a deep breath, Kara climbed to her feet. "Yes, BS, I'm really a pilot," she smiled at the cute blue-eyed nugget, "and apparently I'm your new secret weapon." She gave him a moment to digest the information before speaking again. "So what can you tell me, nugget?"

The kid's face flushed again and he looked back down at his feet. "What do you need to know, um...God?"

Hotdog smiled proudly and Kara chuckled at the old joke. She shook her head. "You can start off by telling me what you did to earn a callsign like Bullshit. That one has got to have a good story behind it." Kara turned on the charm and did her best to put the kid at ease. If he was going to be any kind of a viper pilot he had to learn to relax.

- - - - - - - - - -  
_Location: The Admiral's Quarters_

Dr. Laney West frowned and bit her lip. The Admiral watched her reaction from behind his desk. He'd just debriefed her on the newest information from the beacon. Laney tried to keep her expression neutral. "I understand your concern, Admiral. This information can seem quite dire on the surface."

The Admiral's eyes narrowed. "Only on the surface? I've just informed you that my daughter might be facing a battle with madness, Dr. West. I believe that's dire on any level."

Laney shook her head. "I don't believe that, Admiral. I don't believe Kara's sanity is in jeopardy any longer. I truly believe we won that battle months ago."

"It's not a chance I'm willing to take, Laney," the Admiral's voice was gruff with emotion. "I will not lose my daughter again."

Laney nodded. "I understand."

"I want you to continue your weekly sessions with Kara, Dr. West, and I want to be notified immediately if you see any deterioration of her mental state. Am I understood?"

Laney nodded again. "Of course."

When the Admiral looked down at the paperwork on his desk and didn't look back up, Laney realized she was being dismissed. She pushed herself to her feet and started for the hatch.

The Admiral's voice stopped her and she could hear the apology for his rudeness in his tone. "We've come too far, Laney," he sounded tired and concerned, "we can't lose her now."

Laney turned back to throw him an encouraging smile. "We won't, Admiral," she said. "Kara is making more and more progress every day. She's taking her life back step by step. Besides," she told him, "I think you're overlooking one very important fact about this first Chosen One."

The Admiral lifted his brows. "Yes?"

Laney's grin turned mischievous. "The first Chosen One wasn't Kara Thrace, Admiral, and if there's anyone stubborn enough to fight the gods and win it's Kara Thrace."

The Admiral smiled and nodded his agreement. "So say we all."

* * *

**End of Chapter**


End file.
